While it is true but unfortunate, the secrets men keep can hurt their relationships if they continue to keep secrets from the women they are with. Often, a man doesn’t realize the harm he is doing by keeping a secret in his relationship. Instead of lying or hiding something from his partner, the boyfriend should share his feelings and concerns with his girlfriend.
So, why do men feel the need to keep secrets from their friends and family? Why would a husband not want to share something with his spouse? Why does he have such little faith that she will understand what he’s going through?
Quite often, men keep secrets in relationships because it keeps things on an even playing field. It’s keeping the peace in their relationships. They may worry that their friends and family will not understand their points of view, so they continue hiding things. A husband may hide his true feelings about his wife’s cooking because he doesn’t want her to be hurt.
This does make sense, but I’d like to think that a man would have more faith in his woman than that and would believe his friends and family would understand and be compassionate.
Let’s explore the secrets many men keep!
Some men just do not know how to handle their finances. They feel like their debt is out of control and they cannot share this shame with their family for fear of rejection. I believe if they worked with their family, they would be surprised. They may have a lot less stress over the issue if they were just to open up and share it.
When a man has excessive debt, he’s often ashamed of this. It may have gotten out of control while he was in college or when he was in his twenties - long before he met his current mate. If this is the case, the man could work with a debt consolidation firm to help manage his finances and to avoid debt collectors calling him repeatedly.
This man may be able to find comfort in his gal if he just opened up and shared the facts of the situation. She might be able to budget with him and help him get out of debt so that the two of them could pay off what he owes and save up for something great! If they worked together, it would be a team activity, and they’d be proud together.
Some men just want sex and don’t want the friendships that come with sex. Instead, the physical component is all they want. If this is the case, the men should just be upfront with their hopes and expectations of the relationships they are in so that both parties understood what was going on.
I was once living with a guy who was also managing my finances. I didn’t think much of it because we were in love and in a serious relationship. Later, I found out that he had lost his job, and he was using my credit card to pay his bills and support himself. Instead of telling me that he lost his job, he was just using my money to support himself.
It’s true that it was my fault for not monitoring my money more closely. However, I didn’t feel like he needed to lie to me every single day for a long period of time. He told me every day how great his job was going! Just one lie after another was told! When I found all of this out, I kicked him out and made him pay me back right away.
I felt used and betrayed because he had lied to me about his situation. I would have helped him if he were honest with me about the whole thing; there really was no reason to lie. I didn’t yell at him about the job loss; I understand that these things happen to everyone. It was the lying and sneaking around that upset me the most!
Some guys don’t want women to know about their spending habits. I’ve known many men who have had this issue because they don’t know how to maintain a budget. If you are with a guy who you think is lying to you about money, you should let him know your stance on the subject to get him to open up to you about what’s going on.
Many men have addictions; that’s why support groups like AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) are so popular. AA was founded in 1935, if you can imagine that! It’s been around for nearly a century! This shows the effectiveness of the program, though. It truly does work for people with addictions. It helps them with a long-lasting 12-step program.
Many men go to groups like this for addictions with other issues other than alcohol. They may have drug problems, anger issues, gambling problems, or other issues. Support groups like Celebrate Recovery, a Christ-centered alternative to AA, have groups for all sorts of issues, including life issues, codependency, and pornography addiction.
Your man may need the help of a professional if his addiction is affecting his life in a serious way. If you think your guy has an uncontrolled addiction, encourage him to get help. He may need counseling or a therapist to talk through his problems, but support groups are very effective! Most importantly, you should support him fully!
I used to think tattoos were kind of sexy until I met one boyfriend who didn’t want me to know about him. When I saw it, which was a picture of a naked cartoon woman doing horrible things, I realized that I kind of had lost respect for him because of it. Sure, I wanted him to be honest with me, but I didn’t expect that either.
Over time, the tattoo did become kind of a sore spot between us. He couldn’t wear sleeveless shirts at the pool if kids were around because the tattoo was inappropriate. He could have just had the tattoo covered up or removed, but he never did. I also could have handled the situation better and been nicer about the stupid thing. Oh well!
Some men may look good on the outside, but secretly, they do not want you to know something - they hate taking care of themselves. They don’t like showering on a regular basis, for example. Not all men are this way, but I have dated more than one. To me, this is a shocking thing to have a problem with - showering!
Other men just don’t want to exercise or eat right, but they want to have beautiful bodies on the outside. Go figure! So, to make up for this insecurity and to hide the things they don’t want women to know about, they do unhealthy things to keep themselves in shape and to keep themselves looking good.
Some men truly have no friends outside of the girlfriends they are close to or the family members they spend time with. This can be a problem later on in the relationship when you want to spend time with your friends and feel guilty because he doesn’t have any. If your man has no friends, you might try going on some group outings with him.
I’ve known so many men who claim they aren’t into sports, and I think, “Yea!! I found a keeper - a guy who won’t ditch me for the remote every time a sports event comes on the television!” Men also lie from time to time, I’ve learned. So many men love sports and just don’t want to admit to you the truth of their obsession with the games.
Some men are just habitual liars; they do not know how to tell the truth. They think the slightest thing will set you off and have just decided to skirt around the honest to goodness truth so that you won’t get mad easily. If this is your situation, think about how you react to the things he says or does. Maybe you need to be cooler!
There are plenty of guys out there that just want their fantasies to come true. There’s really nothing wrong with having their dreams, but when you keep them to yourself, the likelihood of them coming true goes down considerably because the other person doesn’t know what you are thinking about in the bedroom!
Is it like pulling teeth getting him to spend time with you?
The key to solving is understanding men on a much deeper emotional level. The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him.
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Many men don’t want to own up to the issues they are having on the job because they are embarrassed about their thoughts and feelings on the subject. One person may feel as though he is being belittled by his boss, and another may have fun bullying his co-worker around. Both men may think that they are doing something wrong.
Often, men don’t like your friends. They don’t want to say anything because they don’t want you to get upset over the issue. If there is a division between your guy and your friends, just spend time with each group of people at different times in your day. They don’t have to mix if they don’t like one another!
Some men are very close to their mothers, for example. They may not want you to know that when you’re just dating one another because they don’t want to be judged about it. Nevertheless, they are perhaps “mama's boys” and always will be. You may be put on the back burner if this is the way things will always be with your man.
Some men have emotional or mental triggers that just set them off, and they almost can’t control themselves or the way they react. They may become violent or abusive. Be sure if you are in an abusive or violent situation that you get help right away. You should never have to tolerate a dangerous situation, so get yourself out of there!
Some men are bipolar or have suffered trauma in their past. They may react to certain situations in a specific way because they’ve never gotten the help they needed. If you believe this to be the case, you should talk to your man about what he’s going through and encourage him to get the help he needs in order to heal properly.
There’s no reason to go through life undiagnosed or untreated if you need the help. I had a male friend who didn’t want to get help for his Bipolar, and he just went through life scaring people off because he didn’t know how to act like a normal person. Not all people with mental illness have this problem, but he did. It’s best to be treated.
While there are still plenty of secrets men will keep from us - from cheating to PTSD, some men will forever lie and tell you that they love your cooking. Secretly, they don’t want you to know that they hate it. My man just decided to let me know by doing all the cooking! It works for me since I don’t like cooking anyway!
If you think your gentleman is keeping something from you, ask him about it. The worst that can happen is that he continues to keep it or lies to you. You will just be in the same boat you are in right now. If you ask, at least you open the room up for a conversation on the things he is fearful about. Maybe he will share everything with you! Best of luck!
Common secrets men keep include secrets related to money, sex, and addictions. A guy might not want his girlfriend to know his phone passwords if he has an addiction to porn or thinks she’ll use those phone passwords to see his secret sex life.
Some men don’t want their women to know about their secret sex lives or about the feelings they have for other women. A boyfriend may not want his gal to know that he’s scared of marriage and having a wife one day or that he’s got no faith in her.
Secrets can destroy a relationship or marriage. Sometimes, the things that men keep secret are not as bad as the lies themselves. If a wife finds out her husband was lying in their marriage, she may feel betrayed that her husband wasn’t honest with her about what was happening.
Men often don’t want you to know their true feelings about certain issues, so they keep secrets. A boyfriend might not reveal his true feelings in regards to his girl’s cooking or clothing, but he keeps the secrets because they prevent fights in the relationship and hurt feelings.
If the secrets affect the relationship or family in some way, the secret should not be kept. Instead, the husband should share his concerns with his wife and unload his burdens. When men keep secrets, it’s hard on them, too! It’s not healthy or good to keep feelings bottled up!
Are you worried the man you are with is keeping secrets from you? When do you think men keep secrets? Do you think the secrets men keep are dangerous for their families and relationships? We’d love to hear your thoughts and comments! Please share your feelings in the comments below!
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