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How To Put More Effort In A Relationship (27 Fantastic Ways)

Often, people think that happy relationships are made that way because of too much money or too much effort. Really, that is very far from the truth. In a fairy tale or romantic movie, you might see sexy lingerie or a best friend coming to the rescue in a single day. That is not entirely the way it works in real life. Relationships take work more than once a day.

In a bad relationship, you might see a couple who act more like roommates than they do partners in a romantic relationship. Their entire focus may be on their careers or what they need to do to take care of their children. In most relationships like this, one partner feels neglected, or both partners are ready to leave this “great relationship” when the kids get older.

Because truly, what are they left with? Material things and the hope of a new relationship? They’ve more than likely stopped paying attention to each other, and whatever high expectations they once had have fizzled, they’ve “settled” for one another, rarely spending time together. 

This is a major red flag and probably makes each partner feel lonely! There is hope, though!

What Is Effort In A Relationship?

To make a real relationship work, you have to put effort into it. This means spending quality time with one another and taking deliberate actions to make the relationship work. If the thought of your relationship leaves you with a bad taste in your relationship, you need to put additional effort into it, creating memories and giving your partner your undivided time and attention. 

Putting effort into your relationship means that you are willing to do whatever it takes to keep your partner interested and happy. All the little things that you don’t think are that important are what keep relationships alive. If you have put effort into your relationship and see no results, talk to your partner about his or her needs to determine what you can do next.

Date nights are a great way to start putting effort into your relationship. Make sure you get a babysitter so that date nights can be just for the two of you! According to, you want to make your partner feel valued and loved all the time. That’s what putting effort into a relationship is all about. It’s all the work you do to make them happy with you!

Why Put More Effort In A Relationship?

I’ve said it before, and I feel that I must say it again: You often get more out of something when you put effort into it than when you take it. If you do volunteer work, for example, you are going to get much more out of it than you could imagine. When it comes to a healthy relationship, how much effort you put into the relationship will directly impact your happiness!

If you spend time in your day-to-day life complimenting your partner on his or her appearance, you are going to get more out of it than you put into that. They will think, “Wow! He really noticed that I put on makeup and did my hair, even though it took me hours!” You may get sexual relations because she feels so confident in her appearance.

What do you find interesting about your partner? You don’t have to limit compliments to their appearance. If you love how rugged and handsome he looks when he fixes the sink, tell him! It’s the only way you will know if this strategy works. It could be a little uncomfortable and unfamiliar at first, but just the thought that you notice the little mundane things means the world!

How To Put More Effort Into a Relationship

1. Read a marital self-help book together

There are tons of self-help books you can read together and grow. If your partner isn’t into this idea, consider doing it on your own! Some recommended books include Boundaries, Capture His Heart, Capture Her Heart, and The 5 Love Languages. These books will teach you something new and help your relationship grow!

2. Support your partner’s passions and hobbies

support your partner's passions and hobbies

If your partner enjoys fishing or hunting, consider joining him on his outings. If you cannot stand the outdoors (like me), purchase him some cool gear for his hunting and fishing trips, and don’t nag him when he wants to hang out with the guys to do something he loves doing!

If you are a guy, let your girlfriend go to the mall with her friends without making her feel guilty for not spending time with you. Talk to her about the things she loves to talk about! Show interest in things you have no interest in because she loves them. That’s called giving and taking in a relationship!

3. Buy your partner a gift for no reason at all

I love it when my husband buys me flowers for no reason at all. Although it’s been a few years since I got a gift like this, I very much enjoy getting gifts that are “just because” - gifts that have no alternative meaning. If you are a guy, grab her a Hallmark card that says something sweet on it, and give it to her because you love her!

4. Take them out for a fun date night

If you are worried you aren’t putting enough effort into your relationship, you can really make your date nights special. Plan a romantic stroll around the park and take your partner out for a nice Italian dinner. Get a babysitter so that it will just be the two of you and no one else! Really give your partner your undivided attention!

5. Learn your partner’s love language

There are 5 love languages - spending quality time together, giving gifts, physical touch, words of affirmation, and acts of service. Grab the book or read an article online about the topic. Figure out or ask your partner which love language sounds the closest to how they feel. Learn what makes them tick, how they experience love, and what they want!

6. Speak their love language

Now that you know what love language they want, you can emulate that language in how you treat them. If they enjoy time together, make an effort to give them uninterrupted talking time. Let them talk for a given set period of time without you saying a word. This way, they can express themselves freely without fears or insecurities.

If they enjoy physical touch, make an effort to be more affectionate. Show PDA when you are in public. Put on sexy clothes to really show them that you understand their sexual needs and wants. Just learn what they need in a relationship, and make sure you are meeting their needs and wants. If you learn their love language, it should be easy!

7. Tell them what you love about them

tell them what you love about them

This is where words of affirmation come into play. However, even if that isn’t their love language, you can still offer them compliments and tell them what you love about them. Consider writing down a list of all the traits you admire about your partner so that you will know what to say when you have this conversation. 

8. Cook a romantic dinner for the two of you

What a great way to show your partner that you truly care! Just create a casserole in the crockpot or ahead of time, and pop it in the oven to warm it up. That will make the evening easy and romantic. You can light a few candles to truly make it romantic!

9. Do more chores around the house

One great way to show that you appreciate and love your partner is to do additional chores around the house. They will see what an effort you made and be very proud. They’ll also appreciate the fact that they do not have to do those things now because you picked up the slack!

10. Attend a marital workshop or conference together

Learn something awesome at a marital workshop or conference. These events happen all of the time, so you can attend one together as a couple and learn a ton of valuable information on how to improve your relationship and make it stronger.

11. Appreciate the little things your partner does, and thank them

It may just be that your husband takes out the trash or puts the seat down after he uses the restroom. Whatever it may be, make sure you say, “Thank you!” This is critical, and the more you show that you appreciate the little thing, the more often he or she will do them! If you love something, be sure you point it out!

12. Really notice your partner

really notice your partner

If your girlfriend ditches the sweats and hair bun, you should compliment her and let her know that you notice the fact that she wore makeup and a sexy dress!

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13. Ask what they did during the day, and listen with interest

Active listening means that you pay close attention to what is being said. I know I really appreciate it when my husband asks about my day and allows me the chance to share with him the things I’ve done - even if they do not interest him in the slightest bit.

14. Text or call them during the day to see how they are

This is especially meaningful! Just let them know you are thinking of them and want to know how their day is shaping up! It shows that you really care about their life!

15. Make them feel special

I know I used to have a boyfriend whose birthday fell on a holiday, so I always made a big deal out of his birthday to make him feel special since most people merged his birthday gifts with his holiday gifts. I used to go all out, too, with decorations, gifts, and a special meal. Really show your partner that they are one-of-a-kind in your eyes!

16. Always have their back

Whether it’s a work ordeal or a family dispute, it’s important that you show your partner that you have his or her back. You want them to know that they can rely on you no matter what. Think about how you would feel if the roles were reversed and treat him or her in the manner that you would want to be treated. Don’t be the Devil’s advocate here.

17. Surprise them with a picnic lunch at work

This is a great idea for showing your partner that you think about them during the day and think they are very special. By doing stuff like this, you are demonstrating to your partner that you really value them as a person and want them to know it.

18. Give them TLC when they are sick or upset over something

give them tlc when they are sick or upset over something

This one is critical. You may have to play nurse, but do they not deserve it? If they are sick or having a spell of depression, make sure you are there to take good care of them. You want them to know they can always count on you for anything. This is very important, especially if they have been there for you in the past.

19. Say you love them before leaving each other each day

Unfortunately, we never know when we will see our loved ones again. Accidents happen, and you never know what fate has in store for your partner. Because of this, make sure you kiss them goodbye every time you part ways. Also, say, “I love you” often!

20. Compliment the little things about their appearance or attitude

If you notice a change in your partner, make sure you point it out and let them know the improvement you have seen so that they will know that you are observant and care about the improvements made on their part. 

21. Do things you hate because it makes them happy

If you want to show an effort in a relationship, you should aim for your partner’s happiness. That may mean that you are not always happy. If you hate paintball, but your partner loves it, make the sacrifice and show them you are willing to do whatever it takes to keep them happy. You will be valued as a lifelong partner that way.

22. Show more affection

Freely give hugs and kisses! This is an easy way to show additional effort in a relationship. Just always let them know that you find them attractive and want to touch them because you love them.

23. Encourage them always

Build them up with everything you do. Make sure that you support them in their decisions and say things that make them feel good about themselves. 

24. Resolve issues together - as a team

Remember that one person is not the boss in the relationship. Instead, you are a team! Work together to brainstorm through issues you face!

25. Be thoughtful and considerate

be thoughtful and considerate

Make sure you treat your partner with respect. Show them how much you care through the little special things you do. Make them a cup of coffee because you know they want it, not because it is something you are required to do. 

26. Apologize freely

Don’t hold grudges or bring up old issues that have been resolved. Make sure you can forgive easily and forget problems once they are solved. This will help you both in the long run. It can actually help your stress level and health, in general, to offer forgiveness freely! Just don’t hold on to things that have already been resolved.

There’s no need to do that, as it will just make you both miserable and completely unhappy. Instead, be open to saying sorry and admitting when you are in the wrong. Be an open and honest partner - someone that another person longs to be with!

27. Confide in your partner and share your secrets

Let your mate know that you value them and know you can share your deepest, darkest secrets with them. Also, be trustworthy so that they feel free to do the same with you. This will help you grow as a couple and give you a best friend to confide in! What a great bonus to showing effort in a relationship!


What is an effort in a relationship?

An effort is putting energy, time, and yourself into your relationship as a means to improve things. It means that you are trying to prevent a breakup; you want to make things work; you are willing to give your best behavior to ensure success in your relationship!

Why is effort important in a relationship?

If you give enough effort to your relationship, you will see positive results. It’s important to give your all when you are in a relationship because you want it to last. You don’t want to break up or have the relationship turn sour because not enough effort was given!

How do you show effort?

One way you can show effort is by putting your partner first in the relationship. Consider what his or her needs are before making any decisions. If he or she enjoys long walks in the park, but you hate the outdoors, make a sacrifice and go for a walk in the park.

What does it mean when you make all the effort in a relationship?

If you spend time making all of the efforts in the relationship, things are not balanced properly. You might be interested to know that the clearest sign that someone is not the right person for you is how much effort they put into the relationship. If they aren’t willing to do the work, move on!

How do you know if a guy is making an effort?

If a guy is making an effort in a relationship, you will feel loved and valued. You will know that he thinks highly of you; you’ll even enjoy being in a relationship with him, and the last thing on your mind is the fact that the two of you might break up soon! You’re madly in love with him!


Are you putting a lot of effort into a relationship? Do you feel that things are one-sided? Have you talked to your partner about your problems? We’d love to hear your ideas and opinions on the subject. Please share this article on social media and leave an insightful comment!

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