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Dating a Broken Man: 10 Things You Should Know

Last updated on June 14, 2022 by Sonya Schwartz

Do you suspect you’re dating a man who has been emotionally damaged?

Is this something you’d prefer to avoid? 

Would you like to know the signs that this person has been significantly hurt in the past? 

If so, you’re in the right place. This guide reveals the five signs you’re dating an emotionally damaged man, plus what you can expect if you choose to pursue this romance. 

However, before we dive into this guide, it’s important you read the next few sentences carefully.

I want to tell you about a little-known aspect of male psychology, which has a huge impact on how they perceive their romantic partners. 

It’s called the ‘Hero’s Instinct’.

By learning how to trigger this, you can release deep feelings of pride, meaning and purpose inside a man. 

It’s a great skill to help men feel emotionally closer to you, and this could be particularly important if you’re dating an emotionally fragile man. 

Before I discovered this deeply primal male instinct, I found it terribly difficult to find a man who was willing to show love and affection to me. Now, it’s a lot easier to develop deep loving relationships (read my personal story to learn more).

This is a simple skill to learn, yet so few people seem to know about it. By learning how to do this, you can make your partners feel like no other woman can. 

If you’re looking for more fulfilling relationships, I’d urge you to learn how I discovered the power of the ‘Hero’s Instinct’

This will make it so much easier to bond with an emotionally fragile man. 

The advice below will also help you know what to expect in this situation.

The first thing we need to do is define what makes a broken man. When we talk about a broken man, we are talking about a man that has either been emotionally damaged or had their heartbroken. It doesn't always necessarily mean that a woman in a romantic relationship has caused him emotional pain, although that is the most obvious explanation, anyone could have caused it.

5 Signs of A Broken Man

Before we jump into talking about the things you should know when dating a broken man, we need to look at the characteristics of a broken person. You might not be sure if you're dating a broken man, so hopefully, these signs will help you to figure it out. Take a look at the signs of an emotionally broken man below - if the guy you're dating is showing a lot of these signs, he could be damaged emotionally.

He's Not Confident

He's Not Confident

If the guy you're dating comes across that's he lacking in confidence, it could be because he's been broken down so much that he no longer believes in himself. He might even doubt the fact that you're interested in him.

He Pushes You Away

When someone has been hurt badly before, they tend to assume that everyone they are interested in will also, at some point, hurt them. Therefore, they will self-sabotage any budding relationship because they are too scared of being hurt again.

He Might Not Open Up

He Might Not Open Up

When someone has been hurt badly before, they will constantly be trying to protect themselves, without even realizing it. He won't be open with you and will be shady about personal details because he won't trust you. It will take a lot of time for someone that's broken to have full trust in you and open up.

He's Sensitive

If you say anything, even as a joke, that's negative about this guy, he will get upset. Something that you might think as funny might seriously insult this guy, especially if it's about him, his past or relationship problems in general - anything can bring up triggers.

He's Quiet

If this guy is extremely quiet and reserved, it could be because he's dealing with so many emotions in his head that he is drowning in internal noise. and therefore doesn't want to speak a lot or be in loud places. In addition to this, if he has a problem with something you have said, he will keep quiet about it rather than talking to you about it, because he doesn't have the confidence to.

10 Things You Should Know About Dating a Broken Man

1. It Will Be Hard For You

Dating someone that's emotionally damaged can be really exhausting, and it requires a lot of hard work and perseverance. You will have to be careful about pretty much everything you say so that you don't upset him or trigger any past trauma. You will have to try exceptionally hard to gain his trust and open up to you. You will have to make the majority of the effort between you, because he won't, due to not wanting to put himself in a vulnerable position where he could get rejected. You will need to continuously reassure this guy that you're not going anywhere. In addition, this guy might have mental health issues that have been triggered by the emotional damage that has been caused to him, so you might have to try and handle his anxiety or/and depression.

Is it like pulling teeth getting him to spend time with you?
The key to solving is understanding men on a much deeper emotional level. The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him.

Take this quick quiz to see if he actually likes you!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that making all of this effort isn't worth it - it definitely is. It's amazing to have helped him grow and heal. Although you do need to make sure that you feel like you might fall in love with this person, and you need to be certain about having a relationship with them - if you leave them after a while, their emotional damage might get worse.

2. He Might Seem Controlling

2. He Might Seem Controlling

Not all broken men will be controlling, but some of them will be because they won't have trust in you. This is definitely the case for a man that has been damaged due to a woman being unfaithful to him. He will want to try and control you so he knows you can't hurt him. He might be interested in knowing where you are, who you're with and simply why you aren't with him. Although you do have to understand that he has been hurt in the past, you need to make him aware that him trying to control you isn't going to work. You can be understanding, but do not let yourself be controlled by him, because then his emotional damage passes on to you. If you start to feel uncomfortable about how he is treating you, you need to tell him.

You can try and assure him that you are going to be faithful, and if that doesn't get through to him you can simply tell him that if he tries to control you, you will definitely leave him because it doesn't feel right. You can try to sit down and explain to him the reasons you think he is trying to be controlling - he might actually open up, and stop trying to control the relationship between you.

3. He Won't Give You A Second Chance If You Mess Up

A broken man will be unbelievably protective over himself, even if he doesn't realize he is. Therefore, he will only ever give you one chance to love him. If you mess up this one chance and he sees you showing any red flags, he will leave and never come back. The particular red flags that the man you're dating will depend on what he has been through and what damaged him so much in the first place. For example, if all of his previous romantic partners cheated on him, even if you tell a small lie, he will leave you as soon as he finds out.

This is one thing you really need to respect - why should he give you a second chance if you mess it up? You shouldn't mess up any relationships and ask for a second chance, especially not one with a man that has been emotionally damaged before. As long as you don't mess it up, it will all be fine. So, don't let any mistakes or stupidity get in the way of what could potentially turn to love.

4. He Might Not Be As Romantic As Other People, Not Straight Away Anyway

4. He Might Not Be As Romantic As Other People, Not Straight Away Anyway

A man that's been seriously hurt in the past will be terrified of getting hurt in love, and therefore he might not act as romantically as other people you have previously dated straight away. A broken man will be nervous about showing affection towards you, being romantic to you and being open with you, because he will be scared that you're going to leave and he'll have opened his heart for no reason.

However, if you stick with this guy and earn his trust, you might come to realize that he is even more romantic than other men have ever been with you. When he does open up to you and when your relationship is going from strength to strength, he will show you a beautiful, romantic display of love, because not only does he love you, but he is also grateful that you stuck with him.

It can help him to feel more romantic and become more open if you make the first few romantic moves. If you're not usually the first person to show an appreciation of love first, it might bring you out of your comfort zone and you might love it - it will feel great.

5. He Will Try To Sabotage The Relationship

When you're dating a broken man, you need to be aware that he will try to sabotage the relationship. He might intentionally try to do this, and it might be his subconscious doing it, but it will most likely happen. You need to be aware that this man could try to ruin things for both of you a lot, even if he wants a romantic relationship with you. His attempts at sabotaging the relationship are just another way to protect himself from being hurt.

Unfortunately, the more in love with you he falls, the more doubts will come into his mind about the relationship going forward. The moment he realizes he is falling in love, he also realizes that you have the power to hurt him. At the point he realizes this, he might start to doubt the relationship, freak out and try to distance himself from you.

You need to always be prepared that this man might try to sabotage your relationship at any point. However, after you have been in a steady relationship together for a while and you both share in love, he should feel more settled and become more open with you, so then when he feels he is going to try and sabotage the relationship, he can talk to you about it instead of run away with no explanation.

6. He Will Want To Keep His Own Life Private

6. He Will Want To Keep His Own Life Private

A broken man will want to keep his own life very private when he first starts to date you Although other men might be excited to get your round to their place, invite you to meet their friends and get involved with their daily life, a broken man will move a lot more slowly. A broken man doesn't want to invite you into his life if he thinks you are just going to leave, so it might take some time until you are invited to be a part of his life, friends, and family.

In addition to this, a broken man will probably have his own place, and this is where he feels comfortable and safe. He has created a space that is just for him, and him only. You should really respect that he is only trying to protect himself, and he doesn't want his safe space to be a place of ill-feeling. Even if that's clearly not what you're planning to do, he doesn't know that. You shouldn't push your way into visiting his place or pressure him into including you in his private life too quickly because it could scare him and make him even more introverted. This also applies to your private life - he might not want to get too involved in your life until he knows he is certain about where the relationship is going. Once he has taken some time and feels he is able to trust you, he will invite you in to be part of his life - this is normally when he is falling in love with you.

7. He Might Not Tell You Why He Is Emotionally Damaged

You have to understand that a broken man might not tell you why is emotionally damaged. As much as you might want to know what happened to him, so you can understand fully what affected him so much, you might not find out for a long time, or you may never know. Sometimes, when bad things happen to people, especially when it concerns the heart, they don't want to discuss it because it just brings up trauma that they are trying to work through.

Once he has been your man for a while, he might open up to you and tell you the details of how he became damaged. This takes a lot of courage for broken men and therefore if he ever tells you, you need to ensure you are as understanding as possible. Never use what he has told you against him. Try to simply understand what he has told you, care for him and comfort him.

Regardless of whether this guy ever tells you or doesn't tell you how his heart got damaged, in a way, it doesn't matter because you will never know the full story, as you weren't there. The most you can do is try to help him heal by showing love - we will touch on that more later on.

8. He Will Have Low Self Confidence

When someone has been broken down repeatedly by other people or had their heart broken in a really horrible way they will have less confidence than others. Perhaps the man you're dating was previously in an abusive relationship with a romantic partner or parent - if so, he will have very low self-confidence. In abusive relationships, the victim is constantly put down and criticized. If this behavior lasts for a prolonged period of time, the victim starts to genuinely believe that they aren't worthy of love because there's something wrong with them. They will move into a state of seriously low self-confidence, and low self-esteem.

Even if the man your dating wasn't in an abusive type of relationship, even a bad breakup or being cheated on can generate low self-confidence. Then, when you come along and start dating him, he genuinely won't be able to believe that someone wants to get to know him for the person he is, so he will find it very confusing. You might find that you have to reassure him of the fact you like him a lot or listen to him question why you're even with him.

The only thing you can do to improve this man's self-confidence is to try and make him see how amazing he is - makes him see himself through your eyes. It will be the best feeling when you start to see this man getting more self-confident, and knowing you probably had a lot to do with that.

9. He Isn't A Project For You To Work On

For some reason, a lot of women see damaged men as a specific group of men that are very attractive. This might have something to do with the fact that women naturally want to help and make things better. However, it's really disturbing to think that a woman would consciously choose to date an emotionally broken man, because she can try to make things better, and fix him. It's like the emotionally damaged man has been romanticized.

Although you might want to help this man, you should want to help him because you love him and you're trying to make things better for him, not because you think it's exciting to have an emotionally damaged man to try and take care of and fix.

10. Through Love, You Can Help Him To Heal

10. Through Love, You Can Help Him To Heal

Although you should never choose to be with someone because of the fact that they are broken, if you are truly falling in love with a damaged man, you can help him to heal. If you decide to stick with a man that's damaged, you can be crucial to his recovery by showing him the care and love his heart needs. You may be able to make things better for this man in a big way. You may be able to help a broken man in a variety of ways, but just be aware that it always takes time for a broken man to let other people take care of them and show them love.

One of the best things you can do is simply be there for him. Listen to him, respect what he has to say and allow him to open up to you if he thinks it will make things better. You can also simply show him that he has made your life better, and you want to make his life better with your love and care. If you think it may be beneficial, depending on what you know about what happened that caused him emotional damage, you may suggest he speak to a professional. You can even show extra care, and let him know that you are happy to go with him. You are best to tread lightly when it comes to something as sensitive as this, as he may not want to go and talk to other people about his issues.

It can be one of the best feelings in the world to know that you have helped someone by simply showing them love and care.


I really hope this article helped you to not only figure out what the signs of a broken-hearted man are but also what you should expect if you are dating a broken man. Hopefully, now you will know exactly how to spot a broken man, know exactly what to expect from dating broken men and know exactly how to handle it if you start to fall in love with one.

Did you like this article on broken men? If you did, please let us know in the comments.

Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself?
This doesn't mean he doesn't like you. You have to understand how he is wired. Once you do, you'll find there is a subtle thing you can say that to him that will drastically change how he shows his emotions towards you.

Take this quick quiz that looks at whether he actually likes you or not!

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

26 comments on “Dating a Broken Man: 10 Things You Should Know”

  1. I am married to a broken man and everything in this article is so real. I have been through so much with him

    1. I am marrying a broken man... This is all real... Its slightly different because im broken too but we help heal eachother its beautiful

  2. The article was insightful and offered a lot of tips to point out if a man is broken. However, it felt as if the burden to fix him relies on the woman.

    This type of relationship is draining and there's no guarantee that this broken man will heal and stay with you once you've endured all of this emotional and mental anguish. In my opinion, after doing all of this the woman for sure will be broken; heart broken and in need of therapy.

    1. I totally agree, I feel like we are better off walking away from a situation like this. Unfortunately I'm coming across this article too late, almost 5 years into a relationship. We also have a son who just turned 3. My reason for commenting here is so I can help anyone reading this who may be just discovering they are involved with someone who has not yet healed from their past. If you haven't gotten too far deep as I have please take take the time to read this and save yourself. I can tell you first-hand that it does not get better, if it did I wouldn't be reading this article. I too saw "red flags" in the beginning (assuming you have too by being here) and I made the mistake of thinking I could help him. This of course didn't show up in any way that seemed to be connected to his past relationships but there were other things that seemed off. He was very quick (and still has been in the recent past) to quickly tell me I can leave after a small disagreement. He was also very controlling and would accuse me of cheating after missing calls when I was in the shower. Just very insecure all around. It didn't seem like too big of a deal at the time but things took a turn for the worse. This eventually lead to him insulting me any way he could, outright refusal to discuss any issue involving our relationship (stonewalling), complete inability to accept responsibility for his actions or lack thereof, blaming me when things go wrong, conveniently forgetting hurtful things he says or does (extreme gaslighting), and the list could literally go on. If you find yourself at any point doubting what is happening please stop and ask yourself this "How much could this man possibly invest in me if he is still living in the past?"
      Trust me, you will see glimmers of hope, I know I certainly have but that feeling like he's holding back will never change! I am currently in the process of deciding what my next move is and he's well aware of this. It should never have to come to the point where your absence makes him think about your value! He should already be fully in with all he has got and if he's not you will never feel fulfilled! Please don't be like me, don't allow any man to get so close to destroying you! I am a strong woman, I always said it would never be me, I never thought I would be put in this position but it happens! It is a slow painful process and before you know it you have suffered tremendously! Finding out this was the root of everything almost 5 years later is extremely painful! I've invested so much of myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually to this man! None of which has been reciprocated! This after 2 years of couples counseling! It doesn't change, it doesn't get better, and it will get dangerously close to destroying you! If you still think you can help him after this then please do something I wish I had and very directly ask him if he is still energetically connected to past relationships. It seems like such an uncomfortable weird thing to do but if he still has feelings/thoughts/hope that doesn't involve you, you owe it to yourself to find out sooner than later. I'll close with this, I confused this all with codependency, narcissism, and attachment issues and yes I'm sure this could be a small part of it but it was not the root of the problem. Find out now while you have a chance to take a shortcut and save yourself from the deep pain this will inevitably cause you later as you're taken down a long painful journey of finding out someone you dreamed of sharing everything with was only wasting your time and wasn't nearly as invested as you. Having to give someone an ultimatum does not have to be your future, asking someone if they love you does not have to be your future. If marriage is what you ultimately want, speak your mind now and make sure your motives align. Best of luck to you all.

      1. Wow! That was so good! You said everything and I mean everything that I’ve been think and not knowing how to put on paper. I read a book on Passive Aggressive Covert Narcissism and he fit but I truly believe it stems from another source. Thank you for sharing!

      2. I have been in a relationship like this but not just 5 years but 12. I am just starting to realize that regardless of my effort to help him or show that i can be trusted and i really do care about him it seems that he still is closed and won't let anyone in even me with all of my dedication for all those years. Unfortunately even with my mountains of investment I am left with no choice but to cut my losses and leave a one sided relationship out of respect for myself. And this puts him right back at square one. I really cared for him. I was in it for the long haul. I wasn't there just to 'fix' him. I wanted that beautiful healed heart and beautiful romance that could blossom from that and create a strong bond and tender and deep relationship that we both could enjoy. But what was he thinking? No reasoning would reach him. I couldn't do it anymore.

      3. Hi Jennifer, I read your whole response, I am dating a broken man, some of what you say is true, I have also dated and was married to a Narcissist, and your situation sounds spot on to a Narcissistic relationship. My broken man Never gaslights me, when we go into any conversation on getting further into a relationship which last year he wouldn't even go there, this year, he has commented, you know I don't know if I can fall in love again, or love, but then he opens up to me about all of his fears in life. And I reassure him because I know he loves me, that he is ok, just be ok with the moment I am not going anywhere. 2 days ago was the first time I actually experienced some jealousy, the 2nd time in the almost 5 years we have been together and when I reassured him who I was speaking to he felt better. He's pulling away today but I finally get it so I let him be, every year he opens up more and more, when I think I am being ghosted I will say something, call him or text him and ask him he will contact me right away and say I am sorry I am just stressed out and need some space but I'm not ignoring you I promise.

        I am a broken woman dating a broken man also working on myself, so I get it, I understand. It seems much harder for a broken man to recover then a broken woman sometimes when it comes to abuse, and he was crushed by a woman and he told me no one will ever do that again. Unfortunately I didn't realize how broken he was, I thought I was only a booty call for about 3 years, but things have changed quite a bit for us. He still tries to sabotage us all the time and I realize ah, he's goin through his phase and I let him be and just let him see me happy or working on myself which always inspires him to be a better man and he comes back when I pull away. I use to cry, but I don't anymore, I just focus on me. Because I realize he is just a broken man trying to put his pieces back together like I am, and I decided to let him be a man so that when we grow old together he will one day be the man I need even if it takes a few more years. Because he has never opened up to any other woman as much as he has opened to me. In our heated discussion the other day he finally shouted out, I have nothing here, just you and my best friend Billy, there is nothing for me here but I'll try. Then I realized wow, I could have taken that a couple ways. Then he mentioned we have been hanging out like this for 5 years, and I replied its ok, we can do it for another 5 years if you want, I just don't want to see you move but I want you to be happy even if that means letting you go, and he opened up to me and said I am not moving to Nashville yet or if at all, let's see if I can get this Job or not. Either way, he left me before and moved to Nashville a few times and he keeps driving back to see me, I can feel him before he call's, I can sense him when he's thinking about me. He's been calling me for 11 years now before we hooked up, just singing my name. A man who knows what I wore 11 years ago, a man who knows every hair style I ever had, hair color, lied to me and said he doesn't have photos of me and erases every photo I send, yet when he's drunk brags how his friends are so jealous of him and call's all his buddies and has me talk to them. The article is spot on. It does take time to get a broken man, it's been a total of 11 years for us since we first met, 8 years ago when we first kissed but 5 years, where we spend more and more time with each other. Now its not about the sex, he loves just hanging out and talking, sometimes walking, listening to music, watching movies and videos, writing songs together, singing together, walking, driving, and have me drive his car, stay where ever he lives. But we are just hanging out he call's it. And I just say OK even when he pulls away. He once warned me a few years ago and said he wanted a Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russel Relationship. It was then I said DAMN I guess I know what I am getting now. And every day I ask myself do I wanna stay with him? and unfortunately it's too late for me because I love my Broken man and he never has to say I love you because I know he does. He constantly compares me to his mother the only woman he loves on this planet. Thank you for the article.

    2. You're the types of women that men like me despise in the first place. Your selfish! To you women, us men are just robots that can your bullshit and cruelty; or that's what you expect. You don't see us as human beings, and all we want is for you to talk to us and treat us as humans. Just simple kindness is all it takes ladies; no false judgements. Just because you all think shallow, sex hungry d-bags equal the "Alpha Male," doesn't mean we're all that way. It's you all that are the problem; not us.

      1. My husband has been through a tremendous anount of pain and bullshit... Ive been loving and nurturing and caring for 6 years now hes marrying me on haloween.we still have issues and im still patient and loving with hime. Im not gonna give up on him because he needs me and i need him. Dont group all women with the ones thay cant see the goodnes in their men.

    3. This is true. I married a Saint, strongest person I've ever met and I still managed to crush her spirit. She is the only person in this world that knows and understands my pain. She gained weight from the stress of me,I eventually lost all physical attraction even though I loved her with all my heart. We already had a child. I thought well sex and physical attraction that's unimportant, look who she is how much she loves me. But in the end sex and intimacy is important. More than 10yrs went by no sex no intimacy. I started to become bitter inside and started to blame her. I became an asshole and in return she turned into a "hard" woman in the end she protected herself and left. Because of all of this we have a son thats seen nothing but pain and anguish. Never seen what its like to have two parents in love. My wife endured 20 yrs trying to heal me. Im not healed at all. Not even a little bit.
      For my wife and sons sake i wish I never met my wife, I wish I could go back to being alone and broken. I fantasize about disappearing, they would hurt at first but if im gone, there's a better chance they can be truly happy.
      Dont be a hero. Its honourable but futile, some men are too damaged, too broken. Be wary, and think twice before bringing children into it. I love her and my son wish them the greatest level of happiness.
      I hope this helps someone.
      By the way im not broken from a woman. Im broken thru abuse and neglect growing up. Parents,caregivers,teachers in the 80's and 90's

  3. Those characteristics belong to a guy far smarter than a woman. He's got his stuff together and doesn't need, want, or like her screwing it up. Women are do egotistical to think that they are needed, magical, or any of that other psycho-babble crap.

    1. wow, you are so wrong! Everyone, women and men, no one should have to grow old alone or die alone! You can have your cake and eat it too if ya know how to make sure there is frosting on the Cake TO LICK! No one is ever NEEDED but men like this WANT, TRUE LOVE TOO. They are just extra damn Picky about the women they hang with! Because they want to have a full life just like MOST OF US WOMEN WHO HAVE A LIFE AND DON'T NEED A MAN. But I Want to be Attracted to the Man I want and I want to continue to have a full life! I don't want to be anyone's MOMMY either!

      And I have known mine for 11 years and we have been hanging out for 5 years exclusive. Sometimes a Broken Man needs to do his thing and find himself before he settles down with the woman he WANTS. Damn you Negative men! NO WHERE IN THIS ARTICLE DOES THE WRITER STATE A Broken Man NEEDS a Woman. She was telling us what to expect and how to be in a relationship with one, NEVER TRY TO FIX A MAN WHO IS HURTING, ESPECIALLY A BROKEN MAN, LET HIM FIX HIMSELF AND REASSURE HIM YOU HAVE GOT HIS BACK IF HE NEEDS YOU. Dang! Where did you guys come from? DO YOU WANT TO BE LONELY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? Or do you MEN WANT TO FIND A COOL AWESOME WOMAN WHO HAS YOUR BACK THAT YOU WANT AROUND AND TO HANG OUT WITH? NOTHING LIKE A BUNCH OF GRUMPY OLD MEN, UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

      1. You are so right maria. I will not say that the writer of the blog is wrong, she's right in a lot of ways. Maria, I agree with you when you say that you cannot fix a man or change a man, you can only encourage him, stand by him, or be the reason he wants to get better.

        Being with a broken man is a really hard thing to do, but I will advice that women should stick to a broken man who knows his situation and is ready and trying to fix himself, mostly because of his self and because of your relationship. The process isn't ever easy, but it is very Worth at the end of the day, just like what the writer has written.

        Now what I really do not agree with is the hero instinct. It doesn't work for all men. I'll give an instance of an emotionally damaged man who is fighting against depression/anxiety. The hero instincts will not necessarily work. This is because the man is trying to heal, what the hero instinct might do is to force him to be committed to a relationship he is not ready to be in because he is scared he might fuck things up. It doesn't mean he doesn't want to be committed or isn't taking you seriously, he might even love and cherish you more than he shows and more than you show, he's just too scared to sabotage it.

        NOTE: Being with a broken man can frustrate you so much and if you're not careful, you might end by hurting yourself more than you thought.

  4. Whoa, I'm in a 4 month relationship with my boyfriend and we had a big fight for the second time of which he started with me for no absolute reason. Now, reading all these signs made me realize that he is emotionally damaged. I was guessing all along anyway. I'm ACTU getting emotionally drained. I give him everything I can give him. I don't even let him feel that I'm not with him in anything at all. But he always finds a way to just belittle me and he doesn't even see this. I apologize so much to avoid any fight. He was even doubting me at son point and said I was cheating on him. Even though we are in a long distance relationship. But I assured and reassured him but recently, his aggressive behavior keeps recurring. I was scared at some point because he recently started raising his voice at me. Please I need advice. He seems like a good guy when he is not aggressive. He just doesn't have patience when he gets irritated at my attitude sometimes

  5. It is unfortunate but broken men cannot heal - they come in 2 types broken by divorce and broken from birth - neither will ever be able to love another human being ever.

    1. As a someone who is aware they are broken man, big "ooooft" at this comment. 31 now I have been cheated on by the two women I had a relationships with and abandoned by my mother who ran off with another man while I was going through cancer treatment in my teens, good to know I will never love again thanks Beth. 🙂

      1. Hi, Sam,

        I don’t know about that. I believe it’s possible to love again. They say that women heal quicker in matters of the heart but men love deeper when they find the right person. As a woman, I’ve been broken multiple times: physically abusive boyfriend out of high school; husband/father of my kids turned out to be a pedophile; and my last long relationship, my husband was verbally and emotionally abusive when drunk (every single weekend, all weekend). I’ve been through most relationship hells, but here I am, in a relationship with a man who had his heart torn out and tortured by his ex gf. But I love him. And I stand by him to help him heal from her, regardless of if he will ever love me back. If nothing else, I supported a good man on his road to recovery from severe heartbreak and he will always have a special place in my heart, even if he never says “I love you.”

        One day, I believe you will find love again. Be cautious, but remind yourself often that you are worthy of love from the right woman. Don’t settle quickly, look for red flags, stay away from women like your exes. And keep your head up. There is always hope.

      2. Sam, take time to heal, good women are out here, many of us have stories like yours. Both Men and Women have suffered like you. Lots of cruel people in this world. The right woman will find you, the writer just told us what to expect, that men like you are hurting and just to be patient, let you be you, don't try to change you. You will love again, it is possible, just love the right woman, you'll know next time. It takes time to heal, you have been through a lot of Trauma, the next time you are with someone, just make sure that woman actually listens to you and she makes you smile low maintenance and has her own full life. You have had some bad relationships now you know what you don't want and what you do want. Be well and Merry Christmas. Things will work out for you.

  6. Hey girls out there I just want to let you know, that there are a lot more broken people out there that are also very open, and might have a taste that is out of his league because that's his taste, and also, some broken men like me tend to talk all the time and want to get to know more and more people, but he can't get too close because it will have gotten worse, if something were to happen. Keep that in mind.

  7. I’m going thru this rn. I was seein this guy. I’ve come to the realisation that unfortunate He’s a fuckboy. He jus wants to mess about w me. Bare in mind this person is very old school mindset. He is 24 and wants to get married around 30 to any girl back home in Kurdistan rather than a western girl here in London. We were seein each other for a few weeks & he knew I was lookin for something serious. We would speak everyday. After our second meet up he started acting distant sayin there’s “family issues”. We ended things after I couldn’t take the mixed signals anymore and he told me he isn’t looking for a relationship because of the “family issues”. Furthermore, from the things he posts on his whatsapp such as on his dp and status, I’ve gathered he is Damaged because he has been heartbroken & still hasn’t healed. On top of this, he has gone to prison and that has deeply affected Him negatively. I have come to this conclusion as he puts up heartbroken quotes and sad videos and songs in his language on his whatsapp which I always get translated. So no one can say he is lying about being heartbroken to me or attention seeking as I have figured it all out myself by going out of my way to get these translated. Anyway, he then comes back into my life as if nothing has happened. He asks me where I am and how he wants to see me. Typical f boy behaviour. The only difference here is he is admitting to me that he doesn’t want a relationship and just wants to hook up w me. I told him that isn’t something I can do & that I’ve figured him out and Ik he is heartbroken and damaged bc of prison. He admitted that I am right about my findings, yet still kept trying to hook up w me. I told him it will not help
    Him in any way to hook up with him and instead I want to be there for him to fix him. To show hi care and love and affection. That not all girls will hurt him. But he told me he doesn’t want love. And can I just add he speaks to me very disrespectfully and he is always serious on the phone no personality so hard hearted. Whereas when I first met him he never came across this way. He did everything to win me over. My theory is after the second meet up, he felt closer to me. I definitely did. So I think he got scared and saw we were becoming more serious therefore he distanced and ended things and hurt me before he could. I just have no idea what to do. We are over right now bc all he wants to do is hook up and that isn’t something I can do. If I were to see him again I will get attached to him and I will be broken the next time he decides to distance himself from me and leave and hurt me. It’s just very hard for me thou as I want to help him and he knows that but he isn’t wanting the help. As a friend I want to help as if we are thinking long term, he isn’t compatible for me as a husband. So if ur wondering why I want to help , it’s just because there is still that care and attention there. I’m just worried that if he asks me to meet him I probably would. Not because I want to hook up because I’m not that type of girl. That is something I’ve never beeen into. I would be meeting him because I’m attached and because I still have that hope in him that I can change him. That if I show him my love and care that he can change and fall in love w me or even if he doesn’t fall in love w me thas fine Cos i don’t see him long term anyway unless he has a complete personality change. As long as I can be there for him and change him thats fine. Then he can find the woman who he truly loves and truly loves him Cos I feel we are so different that we aren’t compatible. He is the complete opposite of my type. Personality and character wise. The only way we can end up together is if he has a complete personality change and converts to my sect of religion as we are both from the same religion however he is a different sect. me

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