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How To Tell If A Married Man Is In Love With You (8 Undeniable Signs)

by Sonya Schwartz

Are you sick and tired of feeling paranoid about your relationship with a married man? 

Is the uncertainty of the relationship driving you crazy? 

Do you fear that he’s going to patch things up with his wife? 

Perhaps he tells you he loves you, but you can’t accept that it’s true.  

If you do feel that way, it’s time to take action. You need to discover what’s going on behind the scenes.

This is for the good of your own wellbeing. These ‘will he leave her?’ dramas with married men can last years.

It’s not fair that your romance is cursed with this uncertainty.

You deserve to know what’s going on. 

Luckily, there’s a powerful online tracking tool available that will reveal all the hidden truths about your relationship with a married man (click here to check it out).

It’s fast, it’s discreet and it’s effective. 

You just need to enter a few of his personal details and the tool will reveal a wealth of information regarding who he’s been contacting. You’ll discover who he frequently contacts, what messaging apps he’s using and whether he’s downloading any online dating apps. 

That’s just scratching the surface of the available information. 

To discover the truth about whether your married man really loves you, activate this tool today

Because if he’s messing around with other mistresses, he’s not in love with you... The article below reveals eight key signs that a married man is in love with you. This should provide some much-needed clarity on his feelings.

1. Exchanging messages on important occasions

A sure sign that your man only has eyes for you is if he contacts you on dates or occasions which are significant in his life.  If you receive a text or message during a time when you know he is occupied elsewhere then this is the strongest signal that he is thinking about you rather than his wife or family.

He is busy with a big family function or is away on a special holiday but if your phone or messaging service keeps receiving alerts then he clearly can’t get you out of his head, a solid indicator of a man head over heels in love.  But some might say that is just early infatuation or lust or is it just absence making the heart grow fonder?  Not having you so available might focus his mind more clearly but that could just be good old-fashioned desire rather than true love. 

Perhaps of more significance is when a man stays in touch whilst he is away doing something with his children.  Many men will drag their feet in extra marital affairs because they can’t bear to leave the kids.  Some men make a distinction between the infidelity and betrayal of trust to their wives and to their children; the latter has a higher standard of care.  If he is prepared to think about you and contact you during a significant time with his children then this is surely a key signal of how he feels about you.

He may feel insecure that you are geographically some distance away, that he can’t see you so easily or when he wants to.  He may wonder what you are doing in his absence, are you having a good time, even have you met someone else?  These are all feelings demonstrated by someone who is in love rather than in lust.  Real feelings make men and women insecure, scared of the intensity of what they are experiencing, worried about losing the affection of the one they love.  These messages might tell you what a miserable time he is having and how he is not enjoying the company of his wife and would rather be with you but you should read between the lines. 

2. Missing key events to be with you

This is the next stage that follows on from messaging during significant absences, a natural sequence.  Has your married man got to the point where he cannot bear to be away from you and is prepared to miss all or part of key life events to be by your side instead of his wife’s?

Planning to avoid enforced absences so he can be with you is a developmental sign along the road to true love.  Apart from anything else, it demonstrates a persistence and desire for you as important family occasions can be much harder to avoid.  No-one thinks twice about working late but missing a wedding or family celebration is a tough act.  He is going to need a bullet-proof reason and an Oscar-winning acting performance for sure!

The more significant the event, the bigger the kudos.  Missing granny’s 70th birthday celebration is probably a one or two on the scale 1-10 but missing his wife’s birthday has got to rank as a 6 or 7.  If he misses a child’s birthday then you really are home and dry.  But should you encourage this?  It can be really hard to find an excuse sufficiently plausible to miss a key event and he runs an incredible risk.  Whilst this is truly flattering, only the very skilful will not arouse suspicion and can get away with it.

Missing key events involves a real depth of not only feeling but willingness to deceive.  It’s not easy concocting a plausible story and as men are basically quite lazy creatures, he must be working pretty hard right now to avoid this event to see you.  Reasons and stories will be scrutinised so your man is going to have put in a considerable amount of time and effort.  Perhaps more importantly, this indicates a weakening of his family ties.  He has reconciled his guilt and decided that you are more important than his wife and even more so, his children.  This is the hallmark when the double life starts to change focus and the emphasis moves more in your favour.

3. Removing his wedding ring

Married Man In Love With You

The symbolism of the wedding ring is endless and documented throughout literature down through the centuries.  The shape of the wedding band represents the endless circle of love which is symbolic of the couple themselves.  Once described as, ‘the world’s smallest handcuffs’, an unattributed quotation but clearly crafted with the venom of someone who wanted to be free of their marriage vows.

Some men remove their wedding ring from the get-go, for others, it takes a little time into their extra marital relationship to prize the wedding band from their finger.  You can always tell if a man has worn a ring as there will be a telltale indent or change of skin colouring.  In the immortal words of the actor, Benedict Cumberbatch, “People’s hands fascinate me.  It’s tempting to look at a businessman’s left hand and see if there’s an indentation from a missed wedding ring.  Or maybe there’s a tan line and the skin is pressed down where he’s worked a ring off his finger.”

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

You might be able to check out whether your guy was a habitual wedding ring wearer by looking at pictures on social media or, you may have observed it during your early courtship when you vowed – pun intended – not to get involved with a married man.

Some men symbolically will always take the ring off when they are with another woman but if he is still wearing it when he is seeing you then it could be significant when he decides not to.  This might take place at a special time or romantic encounter or it could just be that one day he decides that his love for you is great enough for him to remove that wedding band and all it stands for.

Some women recount from their own experiences that removing the ring is a sign of guilt and nothing more.  The ring is a constant, visible and powerful reminder of the infidelity – out of sight out of mind.  I guess the significance of removing his wedding ring depends on the circumstances and the individual wearer.

4. Giving you more expensive luxury gifts than he gives his wife

Who doesn’t remember the poignant scene in the film, ‘Love Actually’ when Emma Thompson catches her husband at the jewellery counter in the department store on a mutual Christmas shopping trip.  Her husband’s discomfort at the time and deliberation the shop assistant takes in wrapping and presenting the gift is palpable.  On the big day, excitement mounts as she opens an appropriately-shaped package only to discover a Joni Mitchell CD.  The elegant piece of expensive jewellery is for the other woman so it seems, an expensive and beautiful heart-shaped necklace, a lover’s token.  Her retreat to her bedroom before a planned family outing, to manage her realisation of her husband’s extra marital affair away from the children, is heart-rending.

It seems that as wives become more distant in a man’s mind and more functional, their gifts change to those of a practical nature with little forethought attached to them.  You, on the other hand, may receive something a lot more lavish and decorative but is this just frippery or a sign of something stronger?

Gifts don’t have to be overt and expensive, they can be thoughtful and considerate.  A man who takes the time to plan a gift or source something unusual and pertinent to you is not just relying on the standard, chocolates, flowers and jewellery and is clearly placing a high value on your liaison.  A stunningly beautiful and expensive piece of jewellery can be bought quickly in reality but a carefully sourced present which clearly illustrates time and consideration in the choosing is far more significant in a relationship than a box of dazzling bling.

Are expensive romantic gifts just symptomatic of a more exciting and illicit relationship?  According to a spokesperson for the website, Illicit Encounters, decorative gifts simply reflect the relationship, exciting, eye-catching and relatively superficial.  Are decorative non-functional gifts just the trimmings for a man who is having an affair?  Do the more solid, functional gifts represent his ultimate respect and attachment for the homemaker, the permanent presence in his life?  That is debatable.

5. Developing a sophisticated subterfuge to enable him to lead a double life

This is the hallmark of a man intent on developing your relationship for sure.  There is a sense of permanence when you move on from ad hoc excuses to something solid and tangible like a job posting or a secondment which is used as a cover for your meetings.

Creating a job development or a sick relative far away show a commitment from your man to a more permanent state of affairs.  One-off excuses come and go in the wind but seriously believable fiction needs time and care and nurturing to keep it alive and plausible.  Men are generally considered less manipulative and cunning than women.  This might be a generalisation but if it doesn’t come naturally to your guy then the fact that he is prepared to concoct an elaborate cover story is surely proof of serious and long-lasting intentions isn’t it?

Cover stories are hard work, its easy to get caught out and the more complicated story, the more likely he will get tripped up.  But don’t underestimate the spark of the illicit liaison.  Part of the addictive frisson of extra marital affairs is the element of secrecy.  Some men (and women) become addicted to the thrill of leading a double life but are they actually more in love with the secrecy and the excitement than with you?  For some men, the secrecy is the most important part of the affair and overshadows everything else including the intensity of their feelings.  The concept of ‘playing away’, getting a break from the dull routine of work and family life but without risking any of it, can itself provide its own oxygen.  This is why many men go on to have numerous affairs.   

Crafting and colouring a whole storyline takes a bit of doing if it is to be plausible and indicates that things are becoming more serious and moving in the direction of permanency.  If your man sees a long-term future then perhaps he is ready to commit emotionally and with his heart and you won’t have to wait very long for those special words, ‘I love you’

6. Buying you a property

There could be a few reasons why your guy decides to buy a property where you can be alone together.  It could just be a question of practicalities before you get too excited. 

Repeated hotel bills and receipts for dinner are going to show up on his bank and credit card statements – this is a risky business.  Buying a little love nest somewhere removes the need for all this and makes discovery less likely.  If you are both in a relationship then it is easy to see the difficulty of finding somewhere to be alone together and the heightened risk of discovery from a constant paper trail of evidence.

But if you are single and comfortable in your own home, there is no risk and why should you move?  It may be that a flat or house out of the area makes discovery less likely than repeated visits to your home.  Buying a property is a big step and not easy to achieve unnoticed but are you sure this is really a sign of true love?  It could even be an investment decision depending on what he does for a living.

Some women argue that this is about security for him, knowing that he has you where he wants you, having his cake and eat it.  Is a man less likely to commit emotionally if his mistress is installed safely in a property that he owns?  Is this all about control and preventing you from meeting someone else who may be free to make a commitment to you?

Some women feel trapped by the purchase of property just for them.  After all, it is not like you are choosing and buying it together.  If he already has a flat readymade just for the purpose, you might wonder if you are just one in a long line of notches on his proverbial bedpost.  Moving into his property could affect the decision you make about your own home.  Some women are not prepared to take that step until their man has actually left his wife.  You could end up high and dry with nowhere to live if it all falls out of bed.

7. Leaving his wife

Surely this must be the ultimate testament to his feelings for you?  Well yes, it can be.  Equally, it could be that she has found out about you and thrown him out.  What are the circumstances of his departure?  Have you planned it together or does he just turn up on your doorstep one day, suitcase in hand and a sob story at the ready?

Leaving his wife isn’t necessarily a sign of love, it could be that life has just been too difficult, too uncomfortable.  Although she doesn’t know for sure, her intuition may tell her that there is something wrong.  Or they simply could have a disintegrating relationship which is why he sought the affair in the first place?  Having somewhere to run to makes it easier to bolt.  If you are also in a relationship then this probably won’t happen.  Any departure must be considered and planned rather than the result of a rush of blood to the head.

But for most women, a decision made to walk out and not go back is proof enough that he is in love with them and committed to making a future together.  I guess all situations are different and you need to look at the context and the personalities involved to make a judgement.

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When a man leaves his wife, the dynamics of your relationship with him will change wholly and forever.  What was a part-time relationship suddenly becomes full time.  You are both free to be together and do what you want, suddenly things may blossom and develop or might they just become a little less exciting once reality dawns.  Be prepared for many months of wrangling over home and children which will dominate your relationship going forward.  You may suddenly become the visible ‘other woman’ to his children who he will want to continue to see.  It will become a totally different relationship.   Some experienced campaigners amongst the fairer sex might say that it is better to have a declaration of undying love but your own space and sole rights over the front door key.  Think about it.

8. He tells you he loves you

The ultimate proof surely that he has made that emotional commitment is when he says the words.  Love is a complex thing and some men are more closed off and hidden about their feelings and emotions than others.  He may have loved you for ages but not wanted to say it – he may not need to say it, you just know.

Making that ultimate statement can change things.  You might desire his love above all else but be happy with how things are - a part-time lover and relationship.  Saying those words might herald a practical change that you don’t welcome.  Some men get carried away with the excitement and illicit nature of what they are doing and the words come tumbling out when perhaps they shouldn’t have and they are not quite true.  Words are easy to say but don’t actions speak louder than words?

You may not really belive his heartfelt confession until he actually leaves his wife as this is demonstrable and tangible proof of his feelings towards you.  Many men say the words but this is just lip service; they don’t want to rock the boat and get used to the status quo.  Coming clean and breaking up the family home is much harder than pillow talk, it is the final step.  But, I have already talked about what departure from the marital home can mean for your special relationship so be careful what you wish for. 

FAQs

How Do You Tell If A Married Man Is In Love With You?

First and foremost, he'll not talk to you about his wife, that's just awkward. Also, he'll start showing you attention just like any other man. Soon enough, you'll notice that conversation starts taking a new route. You'll also notice that he's taking an interest in your life in general.

What Does It Mean When A Married Man Says He Loves You?

It could mean one of two things and you're probably not going to like one of them. First and foremost, it could mean that he's looking for a break from the normalcy of marital life. On the other hand, he could actually mean it. In that case, look for signs that he's really willing to settle.

What Do You Do When You're In Love With A Married Man?

Be realistic about what you want to gain from the relationship. Keep it at the back of your mind that he is highly unlikely to leave his wife for you. Just be satisfied with the part of him that you get or move on to something a lot more wholesome.

How Do You Make A Married Man Fall Madly In Love With You?

First and foremost, you need to understand exactly why he's stepping out on his wife. If it's just for the sex, then he's a lost cause. If he's searching for a deeper connection, then just be his escape and progress slowly. Don't push things, commitment is already a big issue for a married man. Be a safe haven.

How Do You Make A Married Man Miss You?

Be subtle in every area of the relationship except in the bedroom. Also, be kind, especially if he's not having such a great time at home. You also want to try not to be available all the time. Give him the sense that you have a life outside him; because you do.

Conclusion

I hope you have enjoyed this little foray into the psyche of the married man.  It just shows that the truth behind those three magical words, I love you, is complex and very individual to the couple in question.  If you know someone who is in this very situation then show them this list and let them draw their own conclusions. If it is useful then share it.  It would be great to see what other women think of my suggestions, especially if they are based on real-life experience.  I started this article by saying, “they all say that” but I stand to be corrected.  There is nothing like real life when it comes to experience and, as we all know, truth is often stranger than fiction.

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Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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