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My Husband Prefers His Hand Over Me (Why Does He Prefer It Over Sex)

Last updated on June 11, 2022 by Sonya Schwartz

Does your husband prefer masturbating to having sex with you? 

Do you see this as a threat to your marriage?

Perhaps you are wondering why he feels like this - or what you can do to make him more sexually attracted to you? 

If so, you’re in the right place. This article will provide a wealth of information you can use to strengthen your relationship.

But, before we begin, it’s important for you to carefully read through the following sentences.   

Recently, I discovered a primal male instinct that has a big effect on how men will feel about women they meet. 

When used properly, this psychological trigger can cause men to experience a deeper emotional connection and powerful feelings of lust. 

Before learning this skill, I was endlessly stuck in relationships with men who really didn’t care about me. Now, it’s common for them to become physically and emotionally ADDICTED to me. Read my personal account to find out more about how it works.

It’s known as the ‘Hero’s Instinct’ and can be used to spark initial attraction and reignite long-term partnerships. The crazy thing is: there really aren’t that many people who seem to even be aware about this. 

If your relationship is turning stale, I invite you to find out more about how I was able to discover this powerful psychological trigger

Having said that, my guide on the specific problem of your partner preferring to masturbate over having sex is addressed below.

Marriage And Masturbation - What You Need To Know

Before we dive into the issue, there are a few points I’d like to put across.

First of all, to make sure we’re all on the same page here, let’s accept it - married people do masturbate, and it comes with both advantages and disadvantages. Couples may become more active in the bedroom after getting married, but this certainly doesn’t mean that some habits like masturbating will come to an end. There are various reasons for this, and let’s discuss a few of them.

For example, in an event where one partner has a lower sexual appetite than the other, the former may decide to masturbate to fill their sexual needs. Their reason may be that they do not want to bother the other person and so they decide to do the business (of sexual stimulation) by themselves. This strategy is said to prevent them from making love to someone else, and, in some cases, both parties have an understanding.

In a study on the frequency of masturbation in married men, 87% had masturbated within three months of the research. While some wives knew the full details, others either knew part or didn’t know anything at all. So make no mistake, masturbating clearly occurs within marriages, but it is not always a problem

However, it only becomes a problem when your husband prefers masturbation instead of sexual intercourse with you so he begins to ignore you sexually. 

Why Does My Husband Play With Himself?

So if you are facing this challenge in your marriage, here are some reasons why your other half may prefer to play with himself.

1. Minimal Effort Is Required

The first reason is that it’s so quick and easy to masturbate. Let me paint a picture for you. Imagine you come home from work hungry, and although your fridge is fully stocked to prepare a meal, you decide to order a takeaway instead and save yourself some time and energy. 

In a funny way, grabbing some fast-food can be likened to masturbating daily - as minimum effort is required. While masturbating, a man wouldn’t have to think about pleasuring his wife as he has only his pleasure to think about. He wouldn’t have to ask whether she is in the mood, and within a few minutes, it will be over.

2. Porn Plays A Part

Another reason that comes up is that he might be enjoying and watching porn more often. Pornography presents numerous scenarios that are usually not experienced in real life that your husband may find more arousing. The instant arousal that comes with watching porn scenes allows him to reach climax more effortlessly. There might also be something in the porn that excites him more than being with you does.

3. Stress Relief

Studies have shown that masturbating is good stress relief, and maybe your husband might be too stressed to touch you. It is known to release endorphins (happy hormones) into the brain, which sometimes bring relief from pain. Your husband might find it too tedious to make love to you and so he takes the easy way out.

4. Underlying Physical Issues

The presence of an underlying issue can also be attributed to your husband preferring to masturbate instead of sexual intercourse with you. Problems like erectile dysfunction, ejaculatory incompetence, and premature ejaculation can affect your sex life and marriage. 

It can be quite embarrassing and uncomfortable to talk about, and your husband might not be ready yet. In this case, he would instead pleasure himself than risk dissatisfying you while making love.

Excessive Masturbation And Marital Issues

Unfortunately, some unavoidable marital issues are likely to arise if your husband would rather masturbate than make love to you.

Is it like pulling teeth getting him to spend time with you?
The key to solving is understanding men on a much deeper emotional level. The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him.

Take this quick quiz to see if he actually likes you!

  • As earlier mentioned, it can easily cause you to blame yourself, as feelings of inadequacy arise. If left unresolved, this can eventually, this can lead to feelings of disappointment, loneliness, and resentment.
  • There is also the issue of porn becoming a substitute for intimacy. Since lovemaking is one form of intimacy in marriage, not sharing it with your partner will be depriving them of it. In this case, the husband will turn to masturbate to porn as his source of intimacy. Most of the time, porn is not realistic and so getting attached might be unhealthy.
  • Some also consider it to be cheating when their husband masturbates instead of making love. They feel like the marital trust has been broken, especially if their husband hides this behavior, and the wife finds out later. For some women, they believe their husband keeps secrets from them once they find out they have been masturbating.

What You Can Do To Restore Your Love Life

Rest assured that even though your husband might not wholly stop masturbating, these steps will help to bring his attention back to you. The most important thing is not to blame yourself for his actions but instead take the initiative to enhance your intimacy and lovemaking routine.

  • Have an honest, mature, and open conversation with your husband about how his actions make you feel and how it’s impacting your relationship. Try very hard not to sound like you’re accusing him of something, but instead let him know that you’re ready to work beside him to solve this problem in your marriage.
  • If it is okay with you, try to spice things up in the bedroom with sexy lingerie or even masturbate and watch porn with him. Up till now, he might be looking at you in a different light that may not be sexy, and doing this will change that. You might also be able to get into his mind to know what arouses him so that you can use it to excite him.
  • If you think you cannot do it by yourself, try consulting a sex therapist to get to the root of the problem. They are well-equipped and will be in an excellent position to help you.


Why Does My Husband Not Want To Make Love To Me?

He might be having physical issues like erectile dysfunction, low testosterone, and circulatory problems. Other emotional problems like stress may also be the cause. He might even be feeling a lack of connection in the relationship with you, which may lower his desire to make love to you.

How Do You Tell If Your Husband Is Attracted To Another Woman?

One clear sign is when he starts avoiding you, and the time he spends with you reduces. Also, he will quickly get offended with you and start comparing you with others. You will no longer be the person he speaks to and will start keeping secrets from you.

Why Does My Husband Reject?

Your husband may be going through some problems and may intentionally or unintentionally reject. He might also not be happy with himself, or the relationship or other unresolved issues that he has not communicated with you. He might hold off on asking you for anything and hence stir further feelings of rejection in you.

How Do I Deal With My Addiction To My Husband?

One way to make sure that you are not obsessing over your husband redirect your attention to other interests. When you are idle, your thoughts will inevitably default on your marital issues. If you’re thinking that your husband is only nice when he wants something, you might be coming on too strong at a time when you both need a bit of space to yourselves in the relationship.

What Causes A Man Not To Be Sexually Active?

A man can become distracted by other things in his life, such as work, to the extent that making love is the last thing on his mind. Health and financial issues might also get in the way of bedroom intimacy and cause him to abandon it altogether.

To Conclude...

Marriage, and everything it represents, must be enjoyed by both parties involved. Hopefully, the information provided gives you more insight into what the real issues are when masturbation gets in the way.

I hope you enjoyed reading this piece as much as I did when researching the topic. Don’t forget to leave your comment and share it with others if you found this useful.

Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself?
This doesn't mean he doesn't like you. You have to understand how he is wired. Once you do, you'll find there is a subtle thing you can say that to him that will drastically change how he shows his emotions towards you.

Take this quick quiz that looks at whether he actually likes you or not!

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

21 comments on “My Husband Prefers His Hand Over Me (Why Does He Prefer It Over Sex)”

  1. The man I want to marry watches porn
    But says when we marry he want do that . He is an older man that can not get an erection ( even with meds ) so he wants to be relieved by my mouth . My questions are should I marry him and what do you think of his sexual desire if using the wife’s mouth to perform sex. He has sex toys to use on the women for sexual pleasure .

  2. Sometimes I prefer to masturbate because my wife is grumpy all the time and not nice during the day. Feeling lonely and yet horny makes it an easy choice to simply masturbate. I like to fantasize about being with a sweet woman and making love to her.

  3. My wife is totally faking it. My greatest pleasure is as a giver and watching my wife enjoy the pleasure. Since she is trying to get things over as soon as possible when we make love, I don't enjoy it. We can't talk either so I avoid sex. Communication is the key to a good sex life. With out it things are not going to go well.

  4. I have a wife who would punish me by withholding sex.So naturally I would do it.She snores so we have different bedrooms. I couldn't fall asleep last night as a matter of fact so I jerked off in her panties.Gross? no,sad sure. I am not into porn, I was a panty wearer( secretly) and was horny to begin with.So yes I have taken care of myself many,many times.In the shower,with lotion etc...If you had a crappy stress filled day release is important.If your wife doesn't help,you help yourself!My self control is poor right now the covid thing and extra stress at work so I am jerking off 2 or 3 times a week.I would love to be inside my wife!You feel better after masturbation,guilty yes, justified yes it is a private matter for each man.My wife wonders why I don't do extras for her..DUH, uh, you could spread your legs!!

  5. One thing to add to my previous comment I have lost 18 pounds so naturally I am getting aroused and up quicker.No matter how you fell about masturbation it is a fact.People try things and some become a normal part of your life.In other posts I talked about my former love for panties which should not shock anyone.I no longer wear them,pantylike underwear is my thing. As far as having to masturbate I am not proud of it at all.I see sexy women at work , in public and on TV so I guess I am primed to take care of that erection myself.Hey I know my prostate is healthy from frequent masturbation. Sigh...

  6. I stumbled upon a You Tube video where 2 female doctors were recommending masturbation 5 times a week.For prostate health.They said a bunch of things,couldn't believe my ears.Even if your self life is normal they said.How many guys are going to do that...?

  7. Maybe a guy just wants to come and not talk?Withholding sex may cause a change in attitude>> I will just jerk off then!Could be the case.

  8. Wife wonders why I bought more underwear,why not? You can buy some too,we have plenty of money,Hers are old ,worn out.I like different types of underwear and have to jerk off,pathetic....

  9. I don’t understand why my husband won’t communicate.Ive walked in multiple x’s to go to bed between 8-12 and he’s playing with himself.Ill leave him alone to unwind and watch t.v.(Sports) I’ve been married 13 yrs and this has been going on for awhile. I really wouldn’t care but we only have sex every 8-12 weeks at this point.Im almost wondering if he’s doing this on purpose. Help!

  10. I was bad last night and this morning. Yes, I jerked off in my wife's panties twice ,her back hurts. I even put a pair of panties on. Why? being a former panty addict you wear them or not .You get a good erection and then you take care of it. Disgusting maybe .I always feel better after and guilty .I have a weird schedule and get up at midnight or sooner. I am not into porn ,but I like video's and pictures of women in panties .I am surely not alone .So if you know you are for sure not going to get laid you masturbate. I lost 18 pounds and now my penis gets hard all the time. My wife is actually mad I lost weight .Well if I get horny any time soon I will take care of it. I see women all day with perfect butts and lose my train of thought( ya think).Lately I have been out of control .My new pantylike underwear is helping me relax. Currently working 7 days a week since April.I would like to bang my wife and not my right hand. Sexual frustration is more common than admitted to!

  11. I think guys jerking off into panties is very common. Sex is everywhere in everything. Women wear tight clothes wear perfume and bend over at the grocery store right in front of guys .So we are always stimulated, TV & movies....My wife wants a perfect day before sex..really? Nothing can go wrong she will fixate on it.If women didn't BITCH so much maybe guys would jerk less. Now where are those panties? 🙂

  12. My wife has severe anxiety disorders. Early in our marriage she always found excuses not to, mostly too tired. I seldom masturbate all the way but will frequently edge myself, getting close but not finishing. That way if she wants to I am able to. I'm in my 60's and after years of neglect I'm not able to perform every day. My wife complains sometimes that I don't initiate much but am almost always willing. Due to her anxiety she is frequently in a foul mood during the day and it's difficult to feel romantic. She also doesn't want me to go down on her and seldom cleans herself down there. She also doesn't brush her teeth, so frequently has bad breath which limits kissing. I wish it were better but I'm doing what I have to to survive.

  13. I have a bitchy wife, I jerk off so I can fall asleep. Since she snores like a lumberjack I sleep in a different bedroom. I have used her Vanity Fair panties to come in for years. I have been on Qoura and many guys also use panties or old slips to jerk it. I don't look at porn. I just do it in the dark. Pathetic? maybe. I have seen online other behavior and doing it in her panties is mild. If my wife died tomorrow I would order panties online just for masturbation. I will never marry again .Sexual frustration is awful so guys jerk away. I just wrap two pair around my dick and take my time, it relaxes me to come in the panties.

  14. I jerk into panties all the time... I look up to see if others do it. Stupid porn videos come up..gross. Never type in panties and jerking off!!

  15. I have removed all my pubic hair, my panties feel better, I am wearing women's panties 90% of the time now. I missed them. I jerk off in hers and mine. She hurt her back...when I need to cum, I need to cum.

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