Is your boyfriend accusing you of cheating on him?
Does it hurt you that he doesn't trust you and constantly says you're lying?
You're not the first person to experience this, and I'm going to explain one simple reason why he may be doing this.
Let me start with a quick quote which sums it up nicely...
"We project onto others what we are feeling ourselves".
Ever heard of this quote?
In order words, are you sure he isn't accusing you of cheating and lying because he's actually the one that has been cheating and lying to you?
We tend to project onto others what we are doing ourselves.
By accusing you of cheating and lying, it's possible he's diverting your attention away from what he has been up to.
It's extremely important that you rule this out first before you start finding other reasons.
Although it's never easy to prove, one tool that can give you some insight is this tool here (click to go to the site).
You just enter his name and where he lives and it pulls up a ton of information on him that will give you an indication as to whether he's been cheating or not.
It will give you a list of all dating sites he's one, what he's been up to online, who he has been talking to.
Many wives and girlfriends have found out that their partners were cheating using this site.
Of course, it's not what you hope.
However, it's important to rule this out because it makes trying to fix this situation rather pointless if he is actually the one doing the cheating.
Once you have ruled that out, let me get into some other possibilities below.
The major reason that your boyfriend may be accusing you of lying and cheating is that he doesn’t trust you.
If you think he doesn’t trust you, don’t automatically blame yourself. Lots of factors can go into the trust someone has for you so this may not be your fault.
For one, he might have been in bad relationships in the past. If one of his old girlfriends cheated on him, he’s naturally going to continue to be on guard. If you do something small and harmless that his ex-girlfriend did, he might associate it with her and question you anyway.
He also could have trust issues in relationships in general. If he grew up with a challenging home life, perhaps his family broke his trust. Again, this may have nothing to do with you.
Of course, there is the possibility that your boyfriend has evidence for why he doesn’t trust you. If you have cheated on him in the past or lied about something, he will have trouble trusting you again.
These accusations really come down to a lack of trust and past experiences.
You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You
It’s important to try to figure out why your boyfriend may be accusing you. Try to find some possibilities as to why he thinks you’re lying to him or cheating.
For example, do you hide your phone or text messages from him? Do you have a passcode on your phone? Do you forget to tell him where you’re going or who you’re hanging out with?
I’m not saying he needs to have access to all of your personal information and know where you are at all times. If you are intentionally hiding things, whether it’s another guy or not, it can be concerning to your boyfriend.
If you hang out with a lot of guys or text guys frequently, there’s a chance that this is why your boyfriend is worried.
Try to think about the everyday things that you do that may seem dishonest or unfaithful, no matter how harmless they may be.
If you have cheated on your boyfriend, it’s important to be upfront and honest with him. Let him know what happened.
If he already knows about the situation, that is likely a big part of the reason he doesn’t trust you. This is unfortunate, but it definitely happens. It’s best not to dwell on the mistakes but just to learn from them.
In order to earn his trust back, you should make sure that you’re being as open and honest as possible. Let him know where you’re going or what you’re doing.
It’s extremely beneficial to prove to your boyfriend that this won’t be happening again. He may not trust your words alone, but it’s a good starting point.
You can also handle this situation by talking to your boyfriend about what he expects you to do. Don’t let him push you around and call it making up for the mistake. Just be aware of what he thinks should happen next and work with him to make the necessary changes.
You might want to talk to him about working together to strengthen the relationship. When you work together, you should be able to get much further and make great improvements in your relationship’s structure.
In a relationship without trust, it’s important to be working toward establishing trust. This will improve the relationship for everyone involved.
First, you should make sure that you’re being open and honest with your boyfriend. Let him know what’s going on or who you are friends with. Note that the same applies to him, so don’t let him get away easily.
This also includes your feelings. Talking to your boyfriend about your feelings helps him to know that you can be real and honest with him. Plus, this is a good way to communicate whether you feel trusted or not.
Next, you should find little ways to prove that you’re trustworthy. This might be as simple as keeping a promise that you made or following through with something you said you would do.
You should also prioritize your relationship. Make sure that you have enough time to talk to your boyfriend and spend time with him. If you show him that he’s a top priority, he may be less worried about the other guys in your life.
This video talks about trust and relationships:
At some point, you will likely find that it’s necessary to talk to your boyfriend about these trust issues. This is a good idea, but you need to make sure that you do it correctly. You don’t want to make him angry and worsen the situation.
You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You
Practice using I-messages, which is where you focus on saying “I” instead of “you”. This video outlines the basics of I-messages:
If you go into the conversation blaming your boyfriend, he will naturally be defensive and may be harder to work with.
If you stay neutral, he may follow your lead. This will make it easier for you to talk with him and work out your difficulties.
It’s good to have some evidence prepared about why you don’t think he trusts you, but you don’t want to sound like you’re blaming him too much. You probably wouldn’t be happy if someone provided you with a list of 10 reasons that they don’t feel trusted.
Be as honest as possible as you have this conversation. Let him know how this makes you feel and how it’s damaging the relationship. Make sure he knows you’re on his side and ready to help.
It’s important to stay calm while you talk to your boyfriend about these trust issues. Yelling or screaming just makes it harder to communicate what you’re feeling.
If you relax, you will be able to better articulate what you’re wanting to say. This will help with any potential confusion or additional drama as well.
The minute you start raising your voice, the discussion will seem more like an argument. This might put you and your boyfriend against each other instead of on the same team. You should work together against the problem, not against each other.
Before you say anything, think about how he might receive it. If it sounds like you’re accusing him, he’s going to get defensive. If it sounds like you’re bullying him, he might say something back.
Speak calmly and try to base much of the conversation on how things make you feel. For example, you might say that you feel like you can’t be trusted.
Try to show him that you’re ready and willing to work toward making this relationship work. This will help him to realize that you really do care.
Boundaries are a good way to resolve issues like this. To set boundaries, you should sit down and talk with your boyfriend.
These boundaries might include guidelines for hanging out with or texting other people.
One major difficulty that you might face when setting these boundaries is avoiding sounding like you’re making up a bunch of strict rules.
You should work together to decide what is fair and what is absolutely not okay.
For example, maybe you’re okay with each other talking to other people but not hanging out with them one-on-one.
What you choose for boundaries depends on your own personal preferences and experiences. Make sure that you’re coming up with boundaries together to ensure fairness.
Once you’ve set these boundaries, make sure that you adhere to them to keep the trust. The boundaries may be re-worked over time too.
Some men are insecure on their own. You may have exhausted all trust issue possibilities and realized that he’s just insecure.
If your boyfriend is insecure, he will likely show it by accusing you of lying and cheating. In short, this means that he isn’t confident that you’re actually his. He thinks that you might leave him for another guy.
This video explains what you should do if your boyfriend is insecure:
It’s best to give him a chance, but it’s not always worth the time and energy. You will be constantly trying to make him feel comfortable. You might be going out of your way to show him you care.
If you’re putting in a lot of extra work, you should step back and reevaluate the situation. It’s an issue that he has probably dealt with in many of his relationships.
In the end, it’s his own personal problem to work through. You can help him out, but he needs to be actively working on it as well.
If you have talked to your boyfriend and tried to work out these trust or insecurity issues, it’s time for a bolder move.
You have a few options. To start, ask your friends for help. Try to disclose as little information to them as possible to keep your relationship private. Sharing every bad thing about your relationship isn’t the best idea.
Your friends might have advice from their own personal experiences. Plus, an outsider can be extremely useful!
Another idea is to buy books or an online course on this issue. This might include a step-by-step guide and different strategies to help the two of you out. You can work through it together to resolve the trust and insecurity problems.
Next, you might want to talk to a professional counselor. They will be able to give you advice and helpful resources. A counselor is professionally trained in a specific area, so they should have plenty of experience.
At some point, the relationship may not be worth it. You may find yourself ready to break up with your boyfriend and that’s okay.
If you’re in a committed relationship, the thought of breaking up may be terrifying or completely non-existent. It’s a big deal, especially if you think you’re going to be with this guy forever.
If your boyfriend doesn’t trust you, he will constantly ask where you’re doing, who you’re talking to, and more. This usually leads to girls getting upset and feeling trapped. You might feel like he’s become a strict parent over you.
In your relationship, you shouldn’t feel like you are trapped because of him. You shouldn’t necessarily have the freedoms of a single person, but you shouldn’t be completely tied down.
A lack of trust can be really damaging to a relationship and to the people in the relationship as well.
If you and your boyfriend can’t come to an agreement about these trust issues, it’s likely time to move on. Breakups are definitely hard, but you will have the freedom to talk to who you want to.
If your boyfriend is constantly accusing you of cheating, it’s likely because of some trust issues. With a little bit of work, you should be able to resolve these problems and get your relationship back into great shape.
Leave a comment below if you have any questions!
Since your relationship is unique, the most important thing is that you use a tailored approach to tackle your relationship issues.
A generic approach with advice you read online can often even make things even worse!
The best way to get this advice is through someone with experience that is able to listen to the issues you are facing in your relationship…
That is why I highly recommend the website Relationship Hero that gives you specialized advice for your relationship.
In fact, a few weeks ago I reached out to them when I was going through an extremely difficult patch in my relationship.
I had hit rock bottom, and couldn’t even turn to my friends for advice anymore.
After speaking to Lucy (my relationship coach at Relationship Hero) and telling her of my desperate situation, she was able to give me some concrete steps to follow over the following days.
I was able to check in with her on a daily basis as I implemented her advice, and she helped me through every step.
Not only was she super helpful and empathetic, she eventually helped me solve some of the issues had been plaguing my relationship for years.
I can’t thank them enough.