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I’m Not Attracted To My Boyfriend Anymore: 10 Things You Should Do

by Aubrey Meister

Are you feeling a lack of attraction to your boyfriend? Do you feel your relationship falling apart because of it? You aren’t alone. Many people experience these emotions in their relationships.

I’ve been in the position where I’m not attracted to my boyfriend anymore. That’s one of the reasons I wanted to share this topic with you. Hopefully, this guide will help you to work out the details of your relationship and your emotions so that things can go back to normal.

Find Out Why You’re Losing Attraction

This can be hard to figure out, but it’s really helpful when it comes to working through these relationship issues.

One of the main reasons that people lose attraction in a relationship is due to changes in the relationship or in the person. If your boyfriend has changed a lot lately—physically or mentally—you might feel less attracted to him.

Maybe your relationship dynamics have undergone some changes too. Are you working more? Do the two of you talk less and see each other less than you used to?

Your relationship could be failing. Maybe this is a sign that you shouldn’t be together long-term.

If you simply can’t figure out the reasons behind your dwindling attraction, you can still come up with a plan and try to fix it. It’s just helpful to have some possibilities in mind.

Think About Why You Started Dating Him in the First Place

If you started dating your boyfriend due to his physical appearance, you should have been aware that people change over time, both physically and emotionally. This doesn’t mean that he’s not attractive anymore, but he may have changed.

Maybe you have never found him very attractive, but now you’re realizing it even more.

It’s important that you find him attractive, but it’s more important that you like who he is as a person.

The problem is that many people are eager to get into relationships and often end up dating people who they aren’t very attracted to. Obviously, this relationship may be short-lived and result in a breakup.

Do some brainstorming to come up with some potential reasons you started dating your boyfriend. Then, you can think about what might have affected your attraction to him.

Sometimes this can happen if you start dating someone before you know them very well. They might seem great from afar, but, once you’re in the relationship, they just aren’t for you.

It’s important to learn from this situation so that you make wiser decisions when choosing guys to date in the future.

Talk to Your Boyfriend Before It’s Too Late

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Now, this step won’t be applicable to everyone. If you feel like you’ve already lost all attraction to your boyfriend, this likely won’t be helpful.

What you can do if you’re still slightly attracted to your boyfriend is talk to him about what you’re feeling. Explain what’s going on and why you feel this way.

It’s important to do this early on so that you can fix it before it continues to get even worse. There comes a point where this talk isn’t useable anymore. If you’ve already lost all attraction to your boyfriend, there’s no point in telling him about it in this way.

It’s easier to resolve this problem if you are still somewhat in love with your boyfriend. Once you lose the attraction, you may not see the point in trying to mend the relationship.

By being upfront with your boyfriend, you will be creating a level of trust and showing your commitment. He may be more willing to help you with this.

Additionally, being honest with your boyfriend is a major piece of relationship success. Without your honesty, your boyfriend won’t be able to fully trust you.

Get Some Advice

This information here can count as advice, but you may want more personalized advice. I’m not hearing a story directly from you and I don’t know your feelings, so I can’t be too specific.

Find someone that you trust and can talk to about anything. This could be a best friend or a family member or even someone else.

What’s important is that you are respectful of your boyfriend’s privacy. This issue affects both of you. Anything you say could easily get back to him.

You can share some necessary details, but try not to make it seem like you’re bashing him.

Sometimes, we like to gossip and keep talking about our problems. This is an issue for another day. For now, notice that there is a big difference between you talking to your friends about your personal problems vs. your relationship problems.

When your friends give you advice, think about it and evaluate all of your options.

Consider Visiting a Therapist

You and your boyfriend can go visit a therapist together. Here, you will have the freedom to talk about these issues of attraction without judgment.

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Some therapists will allow you to come in on a random basis. This may only be when you feel like your relationship could use some support. Other therapists may operate on a weekly or monthly schedule. This may depend on your specific situation as well.

A therapist will also be able to give you advice. They may create an action plan specifically for you. With this plan, you and your boyfriend will have clear guidelines for how to recreate the attraction between the two of you.

Look online for local therapists who get the highest ratings. There should be online reviews for each therapist or office in your area so that you can make an informed decision.

You may need to try out a few different therapists before making a final decision, but it will be worth it. You want to make sure that you’re comfortable telling this person some of the deepest parts about you and your relationship.

Be Open with Your Boyfriend

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You need to be up front and honest about what you’re feeling. This isn’t going to be easy, but it’s a good idea. It can help you and your boyfriend to work through these feelings you’re having.

Simply talk to him about what you’re feeling and why you might be feeling this way. Give him some insight because he may not understand what exactly is going on.

Let him know what your intentions are. If you’re willing to work through these problems and make the relationship work, tell him that. If you’re thinking about breaking up with him, be sure to let him know.

It’s essential that you two stay on the same page. If you’re doing this, it will be much easier to fix any problems that may arise. You will both already know about what happened.

If you aren’t great at being open and honest with your boyfriend, this can be hard. Just try to tell him the truth and make sure he understands what you’re saying.

By being honest with each other, you will both be aware of the issues that your relationship may be experiencing. This is excellent for communication too.

Consider Your Boyfriend’s Feelings

You know how you feel about your boyfriend and his attractiveness. You have no idea how he will feel once you talk to him about it. Try to think about his responses to serious talks like this in the past. If you can’t recall one, that’s totally fine!

It’s essential that you don’t make this all about you. Listen to your boyfriend’s concerns and his feelings. It’s likely that he’s afraid you will break up with him over this. He might also be confused about what changed your mind about him.

Be as honest as possible without absolutely destroying your boyfriend. Guys have emotions too so we need to be mindful of this.

Be supportive as he handles this news. Tell him that you’re there for him if he wants to talk about it.

Try to listen to what he has to say. He should feel like he is not being judged for any emotions that he expresses.

Come Up with a Plan

Maybe the spark in your relationship is simply dying out. This happens in long-term relationships. It’s important to know that this doesn’t always signify the end of a relationship. There are plenty of people who are able to work through attraction issues.

You should sit down with your boyfriend and come up with a way to bring your relationship back to the top.

Often, little things like more frequent dates and more flirting can make a significant impact on the attraction in a relationship. These things can help to keep things going strong between the two of you.

You and your boyfriend may want to set a goal. Perhaps you want to go on a date twice per month. You might try to do one nice thing for each other every day.

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Whatever your plan includes, make sure you stick to it. If you work together as a team, you can accomplish these goals.

Every month or so, re-evaluate the situation. Is the attraction coming back? Do you still feel like you want to break up with him? If so, that’s totally okay. What’s important is that you tried.

Make a Decision

You absolutely don’t have to break up with your boyfriend if you’re becoming less attracted to him. There are ways to fix the problem, which is why it’s essential to make an educated decision.

You should avoid wanting to break up with your boyfriend over any little thing that goes wrong in the relationship. This is a pretty big deal though because attraction is an essential part of a relationship.

If the attraction isn’t there and you can’t seem to bring it back, it might be time for a breakup. The spark is really what keeps a relationship alive. Without it, your relationship may not be worth it.

I would suggest trying to fix the relationship and choosing a breakup as your last choice. It’s totally up to you though.

This is a big decision that shouldn’t be taken lightly. This is your relationship we’re talking about! Don’t just break up right away.

If you decide that you do need to break up with your boyfriend, keep it short and sweet. Avoid drawing it out or filling the conversation with too many negative things about him.

Learn from This Situation

As mentioned several times, keeping the spark alive is extremely important in a relationship. This doesn’t mean you need to be in the honeymoon phase for your entire relationship. Just make sure that you show the other person that you care.

You should also be cautious when getting into your next relationship. You will want to make sure that you’re dating someone for the right reasons. For example, you shouldn’t date someone because they look attractive. They won’t always look that way.

From this situation, you probably realized that it’s important to check your feelings regularly. There’s some work that can be done to reignite a flame, but it’s easier to do so before it’s completely gone.

If you ever find yourself in a sticky situation like this, focus on being open and honest. This is a good practice to have in a relationship of any kind.

Just because this happened once before doesn’t mean it will never happen again. Based on your new experience, you should be able to stop the loss of attraction early on. Be aware of the changes in your relationship and talk about them as needed.

FAQs

Why Am I Not Physically Attracted To My Boyfriend Anymore?

Physical attraction is quite fickle altogether, so it’s not abnormal to become less attracted to a partner over time. It could be because of physical changes, maybe he changed his haircut or a lot more. Also, it could have something to do with busy schedules and lack of time to bond.

What Do You Do If You Are Not Attracted To Your Boyfriend?

Remember that this does not necessarily spell doom for your relationship.  Cast your mind back to the reason you first felt drawn to him. If it was solely linked to his looks then maybe you were barking up the wrong tree. Once and if you reach this conclusion then you need to vocalize your concerns.

Can You Love Someone You're Not Attracted To?

Very much so, the mere fact that you can love your friends without thinking they are hot is proof enough. Nevertheless, it's a different ballgame when it comes to romantic love. This is no grounds to end a relationship though, some people thrive in this kind of situation because the companionship is still stellar.

Can A Relationship Work Without Attraction?

In theory, yes, but that depends on the individuals and what it is that they are looking for specifically. If the two parties are seeking a passionate and intimate connection with someone then this kind of relationship is not the way to go. So, it’s quite relative as the case may be.

How Do You Know If He's Not Sexually Attracted To You?

The most obvious sign is that the fire in the bedroom will be quenched. He won’t initiate it and when you do, he’ll turn you down. He’ll become a bit more irritable and will only be good company when it's not just the two of you. Another major sign is when he no longer gets jealous when other men look at or proposition you.

Conclusion

If you are feeling less attracted to your boyfriend, you should evaluate what may be going on. You should also be open with your boyfriend about your feelings. From there, you can work together to come up with a plan.

Some relationships may be losing their spark. Maybe some serious life changes are influencing the attraction between you and your boyfriend. No matter what happens, there are plenty of options.

If you have a question, feel free to comment down below!

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Aubrey Meister
I’m a college student with several years of dating experience. I enjoy researching relationship and communication skills to improve my own relationships and the relationships of others as well. As a college student, I have spent time offering advice to friends as needed.

11 comments on “I’m Not Attracted To My Boyfriend Anymore: 10 Things You Should Do”

  1. I am with my boyfriend because I was in a situation that I sold my house and I moved in with him.Really had no attraction to him. Now I feel stuck.

    1. I pray you get to be financially stable again soon and move out. I hope you already have. So that you can have peace of mind

    2. Tania, I feel the same way and I’m in the same sort of situation.
      I just got out of rehab not too long ago and I flirted with a worker for 30 days... like we’d talk all night long when he worked.
      I gave him my number and he texted me when I got out and long story short I moved out of my parents house because even though I’m an adult, they tried to control my life and I didn’t want to be bothered anymore... so he let me move in after we start fighting a lot at home and I’m stuck now with no attraction to him.

  2. I am going through massive changes in my career. I feel like I am less than him and thats the reason I am losing attraction towards him. I think the problem is with me but I love him and dont want to lose him. Should I tell him that?

  3. Ok so I’ve dated him before and everything was fine until he said I love you 1 month in we also had some fun ‘if you know what I mean]I got uneasy and backed out we where friends then my grandma got sick and he was asked to move in as he lived here we ended up dating again now I feel stuck I don’t have any attraction to him I’m always getting annoyed on how he lacks common sense He lets his sister control all his financial matters I feel as if I’m raising a child

    1. I can relate to you so much. I moved into my boyfriends house two years ago because a family member attacked me out of anger. It was fun at first but now I’m sick of everything. I want my own place where I can breathe and be myself.

  4. god I can't even begin how much this article helped me. I love my boyfriend more than anything and It would be stupid to let someone that amazing go. very helpful tips, thank you!

  5. I know I love my boyfriend but these days I don't even want to have sex with him. I feel like he's not manly enough. He's behaving too soft and for the most part I'm the one that is alway stepping up. If we get lost I have to figure it out, his comments on certain male and female issues are questionable and if anything in the house/car needs fixing I have to do it myself or call a male friend to do it or even pay someone to do it, and I feel like I shouldn't have to do that wen I already have a "man" in my life.

    1. Girl I totally understand, this is actually one of the reasons I’m losing attraction to my bf. He’s very very sensitive and gets offended easily, which is interesting because I think he has some offensive opinions about male/female issues. I feel like I’m taking care of a child sometimes with the way he behaves and acts. I love him to death, but I’m not sure if I could spend the rest of my life with someone like him. What’s even worse is the fact that his brother is super manly, funny, mature, all these things that I’m wanting from a male, but there is no way I can have him.

  6. Iv been dating my boyfriend since high school (6 or 7years), my mom kicked me out around the same time we started dating and I have been living with him since. I feel like were more roommates than a couple. I haven't been on my own and cant support myself without him.. I feel like we have grown apart but yet also are growing together. There's never been a time where I feel special and we have never celebrated our anniversary or anything.

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