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Do Narcissists Enjoy Kissing? (17 Facts About Kissing Them)

by Sonya Schwartz

As far as personality disorders go, a narcissistic personality disorder is as bad as it gets (OK, not really, but it is horrible). You see, the typical narcissist is as controlling as they get and never really makes a genuine connection with the next person. They are equally selfish, are incapable of intimacy, and have a blatant lack of empathy that makes relationships with them uncomfortable at their very best.

One paragraph cannot really embody what a narcissist is all about, but with the picture painted above, it’s easy to see how people would be curious about narcissists and actions that involve intimacy and emotions. Do narcissists enjoy kissing? Do they feel anything when they lock lips and if they do, does it mean anything?

Well, that is what I am here to dissect, so without further ado, let us answer the question, ‘do narcissists enjoy kissing?’

17 Facts About Kissing A Narcissist

1. They aim to foster a shallow connection

Yes, the typical narcissist tries to keep their relationships loose and shallow. As a result, they may kiss, but it will never truly show any passion or look for ways to make it meaningful. As such, any kissing that may take place will be shallow but intense enough to make the other person feel wanted and desired. 

With that in mind, one thing is evident, narcissists use signs of affection like kissing as a means to an end. It is always a power play when it comes to the typical narcissist; they use acts like kissing to get what they want out of a relationship.

2. They use it to get what they want in a relationship

they use it to get what they want in a relationship

A typical person goes into a relationship for companionship, love, and loyalty. On the other hand, a narcissist approaches relationships with the aim to constantly replenish their narcissistic supply. So, sometimes a narcissist kisses just to stroke their ego or inflate their sense of self-importance. 

The only way to do that is to narrow down on someone with shaky self-esteem and show them some sort of attention, e.g kissing. You see kissing is something you do with someone you care about and when feelings are involved people are more inclined to bend over backward for each other. That is the exact reaction a narcissist is after.

3. It could be an achievement

One of the main reasons a narcissist enjoys kissing is to fill his need to replenish his narcissistic supply. Once a narcissist is in the mood to replenish that supply, then he tries extra hard to get what he wants. If kissing is the way forward, then that is the one time he may put some passion into it.

In other words, a narcissist will view kissing as his achievement in the relationship and work really hard to get it as long as the act, in turn, strokes their ego. It is all give and take when it comes to most relationships, but with narcissists, they do all the taking while you do the giving.

4. It is all about timing with a narcissist

If you find yourself in the unique position of wanting to kiss a narcissist, then timing is everything. Just like everyone else, narcissists have a range of emotions that they feel and mood swings to accompany that. When the going is great, they will feel great and be more open to all the ways you want to show signs of affection. 

Nevertheless, if they are in a bad mood then is safe to say that anything from kissing to sex is completely off the table. Even more than the typical person, narcissists get obsessed over their wants and needs. It can get pretty intense when they do not have their way, so, for the love of all you hold dear, wait for the right time.

5. They are quite affectionate in the beginning

When things are still new and fresh, a typical narcissist will be all over you. So, the moment you start dating, kissing, hugging, and having sex will be as frequent as possible. But not for the usual reason which is that you cannot keep your arms off each other. To a narcissist, the notion of a relationship always starts off as a conquest, they are never really in it for the love or lack thereof.

Getting to the point of kissing you is sort of an achievement for them and once the thrill of the chase wears off, a lack of interest takes its place. 

6. They do not like to lose control

A narcissist will not even try kissing if it means that they will lose the edge in the process. Like I said earlier, love is never the motivation for them, it is mostly controlled. Narcissists have to be in charge all the time and if they lose that, it drives them crazy. So, if kissing you or anyone else entails giving up some sort of control, they won’t go there.

It is not only “control over themselves” that they seek to maintain, but they love controlling others and their environment too. So, if kissing affects this ‘balance’ in any way, then they won’t do it.

7. They won’t kiss if they are not getting anything out of it

Narcissists will not do anything if they are not going to get something out of it. So, if kissing a person is not part of a larger plan or scheme, then it will not happen at all. Any signs of affection will definitely end in them getting something besides physical pleasure out of it. Whatever falls outside this category is practically useless to them.

Here is a side note, once you do give narcissists what they want, then their mission is over and you have fulfilled your purpose. So, if you can help it, do not give in unless you have a clear-cut plan of how to keep them interested.

8. You have to make it seem like the kiss is their idea

you have to make it seem like the kiss is their idea

Let’s say in some special universe, you want to kiss a narcissistic person, well if you come on too strong and make it seem like you are ordering them about, it will never happen. Narcissists hate being told what to do and they hate not being in the driver’s seat. It bruises their ego and drives them crazy when they do not have the upper hand.

Pursuing a physical relationship with narcissists should never be initiated by you and if you do initiate it, then you have to make it look like they did all the heavy lifting. 

9. Once their partner is hooked, kissing may be off the table

As I mentioned earlier, narcissists do not do anything that does not benefit them in the end. So, it will probably be a kissing fest till they know that they have you completely taken by their charm. They will purposely withhold all forms of affection, especially when you are alone. Once you are out in the open together, it is very important that they maintain the charade.

So, expect lots of kisses and other forms of affection when you are in the company of family and friends. It is one of the ways he keeps tabs on everything that is happening within your relationship.

10. They cannot show their true selves

Say what you will, but kissing is as intimate as it gets. Remember in the movie Pretty Woman, when Vivian, the character played by Julia Roberts told Edward (Richard Gere) that she would do anything but kiss him on the lips. Well, that is ample proof that there is something deep about the act of kissing.

Since, there is really no hiding when kissing someone, as such, it is quite hard for them to truly enjoy the exchange. With this in mind, you could conclude that they do not enjoy kissing as much as the next person.

11. They think they are above others

Would you exchange spit with a cow or a pig? Probably not, and the reason is that you are cleaner than them and ultimately above them. Unfortunately, this is the same way narcissists feel about anyone that is not them. Some of them take this approach to kiss and as such do not enjoy the thought of kissing as much as the next person does.

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I am not saying they are disgusted by the thought, but they definitely do not find it pleasurable in the same way you do. What brings them stimulation is what they stand to gain from kissing someone else.

12. Feelings are inadmissible

Narcissists never like to admit that they are feeling anything. No one but them really knows what is going on in their heads in terms of emotions. The thing about kissing is that it often comes with a lot of feelings that need to be admitted at some point. Since this is part and parcel of kissing, for the most part, narcissists are not too keen on it at all.

Admitting that they feel anything is not part of the deal and so, kissing may not be something they enjoy as well.

13. Their lack of sympathy and empathy makes it hard to enjoy kissing

There is a part of kissing that involves seeing the other person as attractive, worthy, and somewhat of an equal. Narcissists do not know how to do that since they cannot relate to people at all. Like I mentioned earlier, they believe that no one is as great as they are and as such cannot even begin to relate to them.

Normally, when kissing someone, even if it is just part of a fling, there are some feelings aroused. You are both in sync and can ‘feel’ each other in the process. With this in mind, narcissists are highly unlikely to get anything out of kissing.

14. They do not believe in the concept of relationship security

they do not believe in the concept of relationship security

With narcissists, getting into a relationship involves a totally different train of thought. You probably got into your relationship because you met a great man and you are ready to explore what you feel together. For narcissists, the endgame is always to feed their egos and then move on to the next challenge. 

The act of kissing in a relationship is one of trust and commitment, it is a guarantee that both partners are in it for as long as they can hold on. Since a narcissist is not part of this school of thought, kissing probably does not rock their boat.

15. They love to keep up the show

Narcissists have the need to control the narrative, regardless of where the audience is. Their friends, family, and the general public only get to see what they let them see. As such, they may swap spit a lot in public, just to weave a certain narrative.

16. Sometimes they use kissing for manipulation

Wielding power over another person is practically a fantasy for narcissists. So, they will often use it as a way to manipulate someone to continually keep that narcissistic supply coming.

17. Sometimes they avoid kissing altogether

There are plenty of reasons why people do not like kissing. They may be asexual, scared of commitment, or simply grossed out. But with a narcissist, it should now be evident that they are simply not keen on what it stands for. With that in mind, they may adopt a ‘let’s get it over with attitude,’ or simply avoid it as much as they can.

FAQs

Do narcissists kiss their partners?

The answer is a big, fat ‘yes’, a narcissist will kiss their partner but it is seldom for the right reasons. You see, the last thing on a narcissist’s mind is to express love in a relationship. Their personality type dictates that they see every action as a means to an end. So, yes they will kiss their partner, but it is all about manipulation with them.

Do narcissists like to be touched?

There is no definite answer for that, it honestly depends on personal preferences. While one narcissistic guy or woman may like to embrace intimacy another may shun it. But, in the case that they do shun it, they also make it a point of duty to make it look like their partner is the one with the aversion to touch. It is all about manipulation with them.

What do narcissists want sexually?

With a narcissist, physical intimacy is all about control. Yesiree, you should never expect to control narcissists with sex or kissing. They are often very specific about their urges and what they want their lovers to do during sex. Nevertheless, they may end up bombing their lovers with affection only to pull back once they are hooked.

Do narcissists enjoy hurting others?

Since the reality is that they are incapable of empathizing with others, they are either indifferent to people’s feelings or are actively involved in bruising their emotions. Some of them join the dating pool just to hurt other people’s feelings and degrade them thoroughly. But note that sometimes they are totally oblivious to the feelings they trigger.

Can a narcissist love you?

The mere concept of narcissism dictates that a true narcissist is incapable of love. They mostly act in order to wield some sort of control in all their relationships. As such, love is a bit far-fetched when it comes to the typical narcissist. It may seem like love at the beginning but such feelings are off the table.

Summary

So, what do you think, do narcissists enjoy kissing? By now it should be evident that the issue is quite layered. Since they do not outrightly show affection without a means to an end, narcissists are a tough book to read. 

I hope that this article has given you some insight into the topic of whether they enjoy kissing. Even more, I would love to hear your take on the issue, drop a comment in the box below. Don’t stop there, share this with someone who could benefit.

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Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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