Are you confused about what a ‘no strings attached’ relationship really means? Perhaps you have been offered an NSA relationship by a man you want to sleep with, but you’re not sure what this type of relationship will mean for you exactly.
In this article, I am going to not only explain what a ‘no strings attached’ relationship consists of, but also what the risks and benefits are of having one. There is a lot to think about, even if it might seem simple. Sex is more complicated than we all think. So, let’s start unraveling what it is all about, and then you can decide if you want to jump into one or hold back.
An NSA relationship works on the basis that two people decide to have a purely sexual relationship with each other. There can’t be any feelings towards the other person, and if you speak about anything in depth it must be in relation to sex and what you want from each other and your relationship in terms of pleasure.
You are not in the relationship to get to know the other person on an emotional level. It’s called “no strings attached” because quite literally you won’t anything attaching you together. You are not committed to the other person in any way shape or form except the fact you will be having sex together. have You are both in the relationship to fulfill each other’s sexual needs, as well as your own.
Most NSA relationships are open relationships. This means that you won’t be monogamous together. You can both sleep around with whoever you like and it won’t be classed as being unfaithful. At the end of the day, you won’t have feelings for the other person so it shouldn’t matter if you are both sleeping with other people too.
However, it can get very messy if one person starts to feel romantically towards the other person in the NSA relationship and they are not being monogamous. But, let's not jump ahead too quickly – the cons of an NSA relationship will be discussed later on in the article.
The general rule is that you shouldn’t get into an NSA relationship with your friends. Although some people can cope and enjoy having sex with their friends, it might ruin the platonic friendship that you had before. Having a ‘Friends with Benefits’ situation is very different from an NSA relationship. In a ‘Friends with Benefits’ relationship, you are still keeping a good relationship with your friend, but you’re just adding sex into the mix. In an NSA relationship, there is no relationship other than a sexual one.
It is a lot easier to start an NSA relationship with someone you don’t really care for, but obviously, you still need to find them attractive. Sexual interactions with friends can be difficult because you care for each other. You might start to care a little too much for your friend if you start to have sex regularly with them. A one-time hook-up with a friend is normally not a problem but jumping into constant sex with them is a whole different kettle of fish. Feelings can develop and friendships can be ruined.
It’s probably best to find someone that shares a mutual sexual attraction with you. You don’t need to know them very well, and that’s probably for the best. At the end of the day, in an NSA relationship, you aren’t going to know them any better mentally, just physically. You are much less likely to start developing feelings for someone that you don’t really know.
We will be speaking later on about the need to emotionally protect yourself in this type of relationship. However, I want to bring it your attention that you need to protect yourself from STI’s if you are going to be in an NSA relationship.
Normally, it would be totally fine to not use condoms if you are in a long term and monogamous relationship. However, in an NSA relationship, you never know how many people the other person is sleeping with. You need to always use condoms, and it might also be a good idea to be on some form of birth control medication, just in case the condom splits.
Another good idea is to get a sexual health test quite frequently, just to protect yourself and keep your peace of mind. You can still have fun and stay protected.
If you are wondering about what really makes you feel good, which positions you prefer and even what you don’t like when you are having sex, an NSA relationship can help with this. In an NSA relationship, you can freely discover your sexuality and what works for you.
Of course, you can also do this by sleeping with multiple people. However, it can be more useful to explore your sexuality with one person because you can try lots of different and great things with someone, rather than having mediocre sex with lots of people.
You can even experiment with sex toys, fetishes and play out any fantasies you have. Because you aren’t trying to impress this person or have an emotional relationship with them, you won’t really care if they judge you. So, it’s time to think about what you have always wanted to do in the bedroom that makes you feel shy and naughty – and do it.
It might be really refreshing for you to know that you can have sex with this person pretty much whenever you want, but you don’t have to stick around afterward. You don’t need to take on their stresses or problems. You don’t need to sit and comfort them or make their worries your own. You don’t need to hang out with their friends or meet their families. You have no loyalty to this person, which can feel like you have great freedom.
You are completely independent of that person, except when you are enjoying your steamy sessions in the bedroom. So, revel in it. You are one of the lucky ones who is single and is still getting consistent action when you want it.
As I mentioned earlier, you have no loyalty to this person. In an NSA relationship, you have complete freedom to sleep with as many other people as you want. So, if you want to play the field a little bit, do it. Enjoy this time in your life. You essentially can have as much sex as you like, with as many people.
Of course, not everyone wants to do this. However, my advice would be to take the opportunity to fulfill all of your sexual urges with whoever you want to. You should take advantage of the fact that there is no one telling you what to do or wanting you to be faithful towards them.
You can also keep open to seeing other people. So, if you are looking for something a little more emotionally serious, you can pursue this too and then leave the NSA whenever you feel like you need to.
It’s important to note that I am not saying people don’t have fun in long-term monogamous relationships – of course, they do, otherwise, no one would ever enter one. However, it is a different kind of fun when you are having sex with someone constantly but casually.
You can let your hair down. You can really and fully enjoy sex. When we are in long-term relationships with one person, sex is very much put to the back of the mind. Life takes over and suddenly picking up the kids from school and working late nights takes over from our sexual desires.
In addition to this, in NSA relationships, you don’t have to deal with what I like to call, “the smelly socks of life”. This essentially means that you don’t have to deal with all the crappy day-to-day things that come with living with someone and being in a relationship. You don’t need to even engage your brain about what the other person will be having for dinner or if they need to do the laundry. It’s not your problem, and that can be a blessing in itself.
Because you are not focused on their day to day life, you can really enjoy sex with them. You are seeing the positive parts of them and that’s great. You don’t have to think about anything else but having amazing sex with them.
For women, it can give us sexual freedom and fulfillment that we have always wanted but always been judged for. Celebrate the fact that you are having great sex with someone you don’t need to be official with.
This is definitely the biggest risk when it comes to having a ‘No Strings Attached’ relationship. It is only natural that being intimate with someone can lead to having feelings for them. You will have most likely decided to go into an NSA relationship with someone that you are deeply physically attracted to, and as this is one of the reasons why we start to fall in love with people, it could happen that you will develop feelings for this person.
This can be especially hard if your feelings towards them are unrequited. However, you can’t blame the other person if they do not reciprocate your feelings. You did decide to go into an NSA relationship with them, and you knew that there would be no further emotional relationship with them.
It can also happen the other way around. The man you are sleeping with might start feeling things towards you. If you do reciprocate his feelings, this could be really great and there might be potential for a further relationship with each other. However, if you don’t feel the same way towards this man, it can be hard for both of you.
You will need to let him down gently and remind him that you both entered into this NSA relationship with no expectations of anything other than good sex with each other. I’m sure he will just be caught up in lust and will be confusing it with love, so he shouldn’t get too hurt about you rejecting him.
Either of you or both of you could feel jealous about the other person sleeping with others. Obviously, if you start to develop feelings for the other person then you are going to start feeling jealous of them seeing or sleeping with other people.
However, even if you don’t necessarily have feelings towards the other person, you might just feel jealous of the time that they are spending with others rather than spending it pleasing you. It can be really difficult if you feel jealous because you won’t be able to tell them. You decided to enter the relationship knowing that it was not going to be monogamous, and they would be sleeping with other people. You are also allowed to sleep with others, so it doesn’t really make sense for you to seem jealous.
If you do tell them, you could risk freaking them out and ending up with no NSA relationship at all.
Of course, I assume that you are not looking for a committed and serious relationship, hence the reason that you are either in an NSA or looking to get into one. However, NSA relationships can surprisingly last a long time, and if you are spending a lot of time invested in one person, you might be shutting yourself off to other and more romantic opportunities with other people.
You might realize that as time goes on you would have actually preferred to be in a more serious and monogamous relationship by now, and your NSA relationship was holding you back.
Being in an NSA relationship and being in a serious monogamous relationship are two very different things. If you decide that you want to move on and try to date other people more seriously, you might realize that you put less respect and care into your relationships.
‘No Strings Attached’ relationships make it easy to not think about the other person’s feelings. Therefore, this might follow you through to a more serious relationship and you might come across very selfish and perhaps a little too independent. It could lead to your future partner feeling undervalued and unloved.
An NSA relationship is an open relationship, and therefore you have had the opportunity to sleep with whoever you have wanted, while still being in a sexual relationship with one person in particular. This could have bad effects on future relationships, and you might find yourself looking at other people and finding them attractive. There is no harm in doing this, everyone does. The difference is that because previously you could take action and make a move on them, it might be difficult for you to stop yourself from cheating on your partner.
I’m not saying this is an excuse to cheat, but it could be difficult for you to control yourself because you didn’t have to before.
This is pretty much inevitable. Unless you both fall head over heels for each other and start a serious relationship together, one of you is going to move on and find someone else.
If your NSA relationship ends because of this reason, you could look at it positively and be glad that it didn’t end because one of you fell madly in love with the other or there wasn’t a huge row over jealousy. However, it can be difficult to adjust after losing your designated sex partner, and you might feel like you’ve gone through a breakup, even if you didn’t feel anything emotionally towards them.
It might also make you question what you are doing with your life and relationships – is it possibly time for you to start looking for something a little bit more serious?
In a No Strings Attached’ relationship you are obviously more likely to catch some kind of STI than if you were in a monogamous relationship. You might both be sleeping with multiple people, and you might be open with each other about it. In fact, one of the rules within an NSA relationship is that you shouldn’t discuss each other’s sexual partners, but we will have a look at the rules later.
The negative about not speaking about each other’s sexual partners is that you will never know if he is sleeping with someone else with an STI. You can obviously use condoms to avoid the risk of getting an STI, and I highly recommend that. However, we all know that sometimes if we are too excited, we don’t take a lot of precautions.
Even though you might be very intimate with this person, it is best to refrain from speaking too much to them about anything other than sex. If you do, you could start to feel a deeper connection with them which could lead to unwanted feelings for both of you.
It’s a bad idea to ask who the other person is sleeping with. It could spark some jealousy within you, and quite frankly it is none of your business. You have both agreed to just have sex with each other, you have no right to start asking about the other details of their life.
The moment that one of you starts to feel something other than sexual attraction towards the other person, it needs to be said and the relationship needs to be stopped. If nothing is stopped, this could lead to complications with feelings and jealously further down the road.
In an NSA relationship, the only thing you should really be texting about is when and where you are going to have sex with each other. Try to keep texting them to a minimum, or you might start expecting them to talk with you a lot. Then if they don’t, jealously could kick in.
As mentioned earlier, there is a higher risk of getting an STI in a polyamorous relationship, so make sure you are always using protection, no matter how excited you get.
I hope this article has helped you if you are wondering if a ‘No Strings Attached’ relationship is a good idea for you and you think you have what it takes. If you think you do, I wish you all the best – go and have some fun. Just be safe and play by the relationship rules to avoid getting hurt.
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