Contrary to popular belief that ejaculation difficulties are rare in men, most sex therapists and health experts have revealed that they’re common. The inability to orgasm, also known as anorgasmia in medical terms, is one of such complications.
Most experts have discovered the link between this condition and some mental and psychological issues in men, and a few come with physical health challenges. Though there are some known and available findings on this topic, there’s still a lot of ignorance on what causes ejaculatory delay in men.
It’s more common to hear women complain of not reaching climax during and after intercourse. Still, because most couples consider the man’s orgasm to mean the conclusion of a sexual session, it could be more of a problem. Sadly, when this happens, the first thing most women do is beat themselves up about it.
They then begin to question their husbands’ attraction towards them or feel insecure about their bodies. As a woman myself, I understand how things like this could affect your self-confidence and esteem as a wife. Has sex with your partner become a concern? Do you feel guilty when you orgasm, but only when there’s no penetration?
There’s no shame in admitting the truth. Yes, there’s still the stigma that comes with having such problem in your sex life, but it doesn’t help to ignore it either.
If there’s one thing you should know is, the underwhelming sex with your partner could either be a biological or physical problem. No one wants to stay in the dark forever, so here are 7 possible reasons he can’t come anymore.
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Let’s be honest with ourselves; this is a possibility. Men are visual creatures, and sex is as mental and psychological as it is physical. So, sometimes, the reason he can’t ejaculate may just turn out to be a hairstyle you have on, which reminds him of his mom, a new attitude, or a new habit you picked up (which may be agitating him).
Perhaps, you haven’t been paying attention to your hygiene lately because of stress from the kids or work. Whatever the case may be, you need to look at the ‘woman in the mirror’ first before you rule out this significant factor. If you have let yourself go, you probably should pick yourself back up. Trust me this is the most straightforward issue to solve on this list.
Another physically related reason could be that you two may be growing apart sexually. Yes, this happens. You may start out being sexually compatible with a person, and after some time, sex with your partner starts to feel like a chore.
A clear example of this is when a man develops a sexual appetite for a particular activity like BDSM, and can’t share it with his wife out of shame. All these are easily solvable issues because they can be changed or adjusted.
Make sure you have an honest and open conversation with your husband and find out what’s going on in his mind; this will give you some insight on where to begin solving the problem.
Let’s all be honest; when you’re stressed, the last thing on your mind is sex. Yes, sometimes sex can serve as a stress reliever, but it’s so hard getting in the mood or staying in the mood when you’re tired and overwhelmed. Yes, you have this ongoing and essential aspect of your life; your marriage, but life doesn’t pause and give you a break just because you’re married.
You still have to face and live with the same challenges everyone else deals with while managing a healthy relationship. Suppose you realize that the problem does not stem from anything physical. In that case, you probably should find out if your man is facing any difficulties in other aspects of his life; for example, his workplace, social life, finances, etc.
Another thing that could be causing mental stress could be a strain on his confidence or even performance anxiety. A good number of adults, including men, struggle to maintain their self-confidence. There are so many things that could trigger his loss of self-confidence and further lead to him doubting his sexual performance.
If a man struggles with confidence in other areas of his life, he’s not going to feel confident in the bedroom. So, once you find the source of his stress or pressure, you’d probably be able to remedy the situation.
So we’ve finally reached the ever so pondered health aspect of male anorgasmia; the complications that keep a man from performing, or reaching an orgasm. Yes, it’s not the only source of the problem, but sometimes, it is the case. Healthy men hardly ever struggle with their sex drive; a man’s health can seriously affect their ability to ‘perform’ in the bedroom.
Health-related challenges associated with anorgasmia may include; mental health conditions such as performance anxiety, depression, eating and addictive disorders, body image problems, awareness of religious and cultural taboos, and much more. Some physical health defects could also be responsible for your partner’s sexual dysfunction.
These may include; injuries to pelvic nerves that control their orgasms, urinary tract infections, STDs, and other types of disorders connected with the male reproductive system. In addition to this, other conditions could be responsible for your partner’s dysfunction. These include negative results of prostate surgery, diseases such as diabetes, stroke, or damage to the spinal cord.
Also, hormonal challenges related to stress or rapid weight changes, retrograde ejaculation (when the sperm goes back to the bladder instead of being released during ejaculation), and much could affect sex with your partner. In any of these cases, both you and your partner would have to go for sex therapy or see a doctor. Fortunately, there are many known remedies for these conditions.
Since sex is as psychological as it is physical, a strain in your relationship could cause some real friction in your partner’s bedroom performance. If there are specific issues that you and your spouse are yet to work through, you may want to revisit these issues and search for possible solutions.
Sometimes, there may even be a few hidden and underlying challenges that he may not be able to share with you, maybe because he’s afraid of your reaction. In this case, things could be a bit more challenging to handle since you may not even know that he has a problem. You’d have your work cut out for you if you’re in this situation.
Getting an orgasm is important for both of you, but when one partner has certain issues or grudges, it may be hard for them to come.
Some telltale signs that something is wrong may include; frequent arguments, issues with cheating, trust issues, and more. Sometimes, the case may be that both of you have drifted apart as a couple and perhaps just need to work on getting to know each other afresh. This is arguably one of the most challenging sources of this problem to sort out, but the good news is that it's solvable.
I can argue that 70% of a man’s personality and self-confidence make up his ego. A lot of times, there may be something else eating up at his confidence. Maybe he’s feeling a bit intimidated, perhaps at work or in his social life.
Sometimes, a change in his body image may affect a lot; if your man has lost or gained some weight or somehow there is a change in how he sees himself, this may affect his ability to come.
In case he has encountered something or someone new who may be saying or doing things (which could be affecting his confidence negatively), then you may need to sit him down and have a serious pep-talk with him.
When women deal with insecurities, it's hard, but it's easier for them to admit them and talk about them. However, it's much more difficult with the men. If he can’t open up to you for any reason, you could use the help of a therapist or an expert.
Substances like alcohol and drugs could affect a man’s ability to reach an orgasm. If your husband is into heavy drinking or has recently started using recreational drugs, this may just be the source of the problem. A large section of the male population are drinkers or use one form of medication or the other.
Sometimes, this may not affect anything, especially when taken in moderate amounts; however, when these substances are taken in excess, it can be a real problem, especially in their sex life.
Multiple studies have proven that people (both men and women) who frequently use such substances have a higher number of sex-related dysfunctions, even though this particular possibility isn’t very widely studied. Substance abuse is a major factor and could just be the answer to your husband’s inability to come.
Even excessive smoking could cause delayed ejaculation, it has been reported that nicotine has vasoconstrictor effects, meaning that they can squeeze blood vessels, further blocking fluid such as sperm from passing through freely. So how can he get an orgasm when his sperm isn’t flowing freely?
If you can, persuade him to drop the bottles and stop hitting those blunts so you can both embrace a healthy sex life.
Certain types of medication can cause problems with a guy’s libido and stop him from achieving an orgasm. Some drugs or treatments have side effects that can cause sexual dysfunction. Some of these include antidepressants, opioids, anticonvulsants, high blood pressure medications, medications for high cholesterol, or antipsychotics.
Surprisingly, this is a common cause of anorgasmia, and not many people know this; that is why it could come as a shock to many couples. Many veterans on medication for PTSD and patients who have ADHD often have this same problem.
If your husband never had orgasm issues before starting this new medication, it would be wise to check the listed side effects or speak with a doctor about it. However, it’s important to note that stopping his medication just because of your bedroom challenges may not be the wisest decision especially if he’s in serious need.
A drastic change in diet could also be a factor for the delayed orgasm; if your husband’s doctor has asked him to change his diet all of a sudden, this could be contributing to the problem. Another possibility may be the illness itself, so it's wise to talk to a doctor about this so you can track down what is specifically causing this orgasm issue.
There’s still a lot of theories based on speculation on the internet about not being able to orgasm. Most people don’t know what causes anorgasmia. It could be anything ranging from stress and illness to depression or a change in his medication. These challenges come as a shock most times because men hardly talk about it.
He may be suffering from some mental or physical illnesses unknown to you, or perhaps he needs to cut down on his alcohol intake or quit smoking. Sometimes, delayed ejaculations may not be seen as a problem (unless it persists) still, it may become a severe problem if not remedied on time.
You’d need to talk to him and find out what suddenly changed; it's possible he could be seeing someone else, or perhaps he just realized that he’s attracted to other men. Perhaps, he may just not want sex at all; you may not mainly be the problem.
The solution may be relatively straightforward, depending on the cause of the dysfunction. If you’re a smoker or a heavy drinker, you should consider quitting. Suppose you’ve gained excessive weight try losing some weight through a healthy diet and exercise, not through starvation. If you’re having any challenges in your relationship, work on solving that as well.
Men can get weak or lose their sex drive for many reasons; stress, fatigue, certain illnesses, certain medications, or even hormonal imbalance. Psychological and mental health problems could also play a significant role; if he has ADHD or is battling with PTSD, he may not be as vital in bed as he used to be.
I hope you found this article helpful; remember, a man’s libido can be affected by several things, don’t be in a hurry to blame yourself, there are many other factors that could affect his sexual health. I’d love to hear your take on this topic in the comment section, and please share this article with friends.