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Walking Away From an Avoidant: How to Get Over It?

Last updated on November 21, 2022 by Sonya Schwartz

Avoidant partners are masters at shutting down and withdrawing from relationships. They often make their partners feel like they are not good enough, leading to self-doubt and insecurity. If you think about walking away from an avoidant partner, you must understand why they act the way they do. It would help if you also learned how to care for yourself during this time.

The main thing you can do if you are dumped by a dismissive avoidant is to take care of your mental and physical health. It is critical to deal with all complications that the breakup leads to.

This article will provide tips and advice on how to deal with this type of relationship and move on.

What Is It Like to Love Someone with Avoidant Attachment?

An avoidant partner is someone who is emotionally distant, disengaged, and often unwilling to provide support or intimacy. In other words, they tend to pull away from close relationships. People with an avoidant attachment style usually fear intimacy and may find it difficult to trust and be open with others. They may also have difficulty dealing with emotions, making it hard to maintain close relationships1. Besides, emotional problems don’t disappear in a dismissive avoidant after break up.

If you're in a relationship with an avoidant partner, you may feel lonely, frustrated, and unimportant. You may also find yourself constantly seeking their approval or attention. While it's normal to feel this way in any relationship, it's important to remember that you deserve to be in a healthy and supportive partnership.

How to Recognize Relationships with an Avoidant Partner?

The first step is learning to recognize the signs that you are loving someone with avoidant attachment. Many people there don’t even realize it until it’s too late. Here are some common signs2:

● Your partner is constantly pulling away from you, both emotionally and physically.

● Your partner is always busy and rarely has time for you.

● Your partner never seems to be able to commit to anything: whether planning for the future or even just plans for the weekend.

● Your partner always puts their needs above yours, even if it means leaving you out in the cold.

● You constantly feel like you are chasing your partner, trying to get them to pay attention to you.

● Your partner never seems to be present when you are together, even if they are physically there.

If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who exhibits these signs, it’s essential to take a step back and assess the situation. Avoidant partners can be challenging because they constantly send mixed signals. One minute they may seem interested and engaged, and the next, they may be distant and cold. This hot-and-cold behavior can be very confusing and make it hard to know how to react.

How to Love or Leave a Dismissive Avoidant Partner?

The relationship with an avoidant partner can be frustrating because you may feel that they are never really there for you. In this situation, you have two ways to act. You can try to save your love and prevent a dismissive avoidant breakup. Or, if you understand that they are burdensome for you, it’s time to walk away from an avoidant partner. You should feel mostly love and happiness in relationships, not vice versa. So, we gathered several pieces of advice on how to love or leave a dismissive partner.

1. Communicating with an avoidant

First, you must converse with your partner about their avoidant behavior. It can be challenging, but you should do this. Trying to get to the root of the problem3.

● Maybe he had problems with his parents in the past, as they were never around.

● If your partner is avoidant because of a previous bad experience, they may need some time and space to work through those issues.

● If personality is more at the heart of the matter, you may need to find ways to help your partner feel more comfortable opening up.

Whatever the case may be, understanding where their behavior comes from can help you to have more empathy and patience.

One more thing is to express your feelings correctly, as your partner may not be aware of your need for more intimacy and connection.

2. Build trust to prevent walking away from an avoidant partner

build trust to prevent walking away from an avoidant partner

If you want a relationship to keep prospering as you love someone with avoidant attachment, you should create trustworthy communication. It can be challenging, but still, it is worth it. Your partner may be unable to trust you because they don't feel like you are truly there for them. To help build trust, you must be consistent in your words and actions when communicating with an avoidant. Don't make promises you can't keep, and always follow through on your commitments.

3. Create an independent space for each other

If you want to save your love, you both should understand the needs and boundaries of each other. It means setting up rules and behavior that are acceptable for both partners. Here are a few tips on how to do this:

● Indicate certain things that are not acceptable, such as being verbally abusive or belittling you. If they cross these boundaries, you must be firm and tell them they need to stop.

● Create opportunities for the development of each partner personally. In this case, your relationships won’t be overwhelming, and you can feel some independence from a dismissive avoidant.

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● Create moments for intimacy. Plan special dates or nights where you can focus on spending quality time together without distractions. Make an effort to connect with your partner during these times by talking about things that are important to you and listening attentively to what they have to say.

The main goal is not to let your partner's avoidant behavior rule your life.

4. Visit a specialist

If you've tried everything and you're still struggling to connect with your partner, it may be time to seek professional help. A therapist can provide guidance and support as you both work on overcoming the challenges in your relationship. He will help to prevent a dismissive avoidant breakup or give some hacks on how to get over an avoidant partner naturally and without stress.

It sometimes may be necessary to walk away from an avoidant partner. If his behavior is causing you more pain than happiness, it may be time to let go. It can be a difficult decision, but it's important to remember that you deserve to be happy and healthy in your relationships.

5. Understand the reasons why you stay in these relationships

No one wants to be in a relationship where they don't feel wanted, needed, or essential. If you're in a relationship where you don't feel valued, it's time to ask yourself why you're staying. Often people stay in unhappy relationships because they are afraid to be alone. It would help if you understood why you need to break up4.

● Perhaps you've realized the relationship isn't healthy for either of you.

● Maybe you feel like your partner is never genuinely present, even when they're physical with you.

● Or, it could be that you're not compatible in the long run.

Whatever the reason, it's essential to understand why breaking up is the best decision for both of you before taking further action.

6. Think about your feelings during avoidant relationships

When you are in an avoidant relationship, it can be easy to become wrapped up in your partner's actions and forget about your feelings. If you want to know how to get over an avoidant partner, you should understand how unhappy you were with him and how much you want to be happy.

It's easy to convince yourself that you don't care about your partner when they're constantly pulling away from you. But the truth is, it hurts to be constantly rejected and pushed away. If you're feeling hurt, angry, or sad, it's important to acknowledge those feelings instead of pushing them down.

7. Focus on your health and well-being

It's important to remember that you are not responsible for your partner's actions or decisions. If your partner is avoidant, it's not your fault, and there's nothing you can do to change them.

● Instead, focus on taking care of yourself.

● Make sure to eat healthy foods, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly.

● It may also mean seeking professional help if you are struggling to cope.

● It’s important to ensure that you are taking time for yourself and doing things that make you happy.

Taking care of your physical health will help you feel better and be more ready to deal with the situation.

8. Change love relationships to contacts with friends

The easiest way to get over an avoidant partner is to change your love relationship into contact with friends. It may seem like a heartless thing to do, but it's really the best way to protect yourself from further hurt.

● Find new social contacts, hang out with friends, and meet new people.

● Seek support from family and friends. They will help you pass this challenging period and are always on your side.

9. Be solid in your decision

be solid in your decision

The primary step is to be honest with yourself and decide that you want to end the relationship. It can be difficult if you still have strong feelings for your avoidant partner, but it's important to remember that continuing the relationship will only result in more pain in the long run.

It may help to write down your reasons for wanting to break up and refer to them when you start to have doubts. It will help you stay focused as you begin moving on.

Deciding to move on from an avoidant partner can be difficult, but being confident and specific in your choice is essential.

10. Don’t blame yourself for the break up

One of the most common reactions after a break is blaming oneself. It is especially true if your partner is avoidant. You might think, “If only I had been more patient/understanding/fun/etc., then we would still be together.” But it’s important to remember that an avoidant partner has issues with intimacy, so it was not your fault.

It’s important to remind yourself that it takes two people to make a relationship work. Just because your partner was avoidant doesn’t mean that you did anything wrong. They likely struggled with their issues long before you came into the picture.

11. Don’t monitor the life of the avoidant partner after the breakup

After the breakup, it is common for people to want to keep tabs on their former partner’s life. This urge should be avoided at all costs. Monitoring the avoidant partner’s social media or asking mutual friends about their activities will only prolong the healing process. It is essential to do the following:

● Let go of the past and move on with your life.

● Grieve the loss of the relationship without constantly being reminded of what your ex is up to.

12. Analyze mistakes in these relationships to avoid them in future ones

It can be challenging walking away from an avoidant partner. After all, you may have invested much time and energy into the relationship, only to be left feeling rejected and alone. One of the first things you need to do is to analyze your own mistakes in the relationship. What did you do wrong? What could you have done differently? If you have problems objectively estimating your actions, ask for help from friends, family, or professionals.

Once you have analyzed your own mistakes, you need to learn from them. It means that you should avoid making the same mistakes in future relationships.

13. Improve your self-esteem

If you find yourself frequently doubting your worth or questioning whether you truly deserve love and happiness, it may be time to work on improving your self-esteem. A healthy sense of self-worth is essential for any lasting, fulfilling relationship, so if you don't have it, now is the time to focus on building it up. Here are a few tips:

● Identify your strengths and accomplishments. Make a list of things you're proud of, both big and small. Include everything from significant life achievements to simple successes. Please review this list often, and add to it as you achieve new things.

● Challenge negative thoughts. When you have doubts about yourself, question them. Are they true? Or are they just based on old insecurities or past failures? Once you identify the source of your negative thinking, you can start to let go of it.

● Focus on your needs. Make sure you're taking care of yourself emotionally and physically. Don't sacrifice your happiness for the sake of someone else. If you're not getting what your relationship needs, speak up or walk away.

● Spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself. Surround yourself with positive, supportive people who will help boost your self-esteem. Avoid anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself or puts you down.

14. Accept this break up as the past stage of life

accept this break up as the past stage of life

One of the most important things you need to do is accept that this relationship is over. It's not going to be easy, but it's something you need to do.

● You must understand that your avoidant partner is no longer a part of your life and that you must move on.

● It doesn't mean that you will never be able to love again or that you were never really in love. It simply means that this relationship has ended, and it's time to move on.

● There's no need to dwell on what might have been or to try to figure out what went wrong.

Accepting the breakup will help you to let go of the past and start looking toward the future.

15. Mourn this relationship and forgive you both

This is the most challenging step. Give yourself time to mourn the loss of the relationship.

● It's okay to cry, to be angry, and to feel pain.

● Allow yourself to grieve.

● It's also important to forgive yourself and your partner. Remember that you both are human beings who made mistakes.

● Don't be afraid to lean on your friends and family for support.

● It's also essential to permit yourself to feel all your emotions, even negative ones. Trying to bottle up your feelings will only make the healing process harder.

● Be gentle with yourself as you move on.

FAQs

Do dismissive avoidants regret breaking up?

Dismissive avoidants are often perceived as cold and heartless, but this isn't always the case. While they may not show it, many feel lost and regretful when they break up with a partner.

How to win back a dismissive avoidant?

It is possible to win back a dismissive avoidant partner, but it will take a lot of patience and understanding. The first step is to accept that your partner will probably not change overnight. Accept that they need space. You must be prepared because they may never completely open up to you emotionally. Communicate clearly about your wishes. Finally, you should be willing to compromise with your partner.

How does an avoidant show love?

An avoidant partner may show love in several ways. They may go out of their way to please or make you happy. They may also try to avoid conflict or disagreement, even if it means walking away from the relationship. They may not be as openly affectionate or may not express their feelings as often. However, this does not mean they do not deeply care for their partner.

How long do avoidants pull away?

It is not uncommon for avoidants to suddenly pull away from their partner without any explanation. It usually happens when they feel overwhelmed by the relationship or experience anxiety about being too close to their partner. Some may only need a few days to recharge, while others may take weeks or months. There is no set time frame, so it's essential to be patient and understanding.

Conclusion

So there you have it, the best tips for walking away from an avoidant partner. With our pieces of advice, you can get over this relationship much easier. But it would be best if you remembered that there is no one-size-fits-all answer on how to get over an avoidant partner. Just think about yourself and your feelings.

Did you find this list helpful? If so, share it with friends on your social media. Also, if you have some more ideas, let’s discuss them in the comments!

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Sources:

  1. Medical News Today (2020): What is avoidant attachment?
  2. Joyce Catlett, M.A. (2022): Avoidant Attachment: Understanding Insecure Avoidant Attachment.
  3. Lyndsay Elizabeth Evraire, David John Andrew Dozois, and Jesse Lee Wilde (2022): The Contribution of Attachment Styles and Reassurance Seeking to Trust in Romantic Couples.
  4. PsychCentral (2022): How to Increase Intimacy and Communication with an Avoidant Partner: 21 Ways.
  5. Ione Bretaña, Itziar Alonso-Arbiol, Patricia Recio, and Fernando Molero (2021): Avoidant Attachment, Withdrawal-Aggression Conflict Pattern, and Relationship Satisfaction: A Mediational Dyadic Mode.
Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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