They say women are mysterious creatures but guys can be just as puzzling. For example, if a guy ignores you does it mean he likes you?
I’m sure we can all remember our childhood days when little Frankie would be horrible to us in the playground. We’d run home sobbing to our parents who would smile sagely and tell us:
“He’s horrible to you because he likes you.”
But it’s a little different when we’re all grown up. Men don’t go around pulling girl’s pigtails or calling them names. Interactions are way more subtle in the adult world we now inhabit. So it’s not surprising that with subtlety comes confusion.
So let’s say you’ve been dating for a couple of weeks or months, and then all of a sudden your date starts to ignore you. What’s it all about? Is he playing mind games or hard to get? Has he just gone off you and now you’re being ghosted?
Generally speaking, guys don’t tend to be a) subtle or b) play games when they are attracted to a woman. So does this mean that if he ignores you the relationship, however brief or long, is over?
Well, not so fast. As I said before, men can be as complicated as women. So it’s not necessarily true to assume that it’s all over when a guy ignores you. So let’s cut to the good stuff. What’s going on when a guy ignores you, does he like you, and, more importantly, what should you do if he ignores you?
Us ladies tend to view men as these big, brave knights in shining armor, riding out of the sunset, saving us from whatever disaster we need rescuing from. Yeah, that’s Mills & Boon talking, not real life. In reality, men can be just as shy, insecure, and indecisive as us ladies.
So why do we assume that men have this inner confidence that propels them into the world, unabashed, unashamed, and full of macho bravado? Because that’s how most guys are raised.
It is the society that informs little Frankie ‘Don’t cry, don’t show emotion, man up, you have to be a man, pull yourself together man.’
Even as babies, the way parents hold, play, and interact with the different genders is geared to toughening up the boys and being delicate with the fragile girls. No wonder we get confused as adults! And it continues throughout life. In a relationship men make the first move, they buy dinner, they open the doors, and they go downstairs in the night when you both hear a creepy noise. Men are taught to be, well, men.
What I’m trying to say is that if a man starts ignoring you, this goes against everything society knows to be true. To ignore someone is a passive action. It requires nothing from the person doing the ignoring.
Men are not renowned for being passive. So this type of situation is unknown territory for us. You need to consider how he was before he ignored you to establish whether he’s just shy or there’s something else going on.
I don’t know about you but I have a pretty dry and dark sense of humor. My friends and family know that if a situation has a modicum of humor in it, no matter how taboo the subject, I’ll crack a joke about it.
From my experience it’s really easy to plow through your day, whip-cracking jokes away, going through the motions, and not realize you’ve seriously wounded someone.
As a result, in your mind, everything’s fine and dandy but they have staggered away in disbelief at your cruel comment/action/non-action. So it might be the case that he likes you a lot, but he needs time to process what you said or what happened before he can start speaking to you again. You might even have an inkling that you’ve upset him, but if not, go through previous texts or conversations and see where you may have tripped up.
It could be that you were innocently flirting and he took it the wrong way. Of that, an offhand remark caught him by surprise and it revealed something about you he didn’t know.
You might have to bite the bullet here. Even though this time he is acting as if he’s not interested, you can always find out what’s wrong so you can make things right. Why not send a text asking him if everything’s’ ok?
Remember I said earlier that some guys can be fragile too? Well, this is especially true if they have been hurt before. Some guys are just too nice for this world and get taken advantage of or remain in the ‘friend’s zone’ forever.
Perhaps he’s not getting the signals back from you that he needs to build his confidence up. Or maybe he’s still hung up over a recent relationship?
Could it be that you remind him of someone that really hurt him in the past and he’s debating whether to continue with the relationship? All of these are possibilities, but how will you know if he’s ignoring you?
Just make out like your own fabulous confident chatty self and try and draw him out from under his protective shell.
Playing hard to get has always been a woman’s game. It is the female of the species that have traditionally acted all coy. Pushing away so-called unwanted sexual attention from lusty males. All in order to appear more attractive and worthy.
So do men do this ‘hard to get thing’ as well? I’m sure you’ve all heard of the saying: ‘Treat ‘em mean to keep ‘em keen.’ Well, this is the male version of playing hard to get.
Some guys think that a certain type of woman is only attracted to bad boys. So they act like one. They ignore your texts, forget to call, disappear for days without contact. This is their way of holding your attention.
But let’s face it, it’s pretty juvenile, right? If two people are compatible and genuinely have feelings for the other person then dating shouldn’t be this difficult. It should flow and change and progress naturally.
If he is ignoring you so that you’ll like him more I say ditch this loser.
Now the opposite of a loser bad boy is the genuine guy who’s scared of coming on too strong and losing you. He might have had a moment of clarity and realized: ‘My God, I love this woman.’
And you know what? Thoughts like that can be scary for blokes. He could realize he’s falling deeply in love with you and has to process what he’s feeling.
Usually, when men have this sort of epiphany, they need time to work out their next move. Don’t forget, men are doers, not talkers. They like to take action, not sit around pondering their navels all day long.
But with something this big, this important, he’ll take time out to make sure that his next move is the right one. Are you that special someone he’s been trying to find all these years? Are you the someone he could make a go of things with? Is this really what he wants in life? These are all big questions.
So we have one situation where a guy doesn’t want to scare you off, but on the other hand, there’s another who’s not sure how he feels at all.
Perhaps he was a player before you came along. He was used to dating, hooking up, and ditching. Now, something special has rolled into town (that’s you obviously), and all of a sudden his future looks different.
Or maybe the opposite is true? He only wanted a casual fling but things seem to be progressing a little too quickly for him. Maybe you invited him to meet your parents and he’s balked at the idea. Just keep things casual and moving along slowly with no pressure until he sorts out what exactly he wants.
I’ve always said it and I’ll say it again, men are simple creatures. When you go back to basics, most guys just want a loving partner, who gives them security and one that’s not too demanding of them.
As a rule, men don’t play mind games. They prefer clear signals rather than subtle hints. So if your latest date is ignoring you it might be because he’s not sure of how you feel towards him.
Have you been vague about meeting up or has your mind been elsewhere recently? Have you said anything that might make him think you’re going off him? Have you been moody at all in his company?
Sure, men are basic but they do pick up on imperceptible clues like body language and tone of voice. So don’t assume everything is fine when it might not be.
Just like some men might not be sure about your feelings towards them, others may think you’re getting a little ahead of the game.
For many guys, the thought of getting married and settling down is way in the future. But for many of us ladies, we have a tendency to think about our future when we’re in a relationship.
It’s therefore altogether possible that you’ve been giving off subliminal messages to your fella. You may not realize it but guys are finely-tuned to pick up on the scent of a desperate woman.
Have you been leaving copies of Weddings and Brides magazines lying around? Did you tell him that you’re friends, family, parents are dying to meet him? Have you asked him what names he’d choose for your children?
Yeah, I know, this is all outrageous stuff and you’ve probably done none of the above. But guys (and girls for that matter) get freaked out at the slightest hint of a relationship that’s moving too fast. Our instinct is to back off.
If this is the case, lay off any talk about future plans and go at his pace.
We all have off days, right? No one is perfectly happy 24/7, 365 days a year. It's impossible. But when our partners have an off day we automatically assume it’s because of something we have done
Well, why should it be? Our boyfriends, partners, or husbands interact with scores of people on a daily basis. So there’s a pretty good chance it is nothing to do with us.
The problem is, we all see the world through our own perspectives. So if we’ve had a great day we assume everyone else has too. If we haven’t been too busy then no one else has been busy either.
We get lost in our own little bubble of experiences and emotions and feelings and don’t even consider other people lead different kinds of lives.
So although it’s hard being ignored, it could just be that your bloke is having a bad day and it still likes you.
Of course, there could be a very simple reason why your bloke has to ignore you and that’s because he’s seeing another woman.
We’ve heard of dating terms such as ghosting, where one party cuts off all communication with the other. This is one reason he could be ignoring your calls or texts.
In this scenario, I’m sure none of you would want your guy back. So what’s the best revenge? Do nothing. Don’t give him the oxygen he requires. Ghost him right back girlfriend!
Stay calm. Look at all the reasons above! There are literally tons of different meanings that could be appropriate in this case. The one thing you don’t want to do is act desperate.
I once dated a guy, who I thought was very confident and sure of himself. We had been dating for a couple of months and communicating via Facebook and texts and phone calls.
Then one weekend I had the worst migraine of my life. I was laid up in bed for 3 days. I couldn’t eat, drink or sleep. By the time I had recovered enough to catch up on some texts and calls I couldn’t believe what he had done.
He texted me on Friday night and of course, me being so ill didn’t reply. Then he kept texting and calling. His messages were becoming increasingly irate. This turned to anger and finally, he announced on Facebook that we were ‘no longer in a relationship’.
I was absolutely gobsmacked. He’d finished with me because I didn’t answer a few texts? Of course, once I’d explained he was full of apologies but I never saw him in the same light again after that weekend.
So, my advice is to be patient, wait a reasonable amount of time, then send a text asking if everything is ok? Then leave it if he doesn’t reply.
We all like to think the world revolves around us and our problems, but guess what? There are other people on the planet and they have their own problems and troubles to deal with too. Hey, who knew right?
I think that as humans we like to be proactive rather than sit back and let things take their natural course. We are masters of our own destinies in this world. We control our own fate, not outside forces.
So it can be really frustrating waiting for someone to bloody text you back! You feel as if you have to DO SOMETHING! But the truth is – you don’t. And I know that’s desperately hard.
But consider that sometimes when we ignore someone, our behavior has nothing to do with the relationship itself. It’s actually quite freeing to think ‘You know what, I’m okay with seeing how this plays out, I don’t have to get involved’.
Remember, none of us can see into another person’s mind and know exactly what they’re thinking. So let’s not assume anything until the person tells us what’s really going on.
Don’t you find that when you are not in a relationship you start doing all the fun things you always wanted to do? Like, spend more quality time with friends and family, and catch up on all those films and TV boxsets you’ve always wanted to do?
Exercising regularly or carrying on with your hobbies? Well, you know exactly what I’m going to say now. Concentrate on yourself and the things you like doing.
Whatever you do, don’t wait around for some guy’s text to ping your phone. I hate those life sayings like ‘Life’s too short’ but really – LIFE’S TOO SHORT!
Get on with your life. After all, what’s the point in wasting time mooning over some guy who will ignore you when you could be out bar-hopping finding the guy that adores you!!
It’s horrible when a guy ignores you, but I hope I’ve shown you that not all scenarios are necessarily bad. Sure, it’s not a good sign to be ignored, but consider the underlying factors:
Only you can know whether this is normal behavior or out of the ordinary. And to be honest, if a guy likes to ignore you at the start of a relationship it doesn’t bode well for the rest of it.
But don’t forget, there’s nothing desperate or wrong with asking the question: ‘Hey, is everything ok or do you need some space?’
If he still doesn’t answer then write him off. You’ve got too much to do without wasting your time on jerks that are so disrespectful.