Let's say you’re in a relationship, and it's been a good one. But the spark is gone. It’s just not working. It’s not that you don’t love them, and you know that the other person still loves you, it’s simply not moving forward. But you don’t want to hurt your soon to be ‘ex’ partner. How do you leave someone that loves you, and has faithfully loved you for such a long time?
It’s hard to end a relationship. Not only are you ending something familiar and secure, but you’re probably wondering what to do after the breakup. And how exactly do you end the relationship without losing this person completely? How do you stay friends so that you can still enjoy their presence in your life?
You love them, and they've been such a big part of your life for so long that you probably share important things, and live together. Maybe you guys even have children. It’s a tough thing to do, but it’s possible to have a breakup of this volume, and still be able to be friends with one another by the end of things.
If you're going to end it, one thing that most people do that they shouldn’t is "wait for the right moment". Decide and end it as soon as possible. No one likes to be dragged along for a ride thinking that things are okay, not knowing you intend on breaking things off.
Allow your partner to ask questions, and don’t defend yourself or your actions. Just be honest. The last thing someone wants is to end a long term relationship without closure. If you are not in love with them, if you're falling for someone else, it doesn’t matter. You have to be open and honest about everything.
Your partner is going to need the freedom to express their pain and ask you questions about why you’re ending the relationship. Everyone deserves closure, and no one deserves to experience their breakups in a public space.
It’s not safe to drive while crying hysterically. Or while raging. Make sure that you can be the one to be able to get up and leave so that your ex-partner has time to process things and mourn properly. This is someone you have spent a lot of time with, so don’t linger around watching them grieve.
If you are going to leave, go ahead and let them mourn and get it over with, but give them space. Get in your car, and leave them to it. If you are worried bout them, call one of their friends or family, and own up to the situation, and ask them to check on your partner.
A common mistake in breakups that people make is leaving things open-ended with a ‘maybe we can work on it?’ Don’t leave things open-ended to try and make things feel better. It is ending for a while. You don’t want someone thinking that things might work when you already know it’s not going to. This is someone you cared about for a long time, they deserve that honesty.
There are a few important rules to consider after ending a long-term relationship and you want to keep things amicable between you two. Breakups are tricky, and if you don’t follow strict boundaries, things will turn sour.
Nothing confuses breakups more than sex. You do not want to have sex with your ex-partner after you have ended the relationship. This will end up hurting both of you more. This could give your partner that 'one last hope' feeling like maybe you two can work it out after all.
You can't expect this person who - let us be honest - you just crushed into a million little pieces to be your friend within a few days. It may take a few weeks or every month before that person is going to be able to be comfortable around you. And same for you too - you are the one ending the relationship but breakups are sad for both parties.
It would not be a healthy friendship if you try to be ‘friends’ sooner than both of you are ready. This is more tricky if you have children with your partner, as you will still need to co-parent and be on the same team for the kids. However, space and time for healing are vital.
Try to avoid old habits when you two finally do start being around each other again (if you do start being around each other for any reason). No familiar touching, no talking about how it was, reign in all of your old feelings that you had. You have to have a healthy respect for physical and emotional boundaries with your ex, especially because they may still love you.
As a sign of respect for the person who spent years with you, give a healthy time before dating again. Three months is the ‘general’ rule. However, each situation is different. You have to take into account how long you guys were together, what kind of life you two had built together. Take a respectful time to get healing in for yourself and for your partner to be able to process, accept, and heal.
No matter what kind of words are exchanged between you and your ex, do not post it up on social media. The key to remaining friends with your ex is to not be vengeful or spiteful. So no matter what the issue is, do not take it up with Facebook or Twitter, or Instagram. Don’t trash talk them to your family or friends either.
They are probably hurting, so they will probably experience anger - chances are there is going to be heated words, maybe some yelling. Expect it, and understand that it is normal. Pain is easily displaced as anger, as it’s easier to process.
An amicable breakup is a splitting of a relationship between two people who still remain friends because the love they had for one another overrules the anger or pain of the breakup. They value and love each other, however, the relationship just did not work out.
After a healthy amount of time for healing, and healthy communication and closure, an amicable break up can be a great thing. Especially if you two share assets or children and build a life together. It takes time, healing, and closure.
It really depends on how long you two were together, what kind of relationship you and your partner had, and what kind of breakup you experienced with each other. Usually, about three months is the standard time when people truly get over a breakup.
It’s common to think that the person who dumped you may not be hurting over the breakup. But both parties grieve during the process. Even if they were the ones who initiated ending the relationship, it doesn’t mean that they don’t care about you. Both parties feel emotional pain, after a breakup.
Men process grief differently than women, but they most definitely feel pain after a breakup. Maybe they don’t cry tears, but they certainly do experience the same emotional pain that women feel if you experienced true love together.
Share with us in the comments how you guys ended up being able to stay friends and make sure you share this article if you enjoyed reading it! Thank you, everyone!
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