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How To Stop Hating Your Ex (13 Vital Ways To Move On)

Last updated on June 10, 2022 by Sonya Schwartz

Breaking up is a nasty business, and there are no two ways about that. It is normal to hate your ex after a breakup unless of course, you were the cause of it. Typically, it is normal, but it does not make it right. This is because while some let go of the resentment, others hold on to it like a life support and have trouble letting go.

Anger can be good sometimes because it can be motivating. However, when anger turns to hatred, it can be quite difficult to handle as it goes a long way to destroy the person inside and outside. By inside, I mean the person becomes negative and has a pessimistic outlook on life, then it affects those around him or her and their relationships, which is really sad.

You deserve to be happy, and one way you can do that is to do away with the hatred. So I have provided several tips on how to stop hating your ex.

13 Tips On How To Stop Hating Your Ex

1. Gratitude

The relationship may have ended on a hurtful note but there are a lot of things in life to be very grateful for. This includes the fresh air, family, etc. In order to stop hating your ex, make a conscious decision to be grateful for a lot of things happening around you. 

Take a walk around town and appreciate every single activity and breathe in the fresh air. Somehow, you will get a sense of peace. Where there is peace, hate cannot strive. These two conflict with each other. So, choose to be very grateful.

2. Positivity

When you fill yourself with a lot of negative thoughts, it is not very difficult for that negativity to move from you to your ex. You will now blame him or her for your unhappiness. It makes you stuck on that ex, and hate them more because they are always in your thoughts.

A good idea is to be positive. Fill yourself with positive vibes and energy. Learn to adopt the right mindset in every situation. They say there are two sides to everything; the good and the bad. Likewise, you can either decide to focus on the bad or the good. It is up to you. But do your best to focus on the good. It helps you to personally develop yourself. 

3. Get enough sleep

get enough sleep

Have you realized that the less sleep you have, the grumpier you are? If you already have reasons to dislike your ex, the lack of sleep would take a toll on your efforts to curb the hatred towards your ex. I know it sounds cliché but put your life in order by getting very good sleep. After which, you can keep those negative emotions against your ex in check.

4. Physical fitness

It is common knowledge that exercise has an effect on emotional health. This is because exercising makes you feel more relaxed and triggers the release of hormones called serotonin in your brain. This makes you feel good about yourself. One way to curb the anger you feel toward your ex is to get an exercise routine and stick to it.

As time goes on, you stop thinking about those hurtful relationships and develop a certain indifference about them.

5. Practice forgiveness

It may be hard but it is worth it. Let that anger go. To forgive is to give yourself the permission not to bear the brunt of negative emotions anymore. It allows you to let go of the hurtful feelings and anger you feel toward your ex. Perhaps, you are a lady reading this article, and your ex-husband cheated on you with someone you are very close to, like your best friend.

You have actually never moved on from that. And because of that, you have trust issues and you fear that you may never love again. Or maybe you might never have a good marriage. Your fears are valid and understandable. But when you let these negative emotions dominate your will to be a better person, you will not stop hating your ex.

So, take a chance. Nobody has this life figured out yet, even at old age. Start afresh. Kill that anger by being forgiving and learn to spread love wherever you go.

6. Limit your intake of caffeine

Caffeine, when taken too much, is known to put your emotions in charge. And if you already detest your ex, your hatred is bound to overrun your behavior. It will, therefore, stimulate certain responses you would rather not have— if you have less caffeine in your body system. With this in mind, if you have to see your ex again for whatever purpose, cut down on the caffeine.

Perhaps, it is your turn to take care of the children (as per the divorce arrangements) and you have to get them from your ex’s house. Keeping your cool will help maintain a civil environment enough for your children and even for your ex.

7. Set boundaries

Put appropriate measures in place on how to and when to interact with your ex. This happens a lot if you happened to have kids during your marriage. Setting those boundaries is not enough. You need to also respect those boundaries that you have set.

8. Change your mindset

Holding on to emotions has a way of making you stagnant in life. This is because you are so fixated on the past. You are not ready to let that resentment go. So, it is up to you. You can consider that a divorce is the worst thing that can happen in your life. You will be sad about it your whole life—to the point you don’t want to move on. 

Or, you could decide that the future is filled with endless possibilities. And even if you don’t know what the future is about, there are bound to be a lot of goodies along the way. These two are mindsets you can adopt, and your choice will determine whether you will let go of this anger issue with your ex quickly or not.

9. Take a social media break

Social media can be entertaining and sometimes, be that break you think you need. But there is a high chance that you may run into some of your ex’s posts—some of which may make your blood boil. So, I think taking a break from social media can help to lessen the hurt and angry feelings you may feel toward your ex.

Also, a good social media break will give you a reason to focus on other things or even yourself. It will kill that urge you may get to stalk them on the internet.

10. Be conscious of your emotions

Anger is a strong emotion which births hate. It is so possible to be angry and full of hatred that you may not even realize it—until, perhaps, it is too late and it has affected your life in a significant way. So, be conscious of your emotions. Recognize the negative ones so that you can get the necessary help for them.

By doing that, you can take control of your emotions and channel that energy into positive activities which you love, thereby, spreading happiness.

11. Write it down or talk about it

Maybe you have trouble letting go of that anger, and you have tried. God knows, but you cannot let it go. I would suggest this. Write down why you feel hurt and angry about the divorce. Write it all down, then tear it and throw it away. It seems ordinary but it helps a lot. This is you transferring all the feelings of anger in your heart on that sheet of paper. 

Tearing it symbolizes that you are done with it, and free from the prison of those suppressed feelings. You don’t want to feel those emotions anymore and you are ready to move on. Another option would be to talk about it with someone you trust, or a therapist. That way, you can receive the help needed to manage the hatred you feel toward your ex.

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12. Think of it as a learning experience

think of it as a learning experience

We can choose to see anything and everything that happens in our lives as a learning experience or not. It is your mindset that counts. ‘This or that’ incident caused the end of your marriage. Accept that you have learned from it, and added it to your bag of experience for a later similar event in your future relationships. 

Now, maybe you can advise someone you love with this experience.  

13. Give it time

Maybe you have tried the above tips and you feel like it is not working. My advice to you is to be patient. Allow time to heal the wounds. Do not be in a hurry to get over your ex so much that you forget to heal. Unhealed wounds have a way of getting bigger. So, take your time. It is difficult and painful and I understand, but time they say heals all wounds.

Hate is a wound because it eats at you, and deforms you in places you have no idea of. So, allow time to do its work.


What does it mean if you hate your ex?

If you detest your ex, it means you still think about them. This is because you cannot hate someone you have had no thought about them. 

Why am I still bitter about my ex?

You may be still bitter about your ex because you are still angry about the pain and betrayal they might have made you go through.

Should you tell your ex you hate them?

By telling your ex that you detest them, you are sending them a message that you care and think about them. Don’t let your ex know that you still care about them. Stay away from them if you have to, in order to move on.

Should you tell your ex they hurt you?

Before you end the relationship with your ex, it is advisory that you tell your ex that he or she has hurt you. Once you do that it gives them the chance to explain themselves. But if the relationship has ended long ago, and you never had the chance to tell your ex about how much pain he or she caused you, let the matter go.

How do I stop obsessing over someone I hate?

In order for you to stop obsessing over someone you hate, you need to recognize when you start to think about them. Do your best to forgive him or her. And it will really help if you stay away from the person too.


Before I sign out, these tips are great ways to help you stop hating your ex. You deserve all the best things and this hatred will hold you back. Therefore, by crossing this hurdle, you get to focus and develop yourself better, rather than wasting your time and energy on the past.

I hope you enjoyed this article. Let me know your thoughts in the comments section and please keep sharing.

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Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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