HerNorm is a community-supported website. We may earn a small commission on purchases made through our links. Learn more.

How To Have A Successful Amicable Breakup (9+ Sensible Ways)

by Sonya Schwartz

Let's say you’re in a relationship, and it's been a good one. But the spark is gone. It’s just not working. It’s not that you don’t love them, and you know that the other person still loves you, it’s simply not moving forward. But you don’t want to hurt your soon to be ‘ex’ partner. How do you leave someone that loves you, and has faithfully loved you for such a long time? 

How To Breakup With Someone That Loves You? 

It’s hard to end a relationship. Not only are you ending something familiar and secure, but you’re probably wondering what to do after the breakup. And how exactly do you end the relationship without losing this person completely? How do you stay friends so that you can still enjoy their presence in your life? 

You love them, and they've been such a big part of your life for so long that you probably share important things, and live together. Maybe you guys even have children. It’s a tough thing to do, but it’s possible to have a breakup of this volume, and still be able to be friends with one another by the end of things. 

1. End it as soon as possible

End it as soon as possible

If you're going to end it, one thing that most people do that they shouldn’t is "wait for the right moment". Decide and end it as soon as possible. No one likes to be dragged along for a ride thinking that things are okay, not knowing you intend on breaking things off. 

2. Be 100% honest about why this is happening

Allow your partner to ask questions, and don’t defend yourself or your actions. Just be honest. The last thing someone wants is to end a long term relationship without closure. If you are not in love with them, if you're falling for someone else, it doesn’t matter. You have to be open and honest about everything.

3. Make sure you’re in a private space

Your partner is going to need the freedom to express their pain and ask you questions about why you’re ending the relationship. Everyone deserves closure, and no one deserves to experience their breakups in a public space. 

4. Don’t make your partner be the one to have to leave right after the breakup

It’s not safe to drive while crying hysterically. Or while raging. Make sure that you can be the one to be able to get up and leave so that your ex-partner has time to process things and mourn properly. This is someone you have spent a lot of time with, so don’t linger around watching them grieve. 

If you are going to leave, go ahead and let them mourn and get it over with, but give them space.  Get in your car, and leave them to it. If you are worried bout them, call one of their friends or family, and own up to the situation, and ask them to check on your partner. 

5. Be gentle, but rip off the band-aid too

A common mistake in breakups that people make is leaving things open-ended with a ‘maybe we can work on it?’ Don’t leave things open-ended to try and make things feel better. It is ending for a while. You don’t want someone thinking that things might work when you already know it’s not going to. This is someone you cared about for a long time, they deserve that honesty. 

After A Breakup... What To Do?

There are a few important rules to consider after ending a long-term relationship and you want to keep things amicable between you two. Breakups are tricky, and if you don’t follow strict boundaries, things will turn sour.  

1. Do not have break-up sex, or continue to sleep with them

Nothing confuses breakups more than sex. You do not want to have sex with your ex-partner after you have ended the relationship. This will end up hurting both of you more. This could give your partner that 'one last hope' feeling like maybe you two can work it out after all. 

2. Spend some time apart

Spend some time apart

You can't expect this person who - let us be honest - you just crushed into a million little pieces to be your friend within a few days. It may take a few weeks or every month before that person is going to be able to be comfortable around you. And same for you too - you are the one ending the relationship but breakups are sad for both parties. 

It would not be a healthy friendship if you try to be ‘friends’ sooner than both of you are ready. This is more tricky if you have children with your partner, as you will still need to co-parent and be on the same team for the kids. However, space and time for healing are vital. 

3. Follow strict personal boundaries when you two start talking again

Try to avoid old habits when you two finally do start being around each other again (if you do start being around each other for any reason). No familiar touching, no talking about how it was, reign in all of your old feelings that you had. You have to have a healthy respect for physical and emotional boundaries with your ex, especially because they may still love you. 

4. Give an appropriate amount of time before starting to start dating again

As a sign of respect for the person who spent years with you, give a healthy time before dating again. Three months is the ‘general’ rule. However, each situation is different. You have to take into account how long you guys were together, what kind of life you two had built together. Take a respectful time to get healing in for yourself and for your partner to be able to process, accept, and heal. 

5. Stay off social media with your problems 

No matter what kind of words are exchanged between you and your ex, do not post it up on social media. The key to remaining friends with your ex is to not be vengeful or spiteful. So no matter what the issue is, do not take it up with Facebook or Twitter,  or Instagram. Don’t trash talk them to your family or friends either. 

They are probably hurting, so they will probably experience anger - chances are there is going to be heated words, maybe some yelling. Expect it, and understand that it is normal. Pain is easily displaced as anger, as it’s easier to process. 

FAQs

What is an amicable breakup?

An amicable breakup is a splitting of a relationship between two people who still remain friends because the love they had for one another overrules the anger or pain of the breakup. They value and love each other, however, the relationship just did not work out. 

How do you get over an amicable breakup?

After a healthy amount of time for healing, and healthy communication and closure, an amicable break up can be a great thing. Especially if you two share assets or children and build a life together. It takes time, healing, and closure. 

How long does it take to get over a mutual breakup?

It really depends on how long you two were together, what kind of relationship you and your partner had, and what kind of breakup you experienced with each other. Usually, about three months is the standard time when people truly get over a breakup. 

Do both parties hurt after a breakup?

It’s common to think that the person who dumped you may not be hurting over the breakup. But both parties grieve during the process. Even if they were the ones who initiated ending the relationship, it doesn’t mean that they don’t care about you. Both parties feel emotional pain, after a breakup. 

Do guys hurt after a breakup?

Men process grief differently than women, but they most definitely feel pain after a breakup. Maybe they don’t cry tears, but they certainly do experience the same emotional pain that women feel if you experienced true love together.

 

Are You Still Friends With Any Of Your Exes? - Conclusion

Share with us in the comments how you guys ended up being able to stay friends and make sure you share this article if you enjoyed reading it! Thank you, everyone! 

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

footer logo Copyrighted.com Registered & Protected