So you’ve met the man of your dreams and you’re madly in love. You’ve been dating for several years and you’ve always looked forward to your wedding day. Then you find out that your boyfriend doesn’t want to get married.
You think to yourself: “Why won’t he marry me?”
What do you do? Should you try and persuade him to marry you? Do you give him an ultimatum? Or is it just best to cut your losses and leave?
Before you make any rash decisions you need to understand that this doesn’t have to be the end of your relationship. Of course, if you had your heart set on marriage then you may feel disappointed or cheated even.
However, so long as you can still communicate with your guy you still have a chance of sorting out a resolution. So let’s start with him.
There could be lots of reasons why he may want the relationship to stay as it is.
Some men just don’t like the idea of marriage. They see it as an institution. You hear a lot of older men talking about the length of time they’ve been with their wives and say they’d get less for murder.
Then there are the guys that don’t believe in staying with one person for the rest of their lives. They see marriage as a trap, preventing them from having fun.
Then again, perhaps his parents divorced years ago and it put him off walking down the aisle for life. Maybe he has commitment issues and feels like marriage is a step too far. Or perhaps it’s never even crossed his mind to have a wedding or a wife.
Men are not like girls. They don’t grow up with this fantasy of the perfect wedding. They don’t picture themselves walking down the aisle with the love of their life.
They don’t plan the clothes, the flowers, the bridesmaids, and the look of the wedding and everything else that goes into making it a special day. Guys just turn up and say ‘I do’. Sorry girls but that’s the truth for a lot of men.
Then there are the free spirits amongst men. The guys that have demanding jobs. The ones that love to travel at the drop of a hat. Guys that like to have casual relationships and keep it fun and spontaneous. The forever bachelors of the world.
Think George Clooney before he settled down. It took one special woman to bag this special bachelor. He had to look at his lifestyle and decide whether he wanted to swap it in order to spend the rest of his life with just one woman.
So the stakes might be too high for him. He might value his freedom more than marrying his partner. It might not be as important for your man as it is for you. The question you need to know is if he doesn’t want to tie the knot ever or does he mean right now.
If he’s open to talking about marriage in the future then it’s possible that he’s simply not ready for marriage at this time. If he flat out refuses to talk about marriage at all then it’s pretty clear he is adamant about his preferences.
Of course, when your man says he doesn’t want to marry he could just be saying that he doesn’t think marrying you is the right decision. You see this a lot with men that come out of long-term relationships years ago. They may date someone for a few months and marry them soon afterward.
So what he’s really saying when he tells you that he won’t marry is that you are not the one for him. He might very well meet someone in the future that he wants to commit to. The problem is it’s not you. And while he’s perfectly happy to have you as a girlfriend he won’t take the next step in your relationship.
At the end of the day, you need to know why your partner doesn’t want to marry you. He owes you an explanation at least. But one thing to know about men is that they don’t play mind games. So if he’s telling you he doesn’t feel like getting married he means it.
Once you have a better understanding of what your guy is thinking you can move onto exploring your reasons for wanting to get married.
Women have lots of reasons why they want to get married. They want the fairy-tale wedding, they crave commitment and they want to feel secure with one person.
If your guy really won’t marry you then now is the time for you to do some soul-searching of your own. Why do you want to get married? Why is it so important to you?
Would you feel more secure if you were husband and wife? Are you planning a family and don’t want your children to be left without a father figure? Marriage is no guarantee that he will stick around.
Do you think your man is more likely to stay with you because you are his wife? Are you worried about him cheating or leaving you? If any of your reasons for wanting to get married stem from insecurity then maybe it’s no wonder he’s opposed to it.
If you are in a secure, long-term, loving relationship with a man you trust who respects you why does having a piece of paper matter to you? In this modern age, lots of women are choosing not to tie the knot. What is it about marriage that appeals to you personally?
Talking of insecurity, some women believe that if their bloke really loved them they would want to marry them. For these women, marriage is the ultimate expression of love. It is their man declaring to the world how much he loves her.
If you’ve ever said to your man ‘If you really loved me you’d marry me’ then stop right now. You don’t need to get hitched for some bloke to love you.
Have you always dreamed of your wedding day? Do you want the lavish wedding day in front of all your friends and family? Is it important that you make your vows in front of your inner circle of friends?
Did you picture your wedding day when you were a little girl? Could you imagine walking up the aisle with your father and standing next to your husband-to-be?
In that case, it doesn’t really matter who you marry so long as you get married. It sounds like it’s the wedding and not actually being married that’s important to you.
You have to weigh up how much of a priority marriage is to you compared to life without your fella. If the only way you’ll live happily ever after, knowing truly that your man really loves you, is if he marries you then perhaps you could work on your self-esteem a little.
Now you know why your guy doesn’t want marriage. You’ve also explored your reasons for wanting to get married. It is time to discuss what marriage actually means for both of you.
You might find that you have diametrically opposed ideas of what you understand marriage to be about. For example, your bloke might feel that it is a trap where you get half his money if everything goes wrong.
In that case you can offer to sign a prenuptial agreement. On the other hand, he may want kids but you might not feel happy about that without the security of a ring on your finger. In that case, your man could offer to put something in writing to make sure you and any children get support from him.
The point to remember is that marriage doesn’t mean the same things to two people. Some see it as the end of their freedom, whereas others see it as the beginning of a new and more secure life. So you have to be prepared to accept that your views of marriage may not be shared by your partner.
There comes a point in your relationship when you’ve been told over and over again by your partner that he won’t marry you. You’ve discussed the reasons why and you’ve done some soul-searching of your own.
You’ve decided that you still would still like to be married and it’s clear your bloke still doesn’t like the idea.
Now you have a decision to make.
Do you remain in the relationship with your man, try and persuade him to marry you overtime or leave him?
I don’t usually like putting people into groups but for the sake of brevity, I’m going to do it here.
I believe there are two kinds of men who don’t think about getting married.
You need to find out which kind of man you are dating.
If it is the first kind I would suggest that so long as the relationship is strong and loving you try and overcome your marriage issues. Perhaps you could have some sort of unofficial celebratory ceremony that’s similar to a wedding.
However, for those girls who are dating the second kind I have different advice. If your guy is constantly fobbing you off with excuses and tells you that he doesn’t know or he’s not ready he’s the second kind.
This guy is wasting your time. He’s playing you and you’ll never convince him to get married. Well, not to you anyway. So if marriage is important to you then you’ll have to realize that this guy is never going to propose. It’s up to you what you decide to do about it. You can stay with him as his girlfriend or leave him.
It all depends on whether he is the type of man that simply doesn’t feel like getting married to anyone or doesn’t feel as if you are the one for him. If marriage is that important to you then you need to weigh up the price of leaving someone you love for the chance of marriage to someone you haven’t even met yet.
Of course you can and it’s not just men that don’t wish to get married, a lot of women don’t feel the urge to get hitched too. This is the 21-century and marriage is becoming less and less common. More couples are choosing to live together rather than get married.
It all depends on the man. Some men just don’t like the idea of marriage. In this case it has nothing to do with you or how much they love you. On the other hand, it could be the case that the man doesn’t want to marry you because he feels that you are not the right one for him.
Well, they can. Remember that when guys are dating they are putting on their best behavior. They are trying to woo you and impress you. So they may turn up to dates looking clean and smart with flowers and paying for everything. Once you’re married they don’t have to make the effort anymore.
Perhaps he feels happy and comfortable with the situation as it is. Men don’t like to rock the boat if everything is going well. Or he may be taking you and the relationship for granted. You need to find out whether he’s just content or he’s being selfish.
Are you in a long term relationship and you really want to get married but your guy refuses to? Did you stay in the relationship or did you leave him? Let me know in the comments section and do share this article if you liked it.