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8 Worrying Signs Your Husband Is Not Attracted To You

Last updated on June 12, 2022 by Sonya Schwartz

Are you worried that your husband isn’t attracted to you?

Perhaps you’re lying awake at night wondering whether this is your fault, and if there is anything you can do to fix it? 

If so, you’re in the right place. 

This guide reveals the most clear-cut signs that your husband is not attracted to you, and offers tips on what to do in this situation. 

However, before we dive into this advice, I want you to read these next sentences very carefully.

I spent so much time in relationships where I wasn’t made to feel desired.

In many cases, this was because my partner really didn’t care that much about me. 

This was a worrying pattern which lasted a long time. 

But, thankfully, I was able to turn this around...  

It all started when I discovered a little-known aspect of male psychology called the ‘Hero’s Instinct’.

This psychological trigger has a huge effect on how men feel about the women in their life. 

It releases incredible feelings of self-worth, power and meaning in a man. Naturally, he begins to feel a lot closer to the woman who makes him feel this way.  

Once I discovered how to trigger these feelings, it was common that men would lust and OBSESS over me (read my personal story to learn more). 

It’s an easy skill to learn, which can revolutionise relationships. The crazy thing is: so few people seem to be aware of it. 

If you’re unsatisfied with your relationships, I’d invite you to learn more about how I discovered the power of the ‘Hero’s Instinct’. 

The guide below will reveal if the lack of affection in your relationship is due to a loss of physical attraction.  

8 Worrying Signs Your Husband Isn't Attracted To You

Before we jump straight in and take a look at these ten signs, it's vital to say that all relationships go through different phases - at some times, the relationship might be really physical and loving, and at other times, the relationship might slow down for a while. You should only worry about your partner showing these signs if he has been showing them for a prolonged period of time, and it's concerning you.

1 . Your Sex Life Has Come To A Halt

As two people get more comfortable in a relationship, the regularity of the couple's sex life slows down. This is completely normal, but you should definitely be concerned if your sex life has come to a standstill, and especially concerned if you haven't had sex with one another for a long time. If your partner hasn't initiated sex with you in a long time, it can lower your self-esteem and make you feel unwanted, so it's vital that you speak to your partner about it.

Sex can stop in a relationship due to a variety of reasons, but most of the time, couples are honest with each other and openly speak about it. Even though you're married, you might get nervous speaking to your other half about sex, but it's essential that you speak up. Sex could slow down due to stress in other parts of life, illness, age, or children or parents being present at home. This could be one of the reasons your sex life has died.

However, if your partner is showing several of the other signs listed below and this, he might not find you attractive or love you anymore.

2 . He Flirts With Other Women

2 . He Flirts With Other Women

If you notice that your husband flirts with other women or spends a lot of time looking at other women, and not paying attention to you, this is definitely a problem. The two of you have chosen to be committed and together for life, and therefore he shouldn't be flirting with other women in the first place. However, you might be able to let the flirting go if he was giving you proper attention because you would pass it off as meaningless. When he flirts or looks at other women when he is not paying you attention or making you feel loved, this is not acceptable. He is lowering your self-confidence and security in the relationship, and you don't deserve that. His flirting might also worry you - would he ever cheat on you? As soon as you start to feel uncomfortable, you need to speak to him straight away to figure out what he is doing. Men aren't the best at picking up on women's emotions, and therefore he might assume you know that he only has love for you, and not even realize he is doing anything wrong that would upset you.

3 . He Spends A Lot Of Time Away From Home

A man that's struggling with finding his wife attractive might choose to spend a lot of his time away from her, not only so he doesn't have to deal with the issue, but also because he thinks his wife won't notice something is going on. So, if your partner has been spending a lot of time away from home, you might have a cause for concern. He might start seeing his friends a lot more, and inventing things to with them, so that (as a kind wife) you can't say no. Of course, it might be amazing that your husband sees his friends a lot, and you shouldn't ever hold him back from doing what he wants and seeing them, but if he is spending an obscene amount of time out of the house, you will probably feel that this is an issue. As well as seeing his friends, he might make the excuse that he has to work late, or that he's got meetings out of town. He's most likely trying to avoid you.

4 . He Doesn't Put Effort Into The Relationship Anymore

4 . He Doesn't Put Effort Into The Relationship Anymore

Is it like pulling teeth getting him to spend time with you?
The key to solving is understanding men on a much deeper emotional level. The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him.

Take this quick quiz to see if he actually likes you!

As I mentioned earlier, all relationships tend to slow down physically as time goes on, but one thing that should never change is the effort that goes into a relationship, especially a marriage. All adults know that relationships need effort to be put into them in order to work - it is not as easy as you think to work on a relationship and keep it healthy 100% of the time. Unlike the sex lives of many long term relationships that slow down, the effort being put into the relationship should always remain at a particular level. The majority of men in relationships make a conscious effort every now and then to buy their wife flowers, to take her for dinner or to simply spend uninterrupted quality time with them. So, if you notice that your husband is no longer making putting effort into your marriage or into the act of loving you, there could be a problem - he might not be attracted to you or love anymore, and that's why he has pulled back.

5 . He Doesn't Show You Affection

I touched on the sex life declining in the first point, but that is not the only indicator that your man might not be attracted to you still. Any kind of physical affection is just as important as sex in a relationship. Physical affection shows your partner you are still attracted to them, and you love them - it's quite literately something that is a non-verbal expression of love. Physical affection encompasses pretty much anything that includes the two of you touching in a loving manner - kissing, hugging, holding hands, cuddling up next to each other on the sofa. If you notice that this has stopped in your marriage, you might have reason to be concerned about it. When was the last time you and your partner touched in an intimate way? You might find yourself having to think back to a while ago. If you are, then your husband may not be attracted to you anymore. Most men want to always be touching their partner, especially because they know it ensures the love between the two of them.

6 . You Don't Talk About The Future Together Anymore

6 . You Don't Talk About The Future Together Anymore

In a relationship, you normally speak at length about your visions and goals for the future, as well as listen to your partners. This is even more important in a marriage - you both need to be aware of what each other's goals are in life so that you can fully support one another in the best way you can. Also, people normally get married to someone who has similar goals or visions of life, so you tend to talk about it quite a lot. One of the best things about marriage is that you have a partner for life, and you can achieve all your goals together and create your ideal life. Most couples speak about their futures a lot. So, it can be worrying if your man hasn't mentioned anything about the future in a long while.

If a full-blown conversation about the future hasn't come up recently, you can always test the waters to see how your man reacts to talk about the future. If your husband goes quiet, shuts down the conversation or tries to change the subject, it could be because he is not attracted to you anymore and therefore doesn't see a future with you.

7 . You Think He Is Cheating On You

One of the biggest signs your man is not attracted to you anymore will be if you think he is cheating on you, or if you know he is. You might be able to tell that your husband is cheating on you, or that something is going on because of the way he has started acting, - you rarely see him, he spends long nights out of the house, he comes home smelling of other women, you have seen something on his phone from another woman. If you are certain that your husband is cheating on you, this is definitely a sign that he is no longer attracted to you. However, it's also a sign that your partner is not loyal and doesn't work through relationship problems with you - he runs away and treats you disgustingly. You don't deserve to be cheated on, and this certainly isn't one of the signs that should show you if your husband is or isn't attracted to you anymore - but unfortunately, it is. Your partner should not make you feel like that.

8 . You Fight A Lot

8 . You Fight A Lot

Fighting in a relationship is normal. As I mentioned earlier, all relationships go through patches of being really good and being extra difficult. Obviously, there are going to be disagreements within a relationship, and that's normal, as long as they don't occur too often, and you deal with the arguments rationally. However, if you and your husband are fighting a lot, it might be because there are deeper, underlying issues at play. Of course, you might be fighting a lot about issues not related to your man's attraction to you, but he could be arguing with you because he doesn't feel any attraction to you anymore and doesn't know how to get it out. If you notice that your husband is especially snappy when confronted about the lack of sex life or physical affection, this could also be because he's lost attraction for you and doesn't know a way to tell you properly.


If your husband is showing several of the signs listed above, you have every right to be concerned that your husband isn't attracted to you anymore. However, this shouldn't be the first conclusion you come to. You need to speak to your man first, before you start to presume anything. He might be having trouble with something that doesn't even involve you at all, and he's struggling with a lot of pressures in his life. The best way to figure out if your partner still feels attracted to you, is to simply talk to him. Sit down together and get to the bottom of what's going on. You should be in a marriage where you feel like you can speak to your partner openly about something that's bothering you.

I really hope that this article helped. If it did and you liked what you read, let us know in the comments!


Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself?
This doesn't mean he doesn't like you. You have to understand how he is wired. Once you do, you'll find there is a subtle thing you can say that to him that will drastically change how he shows his emotions towards you.

Take this quick quiz that looks at whether he actually likes you or not!

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

8 comments on “8 Worrying Signs Your Husband Is Not Attracted To You”

  1. Ive tried all the above. He passes the reason to a hernia . That don’t mean affection has to go away. He will flip it bk on me and say what you don’t love me any more or when I try to talk he says I’m arguing . If I cry I’m emotional. He makes it all about him :(. Not even two years Mistake ?? For me. For him I was there and a quick rebound

  2. He’s not my husband but he’s my boyfriend. When I bring the subject up he tells me that he’s tired all the time or he tells me to stop talking about it all together.

  3. I’m going through this rt now I honestly fee he isn’t attracted to me never really been he doesn’t give me compliments or ever pursue me , I always want him and can’t keep my hands of him but now he is having trouble staying hard as soon as I touch it it’s lost he gets mad when I want to talk but I really need him to tell me and b honest if it’s me or something else


  4. I've been with my husband since I was 14 now we have been together 21 years and until recently I was sure he was into me but lately he is either distant or over compensating. I know he's not cheating, he just doesn't seem sexually attracted to me anymore.

  5. Ive been w my hubs for 10 yrs. Our sex life has went downhill. He says it’s low testosterone which is true. And I know it’s unrealistic to think Sex will be the same in my 20’s then in my 30’s (he’s in his forties). He’s def not cheating but he has a lot of stress. But I still FEEL LIKE ITS ME! He’s always reassuring me it isnt. He’s going to a dr for it. Fingers crossed since I realized women are hornier as we get older lol!

  6. I've been with the love of my life for 20 years, we are supposed to be getting married next year but the last year has been a rollercoaster, he has been suffering with an illness that can't seem to be diagnosed so he has been stuck at home alot. So I completely understand that his usual outgoing self has been turned upside down, but since our 4 Yr old daughter was born he hardly ever sleeps in our bed, we used to be very sexually active up until then and he used to constantly touch me or kiss me or cuddle me, now I'm lucky if I get a peck on the lips. I know he isn't cheating but I think he is too scared to tell me he doesn't want me anymore and I'm too scared to ask.

  7. My husband is doing extra things lately to make me happy. Breakfast in bed, doing the dishes, etc. Not complaining about those things but he doesn't want sex with me, stays at work late all the time. Doesn't compliment me like he used to. When I ask about the sex (because I want it alot, he doesn't) he says he's tired from working so much. He leaves at 5am and sometimes doesn't get home until after 6 or 7. Them it's time for his bedtime again. I just want to feel attractive again. I'm afraid he's doing those extra things to get my mind away from wanting sex. It's very frustrating.

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