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Husband Lies And Hides Things? (5 Alarming Reasons Why)

Last updated on October 4, 2022 by Sonya Schwartz

Does your husband constantly lie?

Are you wondering why he does this and what it could mean for your relationship?

Perhaps you’re wondering if you can trust him? 

If so, read on. This guide offers some valuable advice to how to deal with this situation. 

However, before we dive into the meat of this advice, I want to tell you about this incredible online tool I discovered.  

With just a few of your partner’s details, this tool can offer up a huge database of their communications history. 

You’ll discover what online services he’s signed up to, who he’s been frequently contacting and what contact details he’s registered, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.  

Put simply, if he’s been cheating on you or engaging in other dishonest behaviour, this tool is likely to make it immediately clear. 

The guide below will offer some more detailed tips for dealing with a liar. 

We also address what you can do when you having a lying husband and how to tell if your spouse is lying in the first place.

What Lying Does To A Marriage?

Lying can do a number of corrosive things to a marriage or a relationship. Here we look at a few of the biggest issues that it can cause and what the result of that may be.

Lying Causes Lack Of Trust

Without a shadow of a doubt, the biggest issue that lying can do to a marriage is cause a huge amount of distrust. One of the main things that people look for in a partner is honesty and when that person lies, it can make trusting them hard - if not impossible.

Trust and being honest is perhaps the most important things that a relationship needs to stand the test of time. Being secretive and hiding things from one another will only cause pain in the long run and make a marriage far more hard work than it need to be.

Lying Causes Stress

It can be so stressful when you are married to someone who consistently lies to you. Their dishonesty can make you question your partner all the time and wonder whether they are telling the truth or going behind your back to hide things again.

Stress can therefore make it difficult for you to relax and enjoy the good parts about your relationship and the best bits of your partner. As a result, lying can be a hugely debilitating thing to occur in a relationship and can stop it from having any real future.

Lying Causes Resentment

Lying Causes Resentment

One of the most negative feelings a wife and a husband can have towards each other is resentment. If your partner is forever lying to you, then it can cause a huge amount of animosity from the hurt that it can cause. When boundaries are crossed, or perhaps a partner is caught cheating on the other, it can be difficult to even know if you love that person anymore as you are so hurt by their reckless behavior.

It can get to the point that the lies just breed bitterness and antagonism between the two of you so that other problems just become bigger and bigger. Sometimes, if those problems get too big, it can be difficult to stay together.

Why Does My Husband Lie To Me About Little Things?

So why do people lie in relationships? And why does your husband lie to you about even the little things like what he watched on TV last night, or even what he got up to at work that day? It will vary from partner to partner, but there are often a number of common and sometimes alarming reasons why your partner will lie to you from time to time - if not all the time.

To Protect Your Feelings

Your partner may have the best intentions at heart when he lies to you about the little stuff. He may feel that by not telling you the truth, then he is actually sparing your feelings in the long run. He may also not feel the need to share the truth with you about any manner of issues going on in his life.

For Ease

Men, on the whole, tend to not want to fight with their other halves. As such, they can often be caught lying as they likely did not tell the truth in the first place as it was easier simply to have lied. For example, if he said he was at work as opposed to the truth - that he was having a boys' night out, he probably did not want to kick up a fuss.

This could be because you would have immediately assumed that a boys' night meant flirting with other women. In situations like this, he probably just lied not to make a big deal out of something that he did not think was an issue.

He Doesn't Want An Argument

He Doesn't Want An Argument

A natural extension of a man’s propensity to lie for an easier life, you may find that your husband does not tell the truth as he simply does not want to cause an argument. The example of a boys' night is pertinent in situations where your husband may be worried that you will get angry with what he is really doing. He may feel that keeping the truth a secret, he is simply saving your relationship a fight.

Is it like pulling teeth getting him to spend time with you?
The key to solving is understanding men on a much deeper emotional level. The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him.

Take this quick quiz to see if he actually likes you!

He Doesn't Respect You

Sadly, men will often lie to a partner when they do not respect their other half. The reason that he does not tell you the truth is that he simply does not feel the need to give you the common courtesy of knowing the full picture. This can be really tough to deal with when you are in a relationship with someone that you love. But it does say a lot about the chances it has of lasting. If he doesn't respect you now, he never will.

He May Want To Break Up

It may sound extreme, but a lying husband can be a clear sign that he does not see the relationship lasting. He is probably lying to you because he doesn't see a future with you as his partner and he hasn't got the energy to tell you the truth that may upset you or cause you pain. His hiding the truth can also be a sign that he has lost respect for you and that is why he is thinking about breaking up.

What Do You Do When Your Husband Lies To You?

Perhaps the key thing to do when you have a husband who is continually lying to you is to up the lines of communication with him and get him talking to you about your worries. In the best circumstances, he will hopefully be completely unaware of the hurt he is causing you and hopefully by hearing what you have to say, he will simply stop therefore and then.

In reality, this won't be so immediate in most relationships. Firstly, it may have become a bad habit of his to lie to you and so he will find it hard to stop doing. Secondly, his lies will have hurt you in a number of ways that you will need to talk through to build up the trust and respect again your relationship.

However, without telling how his actions are making you feel, then there is no chance of your relationship ever being the partnership that you will have wanted it to be. You need to talk to your husband about your worries as quickly as possible - even if it is over very small white lies, but particularly so if you are worried that his is having an affair.

The longer the lies go on, the more damage and harm they may cause.

How Can You Tell If Your Spouse Is Lying?

How Can You Tell If Your Spouse Is Lying?

There are a couple of ways that you can tell if your other half is lying and it is a good idea to keep an eye out for them - especially if you are trying to save your relationship. For starters, he will probably get his details mixed up when talking to you and may well be very vague about points that you question him on. In fact, he will probably get down right defensive if he is lying to you and you are trying to ascertain if he has told you the truth.

Another key way of seeing if your spouse is lying and not telling the truth is that he won't look you in the eye when he is talking to you. They say that body language is actually the biggest conveyer of meaning and this is particularly true if someonee is lying to you. So look out for downcast eyes and if your husband's hands are in his pockets. Hands that are fidgety are also a key indicator of lying and not being able to keep feet still is another.

Why Your Husband Lies And Hides The Truth- The Bottom Line

When your partner lies and keeps the truth from you, and you find out it can be very hurtful and very hard to recover from. This is understandably the case for if he has cheated on you or you think that his lies could mean that he might cheat on you and have an affair.

This is why it is so important to tackle dishonesty in a relationship head on so that any pain that they may cause a partner is minimised in future.

Have you ever been in a relationship with a perpetual liar? And have you ever had a partner that you felt may cheat on you as a result? Leave your comments and thoughts below as we would be happy to help you with other articles and features that we think could provide you with useful information.

Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself?
This doesn't mean he doesn't like you. You have to understand how he is wired. Once you do, you'll find there is a subtle thing you can say that to him that will drastically change how he shows his emotions towards you.

Take this quick quiz that looks at whether he actually likes you or not!

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

19 comments on “Husband Lies And Hides Things? (5 Alarming Reasons Why)”

  1. My husband lies about where hes been, who he is talking to, etc. He would say he just left work when really hes on his way to meet another woman. I believe hes not have sexual encounters but he keeps apps hidden and location off. He talks to other women even when we are on a date.

  2. For 2 years I-have felt felt a deep uneasy feelings, something like a churning in my soul that my husband is keeping from me. I have beg for the truth, I have search for the truth and come across seeing things, watching him get furious when I confront him, and denies,denies,denies. Yet I know he is keeping something or someone from me. I love him with all my soul and heart we been married for ten years. Honestly this like a slow death cause I just long for the truth no matter how much it hurts. Crazy but I rather hurt and see if we can savage the relationship. Really I cannot go on much longer and I just can’t get this off my mind, it consume my every day thoughts and drains the life out of me. He is a good man I know in his heart he doesn’t want to hurt me, however he has to see this is killing me

    1. Omg. Your every words echo my hurts. Your story is mine. I’ve been with my lieing husband for 20 years. It’s so damaging. I am not sure I can emotionally survive this any longer. Feel so isolated and mentally screwed up. Need help so much. He lies Continually and sets me up to try to humiliate me. Is sneaky, manipulative, calculating, Charming. He denies too. Constantly.

    2. I honestly felt like I was reading a letter to myself when i read your comment. I'm slowly dying inside wondering if things will ever change. I do not feel as if they will. I dont understand why he hide so much and when i catch him in lies he gets mad at me like its my fault that he is doing it. Nothing he says makes since. In the begining he was such a great guy and now its like he dont even care how his actions make me feel.

    3. I’m in the same situation. I feel like my husband is hiding something or someone. I find moved items in the seats in our car when he comes home from work, a girl at his work who’ll chase him out of the breakroom (I can see from outside since they have big glass window), and than he says that guy wasn’t him or he doesn’t know her. There have been missing items from the home like my antibiotic medicine, my toddler baby food, etc...makes me feel like the other person has a toddler too or does he have a child that I don’t know off!?! He lies and is very secretive and denies a lot. He will come to tell me about what I think but he has already done it (purchasing lottery ticket secretly). He is hot and cold all the time and always carry his cell phone on him. He plays a lot of cell phone app games. It’s driving me to the point where I’m sick to my stomach. He would tell me I told you about this but it wasn’t me! Idk what to think anymore.

  3. My husband constantly lies to me everyday almost. He even just makes up things that didn't really happen. I've caught him talking to other women online and he still won't stop. His family told me that he has always been that way constantly lying to everyone.

  4. Texts sent to me from my husband on august 15th

    Back at willy s love you

    Its after 5 You are not answering your phone im going home love you

    On august 16th while i was home he was working a side job these texts were sent from his phone to mine

    Laughed at "Back at Willys love you"

    Emphazized "It's after 5, you are not answering your phone. I'm going home. Love you"

    Then his phone called mine And i could hear that he was not near his phone.

    By the time i got there the mocking texts had been deleted from his phone...telling me that they Did not come from his phone...but yet they are on mine still...and also the call made.

    My husband never uses qoutation marks..
    And on the 16th the text stating its after 5...
    Came to my phone at 4:40 pm...not after 5.

    When i ask who sent me these texts he says he does not know. That he had his phone on him the whole time..no one ever uses his phone...
    Also when he sees that his phone has called mine he usually asks if im on the phone...not this time.
    This time he just ended the call.

    Can i get some input please?
    Thank you

    1. You are being MIND FUCKED. He’s cheating on you!!! How long have you been with this dude? He gaslighting you as well. Look up gaslighting on Utube and signs of lying and cheating. Please get away from him! Your better then that and if you don’t eventually “know your worth”, then you will be crushed when he ends up leaving you anyway. There are a million lonely guys that would treat you better!! Until oh get rid of him you can never allow that door to open to meet someone else. He sent you a text message when he doesn’t normally use pronunciation. Then lied and said it wasn’t from his phone. Thats him gaslighting you. I have gone through ALL of this. He’s immature and sounds very narcissistic. I know it’s easier said then done, but you cannot keep thinking you need someone to answer your question. You already know the truth. Be blessed and know your WORTH honey. You’re too good for him!!!

  5. Been dealing with what I believe was an emotional affair for several years. Been to couples therapy several times (he never did the homework, often questioned the therapy session and made fun of the therapist ). I had found texts from a co worker, where I believed some of the texts were inappropriate. Saying he wanted to text her but hesitated. That he always says he has a great time when they go to lunch, dinner or met for drinks. He got drunk and was in the back of her car. When confronted, he said they were just friends. When I asked him to stop texting her, he supposedly did (from personal phone). He travels for business a lot and was given a work cellphone. He carries it every where and checks it constantly. I of course can’t see messages or emails etc on that phone. When I kindly asked her to stop contacting him (while we were in therapy) she got defensive and I later found out he actually called and talked to her for an hour in a half. I confronted both and they both denied it, until I sent my husband a screenshot of phone call information. I was never given any information about our finances ( he keeps all information on a spreadsheet) . When I asked to be involved with our financial information he gave me a hard time about it, but eventually sent me the sheet (once), I also asked to be put on all credit cards,bank accounts etc). He and I argued about how he always puts his job first. Well, he took on a project that sent him to the opposite coast. He called me from the business trip and told me about the opportunity (accepted the project first) and asked for my support. We were having issues of course, so I stated that I wasn’t keen about the idea. I was accused of not being supportive. He took on this project anyway and would be away for two weeks and home one. Recently,of course he had not been able to travel. During one of the times on a business trip he had gone to Las Vegas and lied to me about it when confronted ( google locations connect his personal phone with mine) even after he came home. While cleaning and getting ready for the one vacation week we take each year, I was pulling out our luggage and on the bottom of the bag there was a sticker on it from the flamingo hotel. When asked he lied to me and said he didn’t know how that got there. During therapy he admitted going saying his boss never had been. Well, on vacation I was given a very expensive piece of jewelry ( I rarely where jewelry). He said he got it before leaving on his side trip to Vegas. I asked him if it was a guilt gift because he gave it to me on our trip. He said it was because of the times he had to travel). So cleaning I came across the receipt, it was bought on the day he left Vegas from the airport. Our therapist asked if the charms added meant anything. He said I don’t know the sales lady picked them up. So again I needed to look at our financial information, because I was laid off from my job, we agreed I would go back to college ( I begged for years to go back, even asked for that for a gift on many occasions). So suddenly he agreed to college, fixing the bathroom, and a new more expensive and safer vehicle. He fights me again about said spreadsheet, I asked if he had something to hide ( asked if he was again having an affair). I was accused of not being trusting, and that I need to get past the previous events etc. He finally sent me the spreadsheet and I asked him about checks he wrote out if any where for school, books, doctor appointment etc. Again he becomes defensive and won’t look me in the eyes (same as when he denied going to Vegas). So, I am trying to balance my checkbook book with my bank statement,because he has paid my bills since starting school in September, and me not getting a job. I was put on all the accounts, I went online and set up an account,so I can now keep track of payments. I find one check made out to a woman he works with. I asked him about the amount and he said he had to pay his boss back for the trip to Vegas.His boss is a man. So, questions burning in my mind. Why wasn’t added as an expense to his business card ( meals and entertainment were). And why is it written to a woman he works for (administration). Nothing adds up. When questioned, I get stonewalled, gaslighted, accused of non support, and not having trust. We stopped going to the couples therapy after our vacation and right before Covid, I actually decided to stop because he was never accountable, said he was sorry and was very frustrated with his negativity. He was supposed to go for his own therapy, therapist recommended and refused.
    I feel like I am going crazy, not sure if my intuition is correct. I have been married for 16 years. I feel lost,hurt, betrayed and just looking for a truthful answer. Which with the lies and actions I think I know what the answer is. I am afraid he will never admit to it. I need closure and answers so I can move on toward forgiveness. I always am told by him I focus on the past and need to get over his lies. How can I when we can’t resolve the past issues? I feel like I have been walking on eggshells through this entire marriage.

    1. OMG!!! I am so sorry for you!! I have been in your shoes! All the “crazy making behavior”. You are not crazy honey. You are 100% SANE! By the way, I hate to tell you this but you will NEVER get the closure your looking for. He too is a narcissist. Seems more like a Covert Narcissistic. Yes the gifts 🎁 he gives you or gave you are guilt gifts. He truly does want you, problem with Narc’s is they LOVE having their ego stroked. He will never tell you the truth and he will never give you closure. Everything that is happening to you has already happened to me. I waited for closure, begged for the truth! Was told same as you “what are you smoking now” “I would never cheat on you, what would that make me?” I wanted to believe more then anything just like you. Instead for you (just like me) resentment will set in. You will start distancing yourself without even realizing it. He is a pathological 🤥 liar. Sometimes we need to believe what we “see happening” rather then hang on to what we need to happen (closure). Today I am in the middle of a divorce. I know longer need closure, for in my heart I already know. I have known since day one, my gut was SCREAMING that something is off. He was quiet all the time upon returning from out of town. Said he no longer requires (intimate relations as much as he use to) WHAT?? He was 48!!! He ALWAYS had a gift for me. I remember I felt like I was the luckiest woman in the world! He was a different person. I even screamed from my office, “What am I effin CRAZY??” He came into my office and said I reminded him of what his mother once said to his father, (his father cheated on his mother at the same age which was 48 years old). He looked at the picture of his dad while I’m sitting in the chair and said: “there’s my father, throwing me under the bus.” If he did nothing wrong, why would his father Does this sound like an innocent man to you?? Just after this he said to me “now all I need is a “TROPHY” wife. I couldn’t believe it. I sat there with him and said “ummmm do you realize your talking to your wife???” He said “yes, I meant you...” sure he did. My advise is to get out while you can. If you stay eventually he will start RAGING, meaning scream to the top of his lungs in your face when you question him, in an attempt to silence you. This is a form of intimidation, also when I started walking on eggshells. Then I warned him, if he does it again I will have him removed. He didn’t listen and I got a restraining order on him. Eventually everything he ever thought positive of me, became negative. Please do yourself a favor, GET OUT NOW, divorce him. Otherwise your whole demeanor will change to an unhappy you, no matter how hard you try not to. If you can, try to gather proof especially the part where he made a check out to some unknown woman and lied to you. I never had full blown truth from either one of them. But I knew. You will pick up little things. I demanded he come back into town and he did, but things were never the same. I’m 56, if I can do it with a completely broken heart, you can do it. What’s the point of being with someone when your still alone anyway. If you need any more advise, help, or just someone to talk to feel free to email me, [email protected]. Blessings to you and I truly wish you the best!!

  6. My husband has been consistently lieing to in the 27 yrs we're together he was always talking about his ex when we were dating and was seeing her for a few months when we got married, he lied to me about the house we were to build and let his mother build it instead on her land,nothing is sacred in our marriage, she knows everything about us, our children etc,he smokes like a chimney and denys this, I think he should write a book of lies to tell your partner or anyone you have to lie to in any given situation because he comes out with some really good ones, he's quite stupid, he actually thinks I believe anything he's says. I indeed resent him greatly, the mare sight of him turns my stomach.

  7. My husband constantly tells petty lies like.... I didn’t see the dishes in the sink or I would have washed them... we live in a 41’ travel trailer - I ask him why he didn’t put something in trash instead of on counter or table that I let set there 2 days waiting and he says I was gonna throw it away... knowing he had no plan to... he lied to me about a ex wife who was in a accident when they was married and said she was pregnant- he knew she wasn’t pregnant.... his mother told me she didn’t die and she wasn’t pregnant—— he lies about fishing he caught when I don’t go..... he tells me he caught and had on stringer but he threw them back.... I know better——I can ask him if he done something and he will tell me I didn’t do it and we are the only 2 people in our home—— I can see him do something and ask him why he done that and he will say I didn’t do it...... he changed his passcode on his phone and he lied and said he didn’t..... then he said my phone made me changed it because he forgot his other one ... it was a lie because he has used same passcode for 3yrs ——- he always has excuses and lies for everything even when there is no reason . He is 50 will it ever stop ? That’s just some of the things, it’s a daily thing for him.

    1. Typical gaslighting cheater! Google gaslighting, you might see a picture of him. Why do you stay? He gets away with it because “HE CAN”. You sound Ike a wonderful person. Gather the courage to know your worth an leave his crazy making behavior A$$!!! He’s a pathological liar and will never change. I will pray that god somehow gives you the strength to move on. Good luck to you!!

  8. My husband lies about money. It’s almost always associated with his adult daughter. He surprises me instead of giving me warning. How do I get it through his head it’s not ok to lie to me and be dishonest and disrespectful. He puts our bills and life second. I can’t take it anymore and I’m not sure what to do. He owes me near $60k. Let me know your thoughts.

  9. I’ve found so many things and each one my husband has had an answer for but they are obvious lies , too many plot holes. The first thing I found a text message to a prostitute on his old phone which was dead in a drawer so I charged it and looked at his messages (why? I don’t know why, perhaps I already felt insecure and not fully trusting),., as I scrolled his old messages I came across a random number and the first thing I saw in it was “what else do you do in sex”, this woman who I guess was a prostitute said I’ve already told you 5 times and in those 5 times you never come so stop texting me... he then said “I’ll come on Monday”. The message was already about 3 years old when I read it, and the pain I felt was unbearable. I probably did the wrong thing but I rang him up straight away, raging. When he answered I questioned him about it and you know what his answer was? “I don’t know, it wasn’t me, I don’t know who wrote those messages”... are you kidding me??? He would NOT admit it was him. He then pulled the “don’t you trust me?and “how could I ever do that to you” I couldn’t get him to admit it, and I was so desperate to believe him I let it go but never forgot about it.
    A while later he said he was going somewhere on a trip with his friends, a specific town and would be home in the evening. Anyway, he didn’t come home. Texted me at 7pm that his battery is dying. his phone was off all night and he didn’t come home. This was so unlike him and he’s never done this to me before or since . I was so worried I didn’t get a wink of sleep. He rang me up the following morning around 10am explain some story about the car breaking down and another friend having to rescue them etc. I was suspicious. It didn’t feel right. It wasn’t for a further 2 years later that I was on his google email and found a link that took me to his google location tracker that tracked his phone constantly. I didn’t even know that was a thing! So I naturally remembered that night he went “missing” and searched it, and my heart stopped when I saw he was in a completely different location to what he told me! So I gave him the silent treatment without explanation and when he asked me why I confronted him. He went quiet and hung his head, not looking me in the eye, and said he can’t tell me, it was something to do with his friend and he was “sworn to secrecy “ and would have to ask his friend for his permission to tell me. ... I guess this bought him some time! Anyway, days passed and I reminded him about it. So he then told me that his friend (who isn’t a native here) was getting married for a visa and wanted a couple of friends to be there with him. And that this friend married this woman in that town. None of it made any sense and I noticed on the google tracker that they didn’t go anywhere near the registry office!!! It showed this pne particular house abs a few trips to the supermarket and Mac Donald’s. So no answers there either. I wish I saved the details of that house, unfortunate I didn’t and he deleted the tracker thing and turned it off on his phone. Says a lot.
    I found a pack of condoms in his car last year. One was missing so I assume it had been used. When I asked him he said that he lent them to his friend (as he used to own a shop) and his friend used one and returned it to him. I call bull**** yet again.
    Then there was the time I found he had been on dating apps and chatting to different girls asking to meet them, and when I asked him he said his friends were doing it for a joke and that he asked them to delete it... why would his friends do that? Yet again a load of bull .
    It might not sound like it but amongst all of this our relationship has been good, with many great times shared. However all of these discoveries I’ve come across are killing that passion inside me and trust. I often just push it down and deny it happened but then it all comes to the surface again. It’s easy to say leave him etc. But after 12 years of marriage and no kids it’s really hard to imagine being alone and starting all over again.

  10. I honestly thought I was alone in this....but that is what these men want us to think. They want us to question our sanity. After reading all of your testimonies , I am validated. I am not crazy. I did not imagine any if it , and no he won’t ever be honest. So what am I here for? Waiting on closure for things I know I won’t want to really find out.
    It’s like we are all married to the same man...... Wow!

  11. My husband is having an affair and he is denying it. I don't want to believe it so i am in denial to. I want a divorce but don't know how to go about it.

  12. I have been with my partner for 8 years he got engaged to me this year and 3 months later I found out he has been lying about smoking cigarettes for 2 years, and smoking a joint. We went through this at the beginning of our relationship, he tried to hide things from me but I found out and then gave him a chance to rebuild the trust. Now it's a repeat, he once again decided not to respect my boundaries. I never saw this coming. He has also been over spending on a credit card he didn't want me to have access too, after we agreed to be transparent with our finances. I feel so betrayed and disgusted. I am questioning EVERYTHING, I am wondering if he is capable of infidelity or anything that is selfish and inconsiderate, disrespectful. I asked him about other things and he denies. I just dont trust anything that comes out of his mouth. I thought we told eachother everything and that he was the love of my life. I am sick to my stomach. He works out of town 2 weeks rotation. This was hard enough on me I really had to trust him with my life to allow him to work this schedule without being on his back. And he abused his time away by hidding things from me, like he has a double life, one where he made me see the man I loved and then another where he does whatever he wants, doesn't consider me, doesn't think about the major damage this is doing to our foundation. Very stupid if you ask me.
    I have no way of understanding this behaviour, it is not love.
    What a bad experience. I can't imagine those who have been cheated on. But I might be one of them I just don't know it yet. It's the betrayal, and the madness it creates. The hurt. And he had the heart to tell me what what he did was not extreme. OK sure
    Sharing love, strength and support to all who have been lied and betrayed to by the one they love

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