When we break up with a person, it can be very hard for us to get on with our lives. Sometimes we move on more easily than at other times, and sometimes our exes move on more quickly than us. There are occasions that exes move on by dating a friend of yours which can be particularly tough.
Here, in this article, we look at how to deal with when your ex starts to date a friend of yours. We suggest ways to cope emotionally if your best friend is dating someone you used to go out with, especially if you think this is something you would never do.
It can be really beneficial if you talk it through with each other about what you feel like when you see your friend and your ex together. Those feelings are probably more acute if your best friend is the one seeing your ex, which makes it even more important to talk through your feelings for the sake of your friendship.
You need to highlight to them what you find difficult and why with the intention of finding proactive ways to cope with them so you can all get along. Sadly, you may find during this conversation that you and your best friend may have to cool things off in your friendship, but you won’t know for sure until you talk it through.
Our usual reaction when we see an ex with another person is to get all nostalgic and look back on the relationship with rose-tinted glasses. This makes us hanker after past times together so much that we wonder if we want to get back together with them.
If your friend starts to date your ex, particularly if it is your best friend, this can be very hard to deal with as you will naturally see them a lot more. To get over that feeling of nostalgia, therefore, it can be very helpful to focus on why you both broke up in the first place. It helps deal with those feelings of lust and regret.
One reason that it is hard to see our friend or best friend date an ex is that we feel that we have to remain friendly towards them when in reality we are probably dealing with some pretty difficult issues.
Bearing that in mind, it can be useful to focus on yourself until you are in such a mental position that you can happily see your friend and your ex together. No one will put your feelings first if you don’t, so remember that to feel like you are ok with their fledgling relationship, you may have to take a little time out of your friendship first.
If you start to have a dynamic where you all see a lot of each other, it can be good to remember not to bring up the past. It can have an extremely ostracising effect on your friend. In fact, this can be to such a degree that it makes life extremely awkward for everyone involved.
So, even if your intentions are not malicious in any way, it is best to steer well clear of talking about anecdotes of you and your ex together. It will make your friend feel uneasy, your ex feels awkward at being reminded that he dated you both, and you may appear as if you are the jealous ex bringing up a story that reminds everyone of what you both once had.
There will be occasions and dynamics that simply mean that your relationship with your best friend will break down if they start to date an ex of yours. While this is sad, it is also extremely common.
Bearing that in mind, remember to invest in other friendships so that you do not spend time missing your best friend and their company as acutely as you would have done otherwise. It will be tough for you both, but for the sake of self-preservation, it is also necessary at times.
Hopefully, enough time will pass that soon enough you can start to see each other normally as you once did and your usual dynamic will return. Do not dismiss how difficult it is to get to that point sometimes and do not be hard on yourself when you do, inevitably, find it difficult. Any relationship is hard, even those with a person who has been your best friend for years.
It really depends on the circumstances if it’s ok to date an ex of a good friend. If your friend and their ex ended on good terms or simply because they grew apart, your friend may be ok with it. However, even under the best of circumstances, your friend may find it quite hard. Talk to them first to see how they feel.
If you are not ok with your friend dating your ex, it is a good idea to talk to them about how you are feeling and why. Also, it can be a good idea to give the situation time so that you get used to someone else dating your ex-boyfriend, which is always tough - particularly if you have had a serious relationship.
Depending on how serious the relationship was, or how strong your friend’s feelings were for their ex, can have a big bearing on whether it is ok to date your friend’s ex. If you are not sure, it can be a good idea to broach the subject with them tactfully and diplomatically to see how they feel.
It is not a hard and fast rule that friends' exes are off-limits, but it is beneficial to realize that dating a friend’s ex may be difficult at times. This can be particularly the case if your friend has a strict moral girl code or has been in a serious relationship with their ex in the past.
It is ok to talk to an ex while you are in a relationship with someone else as long as you are only talking for friendship. Any other reason outside of friendship, specifically if you still have feelings for one another and are still hopeful that you get back together, is dishonest and a time when you should talk to your partner.
Make no mistake, seeing a friend with your ex will be a tough emotional journey. Sometimes, it will be so tough that you will have to walk away from the friendship as you may feel that it violates some sort of girl code.
Sometimes, however, if you tackle the issues head-on, you may find that you are ok with seeing your ex and your friend together. Whichever does happen for you, remember that your reactions are valid and your feelings should always be taken into account.
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