Since time immemorial, it is always customary for the alpha male to initiate the first move, while we, the women will have to patiently wait. Well, it's 2023. Equality reigns and there are no defined gender roles. If a man can ask a woman to court him, a woman can ask a guy to also court him.
Nowadays, we live in a time of baby mamas and undefined relationships; hence why courtship, although old-fashioned, has become an enviable and valued target in most relationships.
So, let’s say you like a certain guy, you might have been on a couple of dates, and you think he is Mr. Right. You know he has feelings for you, but perhaps, he is doubtful about whether you are his Mrs. Right. If you have been waiting for him to ask you to court him for a very long time, dear woman, it's about time you take the bull by the horns and get your man.
That being said, courting a man can be challenging, especially in societies where women's reputations ought not to be stained. Sometimes, it can be a bit inhibitive, because, at the end of the day, women need to keep their reputation and not come across as immoral and promiscuous. No doubt, in some other culture, courting a man is very normal.
That being said, if you’d like to court a guy and you’re not sure how to go about it, here are some tips on how to court a guy in a liberating environment or not.
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Dating is focused on companionship, and it's usually short-term, while courtship is when two people get to know each other better with the aim being marriage. So, it is very imperative to know what it is you are getting into.
Knowing the difference between these two and which of these you fall in defines the boundaries of your relationship. The definition of your relationship with your guy would help save you from wasting your time, future heartbreaks, and wrong assumptions and expectations.
Courtship is the time when you and the guy get to know each other better, and is always directed towards marriage; it is more serious than dating and makes the relationship a committed one. While the aim of dating is towards companionship, having fun, or going out with someone- courting is different.
You should understand the step you are taking when you decide that you want to court. It means marriage is not far from the picture. And it's time for you to be very intentional about your actions, rather than dating and indulging in careless actions.
This is a time of personal reflection. Have a conversation with yourself. Ask yourself questions; Are you sure you want to do this? What if the man is not ready? What would be the next step? If he is ready to court, what now?
Also, ask yourself are you sure you love him, and that’s why you intend on courting? Are you in love or lusting over him? Is he really Mr. Right? Are you attracted to him physically or sexually? Is he matured? Can he hold conversations when something is wrong without exploding in anger?
Have truthful answers at hand for your happiness’s sake. This is a conversation with yourself. You need not be dishonest because there is no one to impress. Also include a close friend or trusted family member in this process, so that they can point out obvious behaviors which confirm or deny your feelings about him.
Every good relationship begins with friendship. Friendship allows you to see your man through the lens of a friend. There are situations where it's difficult to understand your boyfriend because you are just being a girlfriend. There are also certain points in a relationship where friendship needs to take over.
Starting a friendship sets the line early enough in the union so that your guy knows that when he needs a friend at a particular point in the relationship. He can run to you and you would be able to play that role.
Tell him you love him and want to enter a committed relationship. Chances are that you’ve been seeing each other for a while. So, it should be easy for you to infer if the interest is mutual. If not, respect the relationship between you two. It could be possible he loves you too, but he has been getting cold feet.
Some men may be moved by your audacity and embrace the fact that you have made things too easy for him. He now knows where he stands where you are concerned. That is depending on how progressive he is and your approach as far as initiating the process is concerned.
It is imperative you know your guy's friends once you two are courting. One of the many reasons is that it helps you to better appreciate your interests. This is because men usually have common interests with their friends. Also, the fact that you know his friends is a message on its own. It means the man is really serious about the relationship.
Knowing his family puts the relationship into perspective because these are your future family members too. You need to relate with your man's parents and siblings— if he has any. How you relate with them can either progress your courtship or regress the bond with your man.
There have been instances where couples had to break up because their partners could not relate with their parents or family.
Also, in some cultures, especially in Asia and Africa, the parent’s influence is strong. So if the parent says no, that is the end. If the relationship should go on, the parents would have to wash their hands off it. A marriage condemned from the beginning can be a big strain on the couple. So, put in the effort to establish good relations with his parents.
Intimacy is an essential part of every relationship. Understand and know what love language your partner speaks. Know what intimacy means to your partner and acknowledge it definitely. Some men may want to preserve themselves before marriage. If that is the case, respect his boundaries and don't make him feel bad for it.
Some men may not express their reluctance, so pay attention to his body language when you try to initiate intimate relations.
Be affectionate and show him how much you love him. Let him know you care for him and are serious about the relationship. If you can't show him you love him from the very beginning, how would you be able to get the message through later in marriage?
Also, do not be overbearing with the love nicknames (such as honey, sugar, sweetheart, etc) you give to him, or else they will lose their significance in his eyes. Let him know you mean your love whenever you use his love nickname.
According to sources, men tend to feel underappreciated and unloved because they are used to making all efforts to make women happy. Making each other happy is no gender role, and it is about time women realized that. Change the narrative by surprising him occasionally. Prepare his favorite food and buy gifts for him. Make it an occasional practice to do this during your courtship process.
Because you know the aim is marriage, it would be quite tempting to want to jump into bed with your man at the slightest chance to show him the ways of a woman. Quick advice: Do not do it! In the same way, sleeping with a guy on the first date is wrong, there's also no cross-cut way towards marriage. The risk is not usually worth it.
Also, as a woman, it questions your reputation. It would not be utterly peculiar if your man thinks you may have given in to sex to other guys so easily. When adequate trust is non-existent in the union, your courtship is bound to end.
Have fun as you get to know each other better. Go on dates, enjoy your courtship before you get married. This because children and responsibilities take over and suck all the fun only you two can decide to have. So, make time and have fun with your guy.
You need to understand that you don't have to let the whole world know you are courting because you have a reputation to keep. Do not allow your guy to visit you at your workplace. It is bound to raise questions, and gossip, especially when our previous boyfriends have been constant visitors.
Neither should you allow yourself to be alone with your guy in his room when alone. I say this because men are known to like free things or stuff they can get easily. If you can make yourself easily accessible to him, well, he will have a jolly good ride over you.
I bet you may have heard of situations where a man uses over ten years to date someone but takes over three years to marry another woman. The difference is in the availability.
Also, let only a selected number of friends know about your courting process. A sad truth is that not all your friends have your best interest at heart, so be discreet.
This is dependent on the environment, beliefs, and mindset of the woman. In some countries, it is normal for women to seduce a guy, or ask him out on a date. However, in other countries, this same act will not only raise eyebrows. Those women would be tagged as promiscuous.
Courtship is the period before a commitment. This is the time where two people get to know each other better with almost no intimate relations because the focus is on marriage. Men are known to initiate the relationship. However, times are changing, and women (depending on how advanced their mindset is), can also initiate the courting process too.
According to dating experts, these signs show that a guy is right for you: he is never intimidated by your success, accepts you for who you are, he makes you feel good about yourself, he does not try to change you, your happiness is his happiness and your sadness is his too, he listens, he understands you, he does everything to make you happy and he never makes you doubt yourself.
Courting should take about two years—that's if you don't meet up every day. This way, you have an idea of who you are about to get married to. However, if you happen to meet up every day, six months to a year should be enough, depending on the age of you two. The time ought to be so, so as to not allow distraction into the picture.
Here's how to get a man to chase you: leave the chasing to the guy, keep yourself busy, keep him waiting, have personal time for your friends, have an exciting and fun life, raise your standards, don't give him boyfriend benefits if you two are not in a relationship. Also, use his actions to judge him, not his words, do not be in a hurry to exit the single-stage, and be willing to leave him if he starts to misbehave.
On a final note, it’s best for women to pay a lot of attention to these tips when we court a guy. Not only will you win his love, but his respect also.
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