Do you no longer feel attracted to your husband? Do you feel bad that you feel this way? Has he let himself go and you’re unsure how to tell him? You’re not the only one who is felling this way, it is quite common at some point in a marriage for women to not be attracted to their husbands whether they admit it or not. I have certainly found myself thinking this before. How you deal with it is what is important though.
Just because you feel he isn’t attractive right now in this time of his life doesn’t mean that the attractiveness won’t come back as he may just need a bit of motivation to get fit or you may need to adjust how you’re looking at him. In this blog post, I am going to explain some things you can do if you’re feeling this way.
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One of the first things that you need to think about is whether you are setting your expectations of him too high. At the end of the day he isn’t going to be George Clooney as much as you’re going to be Jennifer Aniston because I’m sure that kind of beauty doesn’t come naturally and takes a whole lot of money and Photo shopping to get. We are not all Hollywood stars as much as we might like to pretend so don’t expect him to be one.
If you look at yourself in the mirror, you will probably notice that you have also changed in the years gone by. As we all get older, our bodies change and our appearances change… that’s just nature! When I found myself thinking that my husband wasn’t as attractive as when we first met, I reminded myself that I’m not the little fitty that I was 15 or so years ago. While I believe I’m still attractive, I know I’m no 21 year old anymore and I’m ok with that. This is why I’m now also happy with how my husband looks too.
While you may feel that you no longer find your husband attractive, it may be because you are focusing on all the things wrong with him rather than all the things right with him. Instead of focusing on his beer belly, focus on how he still has an amazing head of hair that you love putting your fingers through. Sometimes to find the attraction again, you need to dig a little deeper and find the little things that made you fall in love with him. For me, I still love how my husband has a good chest that I love snuggling into. My mum for example still talks about how she loves my dad’s icy blue eyes.
To help give your husband motivation to want to look better and take care of himself, give him compliments when he makes an effort. By paying him extra attention and complimenting will give him more reason to make an effort to look good more often. If you’re looking through some old photos then mention how good he looked when he used to swim. This might give him incentive to start swimming and get fit again. If you don’t want to tell him about his beer belly in case you hurt his feelings then this is a good way to subtly suggest he makes more of an effort in his appearance.
If you don’t really go anywhere where your husband has to make an effort then start going out on dates more. Why not book dinner at a fancy restaurant in town? Arranging to go places where dressing formal is required is a great way to get him to make more of an effort. Once he does, you’ll be able to compliment him as in the previous tip above.
You may initially believe that “attractive” means whether you find someone’s appearance attractive but is that what it really means? Don’t focus so much on how your husband has let himself go but focus on all his good qualities instead. Remind yourself how he makes you breakfast in the morning, how he takes care of you when you’re not feeling well or how he picks you up when you’re feeling down.
If your subtle hints haven’t motivated him to get into shape or take care of his appearance then you can always tell him. I would be very careful when doing this though that you don’t hurt his feelings or knock his confidence. Be realistic with what he can change too; if he has lost his hair then he can’t exactly grow it back so don’t knock him by telling him this is a turn off for you. If he has a bit of a beer belly then this is something he can change and something that will improve his health too.
You may be feeling like he isn’t attractive anymore because you have simply become detached and have lost the romance in your relationship. To bring the romance back again, you can start by making contact skin to skin again. You can do this by touching his arm when laughing at his jokes or even holding eye contact when talking. You may realize that looks had nothing to do with it and that it was just because you had forgotten how to romance each other.
Before you dive in head first and start telling him that he has let himself go, you should make sure that it isn’t because of something more serious. We all get a bit too comfortable in our relationships which is why it is so easy to let go a bit but sometimes letting yourself go can be because of stress at work or anything else that causes stress. Have an honest conversation with your husband if you feel something is causing him stress.
Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself?
This doesn't mean he doesn't like you. You have to understand how he is wired. Once you do, you'll find there is a subtle thing you can say that to him that will drastically change how he shows his emotions towards you.
Take this quick quiz that looks at whether he actually likes you or not!