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Dating An Overachiever (11 Things To Expect When Dating)

When choosing a life partner, we usually go for someone safe. Regardless of who you are or your personality, it’s a natural inclination to approach life and relationships with caution. Even daredevils go for their type because they believe they’d be more understanding of their bad habits than a simple human would. To them, that’s their version of a safe support system. 

As a fun-loving yet successful woman, it can be tricky to date an overachiever because of trait disparities. What you consider success might be seen as merely an effort by an overachiever.

What you consider a gesture of love in the relationship might be considered a waste of time. If you are not on the same plane with your overachieving boyfriend, you will experience frustration all through. It is even more difficult to date overachieving guys who are still university students. 

This lot can go weeks without getting in touch with their girlfriends. It’s almost like it’s a rule for a university guy to forget he has a girl. Is your current boyfriend an overachiever? Does he also happen to be juggling university with a part-time job? 

Are you so deeply in love with your man who has overachieving tendencies that you want to make the relationship work by all means? Or do you just want to know what to expect to decide if the relationship is the best for you right now? You might want to pay attention to the following tips on what to expect when you date an overachiever.

11 Things To Expect When Dating An Overachiever

1. Expect to come second to his university education

The fear of missing out on moments that determine success is one of the reasons why overachievers suck at relationships. If your overachieving boyfriend is still undergoing studies at a university, you might need to exercise loads of patience. 

If you’re also a student with little time to hang out at length, it might be easier to cope with this unacceptable behavior. However, both parties in a relationship should be willing to put in the work, regardless of how busy they get. If you’re the kind of girl who develops anxiety when her boyfriend goes off the grid for weeks, you might be incompatible with an overachiever. 

The only way to know if you can date an overachiever is to try living the erratic pace he sets for himself. If that doesn’t work for you, go for someone who operates at your speed.

2. Expect him to be quirky about to-do lists

An overachiever has many quirks that are off-putting for many people. An overachiever is most times meticulous, even though they also move through life at an insane pace. One of the ways an overachiever can call each day a success is by creating to-do lists daily.

To-do lists aren’t bad, but they can make one look like a robot who needs papers or written lists to control every action. If you hardly use to-do lists, you might find it annoying to see sticky notes everywhere in your boyfriend’s apartment. If he lives in a university dorm, it becomes even more irritating because you’ll find his friends doing the same thing. 

To make the relationship work, come to terms with how important to-do lists are to your man, and help him organize his life using the system that already works for him. An overachieving to-do list lover will not appreciate you disrupting his life by ripping off his sticky notes out of anger.

3. You can’t get mad at how hard working is

To achieve the future they desire, overachievers believe they have to work hard. They don’t believe that being ambitious is enough; you need to put in sufficient work to get the results that scream success. Getting mad at your man for being hardworking in the university or his career will only bring trouble to the peace you both enjoy in the relationship. 

If you have issues with how little time he spares for you, approach the topic without demeaning his pursuits. Help him understand that it is vital to have a healthy personal life too, not just devoting time to work. More often than not, an overachiever needs your support and motivation, even though he seldom asks for help.

4. His idea of success might differ from yours

As mentioned in the introduction, what you accept as the highest level of success might be the mid-level for an overachiever. Your man doesn’t mean to make you feel silly by talking about your recent success in a subdued tone. He just feels there’s more for you to achieve. 

As such, don’t get too angry with him when his smile isn’t as big or long-lasting as you expected. You can also teach him how to extend gratitude for every little success. That way, he can learn the art of contentment most overachievers lack. 

Also, don’t scoff at his lofty goals when you can advise him on setting honest realistic ones. At the end of the day, the important thing is that you’re both smashing your individual goals and living your best lives.

5. Expect him to struggle with work-life balance

expect him to struggle with work life balance

If you date an overachiever, you should be ready to either adjust to the irregular hours he keeps or help him manage a work-life balance. Most times, an overachiever’s work life takes precedence over his personal life. For example, if he is also studying part-time at a university, it will be difficult to create many fun moments.

However, those fun moments are very important if you want to snatch as many good memories as possible. Life will stay busy unless you deliberately slow down to enjoy it. Help your busy boyfriend as much as you can, so he can experience balance in his work-study life.

6. His good intentions might sometimes be frustrating

Most well-meaning intentions are paved with unreasonable expectations. An overachiever thinks if he can do something, other people should be able to do the same. An overly ambitious man, especially a brilliant university student, wants an equally ambitious girl. He won’t be able to abide an unmotivated or inexperienced woman by his side.

For him to decide to date you or be committed, he must have seen these ambitious traits in you. However, things might go wrong if you’re not used to working at his pace or level. You’ll sometimes feel like he’s forcing you to do what you don’t want to do. 

Sometimes, you’re just unable to do them the way he wants you to. Put your foot down and talk to him. Let him know you have the ability to make your decisions even though you appreciate his support.

7. Expect to give his needs more attention sometimes

Whether both of you are university students, or he's the only one still studying at a university, it can become really easy for him to depend on you for many things. An overachiever might look or talk like someone who has everything in control. In reality, he is a hot mess underneath.

If you’re not careful, you’ll find yourself paying attention to his needs more than yours. It is a good thing to help manage your man's life, but don’t do it at your expense.

8. He will want to live vicariously through you

Overachievers are mostly high-flying students found within the four walls of a university. This set of people function so well in the comfort zone of the university but find it hard to handle real-life issues. One thing most mainstream courses in the university don’t teach is how to take a break when life is dealing with you.

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When your overachieving boyfriend is going through a rough patch, he might start looking for ways to live vicariously through you. He understands his fragility at that moment, but that doesn’t stop him from making plans for you. Take your stand to make sure you’re doing things for yourself, not him.

9. He can be overpowering during conversations

You can be having a conversation and your man wants to override your opinion because he thinks he knows better. Let him know that’s unacceptable. Instead, he should work on this irritating overachiever default setting he picked from the university during debates and pitches. 

Let him understand that you’re not his university colleague. He needs to let you air your opinion if he wants to continue to date you.

10. He might express his love for you unconventionally

he might express his love for you unconventionally

Make no mistake, an overachiever can love you as madly as that sweet-tongued ex of yours claimed to do. His method of expression might just differ. Instead of buying you flowers, an overachieving boyfriend might try to woo you with his impeccable rap skills. 

If he is an art student at the university, he might take you to the museum of weird art pieces because he’s crazy about art.

If you’d rather want him to take you out on a regular romantic date and buy you flowers too, talk to him about it. However, never shut down his preferences either.

11. He might be the obsessively romantic type

The rare aspect of an overachiever is him showing you how obsessed he is with you. When he is ready to smother you with love, you’ll know how he's feeling, especially if he has more than enough money to do so. He will do his best to top the past experiences you’ve had. He is an overachiever in other things, so why not love too?

His attention might seem too much sometimes, but enjoy it while it lasts. You may also talk to him about toning down his affection without sounding unappreciative. The important thing is to create a balance with your overachieving boyfriend. 


What is the overachiever syndrome?

The overachiever syndrome is when someone is obsessed with achieving a huge amount of success at an unreasonable pace.

Is overachieving a compliment?

When someone calls you an overachiever they might mean it as a compliment, but it’s also a snide reference to your lofty goals. 

How do you spot an overachiever?

An overachiever is always on the move. He hardly takes necessary breaks unless his body demands it. His anxiety and fear of failure make him take desperate steps that can harm others.

How can being an overachiever be a weakness?

It can make you neglect personal care and put your health at risk. An overachiever is more likely to have a cardiac arrest or die untimely.

Why are overachievers hated?

Most overachievers are hated because they are ready to trample on others to get to the peak of success. 

To Summarize 

Being an overachiever is not singularly bad. It only becomes horrible when your partner doesn’t pace himself to achieve his dreams or gives you no consideration while at it. 

Do you think these tips will help you create the necessary balance in your relationship? If yes, please leave a comment below and share the post with a friend.


Utilize this tool to verify if he's truly who he claims to be
Whether you're married or just started dating someone, infidelity rates have risen by over 40% in the past 20 years, so your concerns are justified.

Do you want to find out if he's texting other women behind your back? Or if he has an active Tinder or dating profile? Or even worse, if he has a criminal record or is cheating on you?

This tool can help by uncovering hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more, potentially putting your doubts to rest.


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