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25 Things You Should Never Tolerate In A Relationship

by Sonya Schwartz

It's no secret that relationships are hard work and compromises need to be made from time to time. However, there are things that should be considered complete dealbreakers. Most times, women fall into the trap of overlooking certain character flaws in their partners, just because they’re scared of being alone or they still have strong feelings for him. 

Unfortunately, women who do this end up in a long, unhappy, and toxic relationship or worse a heart-wrenching breakup that could give them a lifelong emotional scar. I am certain that no woman wants to go through the pain that comes with these two outcomes. 

So if you’ve found yourself in a relationship that makes you feel insignificant, lost, or useless, it’s time to draw a line and create the necessary boundaries. Below are major things you should never tolerate in a relationship. 

25 Things You Should Never Tolerate In A Relationship

1. Physical abuse

Physical abuse

Physical abuse is one of the things that should never be tolerated in a relationship. Studies show that about 20 people are physically abused by a partner per minute in the USA, and approximately 1600 women die per day. Forgiving your partner after he hits you, instead of reporting to the police could cost you your life. 

An act of violence should not occur twice but should be reported immediately. Many people have ignored this, but when your life is at stake, you can’t stand by and watch someone else end it. 

Life has probably gone on for many people who have had a hand in the death of their significant other. Once the court can’t prove they are guilty, they end up walking away free; think about that. 

2. Emotional (verbal) abuse

Emotional abuse is less obvious to recognize compared to physical abuse because it can be masked under a calm voice or disguised as reproval. Emotional abuse can present itself in the form of manipulation or controlling behavior and most times could cause more damage than physical abuse. 

Most people have experienced emotional abuse at least once in their lives and don’t even know it. Emotional abuse makes you doubt yourself so you may feel as if he is doing you a favor by staying with you. But if you stay long enough in such a relationship, it will damage your self-respect.    

3. Guilting you into engaging in sexual intercourse

People are still ignorant of the fact that rape exists even within intimate relationships, statistics show that 1 in 10 women in the US has been raped (at least once) by their spouse. Anyone who loves you would never force or manipulate you into doing anything you don’t feel like doing. 

Spousal rape was sadly not recognized until 1993 and up until now, most cases are not reported. Probably because most people in such relationships feel their partners are well within their rights. However, it’s one of the things you should never tolerate in a relationship, it will take a toll on your self-esteem and make you feel powerless or less valuable.   

So, whether it’s light coercion or manipulation with statements like “if you love me you will…” you should never tolerate that from a boyfriend or spouse.

4. Body shaming

Body shaming is not only cruel and degrading, but it's also childish and based on false ideals. If you have a partner that keeps pointing out your weight, body shape, color, or anything at all about your physical appearance, consider this a major red flag. 

Most times, people who do this are insecure themselves and feel the need to tear down their partner so they would always feel inferior. It's a revolting way of establishing dominance and should never be a part of any healthy relationships. 

Don’t overlook body shaming, it's not a joke! It’s one of the things you should never tolerate in a relationship. You deserve to have someone in your life that appreciates you the way you are.

5. A partner who neglects your sexual needs

All your needs are as important as your partner’s needs. No one should enjoy more privileges or say when it comes to sexual relations. If your partner keeps placing their needs above yours even after you’ve spoken to them about it, then you probably need to walk and never look back. 

For example, if he’s constantly rushing through foreplay or neglecting it altogether because he considers his orgasm more important than yours, it will start making you feel like your sexual needs are secondary. 

6. A partner who does not support your dreams

Being in a relationship with a person who isn’t supportive of your dreams is not only a nightmare but it's a complete waste of time and energy. When you’re in a relationship your spouse shouldn’t only be a lover but also a friend and a support system. 

If your spouse constantly shuts you down when you share your dreams and visions with them, perhaps you’re not with the right person, never tolerate such.

7. A partner who is insecure

You can never go far career-wise and otherwise, with an insecure partner, they will definitely keep pulling you down. Anyone who isn’t happy about your progress should not be part of your life. 

It's okay if he offers you advice or constructive criticism, that just shows he loves you. However, if his insecurity causes him to insult your job, ambition, or even your achievements, then you need to set him straight or walk.

8. A partner who doesn’t acknowledge your relationship in front of people

If you and your spouse have decided to be exclusive as opposed to just hooking up, then you should be able to show it publicly. If he gets angry when you post his photo on your social media or takes you out only in the night to secluded places, then he's probably got something to hide. You're way too valuable to settle for anything but the first place in a spouse's life.

9. A partner who keeps making you feel dumb

A partner who keeps making you feel dumb

This usually happens when you're involved with an overly controlling person. A partner who keeps correcting every mistake and pointing out every wrong decision will make you second guess yourself. They will make you so insecure that you'll feel like you need to consult them before you get anything done. It’s an unnecessary power play and should not be tolerated.

10. A partner who isolates you from your friends

This is one of the most dangerous red lights in a relationship. Any man who tries to separate you from your friends is up to no good. Your friends were probably their way before you met your man and they'd probably still be there when he's gone. So, they're an integral part of your life. 

Don't let him isolate you from people who would be able to point out the toxicity in your relationships.

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11. An accusing partner

Anyone who keeps accusing you of a crime is probably guilty of the said crime. If your man is overly suspicious of you, and perhaps keeps accusing you of cheating then he's probably cheating on you.

If your partner is often uncomfortable around your friends and tries to keep you away from them, have an honest discussion with him; he should tell you what makes him so scared. If it's all based on insecurity, then it's best to address it immediately. Apart from that, never tolerate such sneaky behavior.

12. A partner who silences you

We’ve come a long way as women, fighting to let our voices be heard. If your partner keeps silencing you then you need to address the issue as soon as possible. 

For example, if he interrupts you when you’re talking or neglects your opinions and suggestions then you’ve got to point it out to him immediately! Don’t overlook it and don’t make excuses for him; even if he does so out of habit, it’s one of the things you should never tolerate in a relationship.

13. A partner who does not respect your boundaries

Everyone has boundaries, areas in their lives that they’ve marked ‘out of bounds’. It's not hard to tell when your boundaries are being encroached upon, it's quite uncomfortable. 

If your man keeps talking about their ex, perhaps even comparing you to them, that’s inconsiderate. No one should keep revisiting issues or personal experiences that clearly make the other party uncomfortable, or perhaps keep poking and prodding at issues that are sensitive or offensive even when it is clearly upsetting. 

14. A partner who disregards your experiences

Anyone who would try to convince you that important happenings or your past experiences aren’t valid or important has no place in your life. Whatever unpleasant or notable experience you had in the past is as important as you say it is. 

For instance, if you point out how you feel about the men at work constantly throwing microaggressions your way, your partner should acknowledge your feelings. He should either do something to help, suggest solutions, or comfort you. If he's constantly downplaying issues like these then you should call him out on it immediately.

15. A partner who slut shames you

You should never be with anyone who calls you offensive sexual names or tries to shame you because of your choice of clothing or past sexual partners. Anyone you’re with should love all of you, this does not mean there’s no room for loving advice or constructive criticism. 

If he keeps calling you names like slut, whore, loose, easy, etc then you should probably leave the relationship immediately, there’s no place for slut-shaming in a healthy relationship and you can’t have a healthy relationship with a toxic person.

16. Infidelity

Cheating is not just a breach of trust but also a display of disrespect. If your partner cheats on you, it means he does not have respect for you. It's one thing if your partner cheated once and is remorseful and ready to work through everything with you. 

However, if he’s unrepentant or keeps sneaking around whenever he gets a chance, then it's time to take your valuable self elsewhere. These are things you should never tolerate in a relationship.

17. Dishonesty

It’s very important to be able to trust your partner, there’s no lasting relationship without trust. If for some reason, he’s never honest then you’re slowly going to stop trusting him. Serial lying is just as bad as serial cheating, it should not be tolerated at all. 

If he feels the need to keep lying then it means he has a lot to hide, you don’t want to remain in a relationship with someone you can’t trust. So, don’t disregard it.

18. A partner who’s always in debt

A partner who’s always in debt

Financial stability is very important in today’s world, even on an individual level. No one wants to live with the uncertainty of lack and they certainly do not want anyone who would burden them financially. There’s nothing wrong with helping a partner out or investing in them, but when they take advantage of your generosity and choose to live off you or worse, pile up debt, then this is a major warning sign. 

Financial maturity is just as important as physical or mental maturity, if he keeps piling up debt and never seems to invest his money then you may need to leave and never look back.

19. A stubborn partner

Stubbornness can be cute and even necessary on a few occasions, when you’re stubborn enough not to care what people think about you or too stubborn to let people walk all over you, it's a positive thing. However, if your partner is excessively stubborn and never listens to you no matter what, this probably means he has no regard for you. 

If for example, you’ve spoken to him about a bad habit of his and explained to him why he should stop, yet he deliberately refuses to take your advice, you may need to let him know you won’t tolerate it anymore or start planning your exit from the relationship as soon as possible. 

20. Poor hygiene

This is a very sensitive topic, it can’t go unnoticed. Every adult needs to master the art of cleaning themselves properly because neglecting your hygiene always affects the people around you.  If for some reason, your partner has a hygiene problem, you have to address it immediately. 

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No matter how awkward the conversation may turn out to be, it has to be had. No matter what, poor hygiene is a dealbreaker; you don’t want to remain with a person who has a smell or whose house you hate to visit because you can’t breathe when you’re there. Put an end to your misery and talk to him about it.

21. A partner who makes you compromise your values

There’s nothing as bad as losing yourself to someone, but it's even worse when that person doesn’t lead you down a good path. Values could range from having an extra cheat day to snorting a pile of cocaine, regardless, no-one should make you sacrifice your ideals. 

You were a whole individual person before you met your partner and your experiences formed your values and ideals. So don’t dump that all in one day just because someone said so. 

22. Having a controlling partner

Let’s face it, everyone enjoys a certain level of control, but when you can’t even breathe without a person’s permission it becomes a serious problem. Sure you’re a couple and you have to do certain things to please each other but that's called compromise not control. 

Stay away from partners who overly criticize you, and keep you away from your friends and family who constantly guilt you into doing their bidding. It may be subtle at first, but think of control like cancer, it could grow into something ugly and dangerous if you let it. 

23. An emotionally unavailable partner

Don’t deceive yourself, sometimes he’s not taking his time to open himself up to the idea of loving you, he's just not ready for that kind of commitment. Does he avoid emotional situations? Does he skip serious conversations? If that’s a yes, then he is probably emotionally unavailable and it's time to run for the hills. 

The real deal-breaker should be if he thinks that all emotions are a sign of weakness, you see, all human beings are emotional creatures, you can’t totally take feelings off the table especially for us ladies. So if he makes you feel small because you shed a tear during the movie Titanic, he’s checked out of that relationship long before it even started.

24. A partner who doesn’t listen

Communication is key in a relationship, so if your partner shuts you out the moment you try to get across to him then it shows that he doesn’t value you and he probably feels like you are less important. 

Both parties in a relationship need to feel free and comfortable, not just one person. If he talks over you or rudely shuts you up in the middle of an open conversation, then you need to set him straight; it's either he stops it immediately or you end things immediately. 

25. A partner who does not communicate

Communication involves both listening and speaking, a lack of communication can ruin a relationship in no time. Voicing out issues that bother you, are a major and very necessary part of being in a healthy relationship. If your partner is reluctant to tell you things that bother him or things he would like from you, things could get a bit toxic. 

Everyone needs an outlet, avoiding communication would mean bottling up things, which never ends well. Try to encourage your man to communicate more or you may have to end things.   

FAQs

What are unforgivable things in a relationship?

A lot can and should be forgiven when you’re in love. However, there are a few things that should not be overlooked. The first on the list is domestic violence, this is not only unforgivable but punishable by law. Another is serial cheating and all types of abuse including emotional abuse. The list goes on.

Is it OK to never be in a relationship?

Though romantic relationships have become a societal norm, this does not mean it's required. If you’ve never been in a relationship and you aren't ready to be in one, it's okay, there’s no rush. Every individual has different preferences, you should get into a relationship only when you’re ready.

What factors can ruin a relationship?

When you’re in a relationship, you aren’t just living for yourself anymore, whatever you do can affect your partner. This means that there are some things you should avoid doing to keep the relationship going. For example; being careless, manipulating your partner, being controlling, being negative, being excessively critical, and the likes.

Do I love him or am I just attached?

Love and attachment have almost the same emotional symptoms. When you’re in love with a person you’re constantly thinking about that person, everything suddenly becomes about them. You even begin to put their needs before yours. On the other hand, attachment is more self-centered, you always want the person’s attention to be on you.   

What are signs of disrespect in a relationship?

It's easy to tell when your partner stops respecting you, you’d notice that he’ll stop listening to what you have to say, they’ll keep lying to you, with no remorse. You wouldn’t be on their priority list, they’d give sexual or emotional attention to others in front of you, they’d disregard your boundaries, feelings and disrespect your friends and family.

To Conclude

I hope you found this article helpful, remember, you’re beautiful, you’re valuable and you deserve to be loved. Do not tolerate anything that makes you feel less than this. Please let me know what you think about this topic in the comment section below and be sure to share it. 

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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